Violin Concert

Two weeks ago, Michelle had a violin concert. She played one of her two Federation pieces. For Federation (in a week and a half), she will be playing Gavotte by Martini and Hard Rock Cafe by Jones. (Wow! Federation has come quickly this year. But I think she is ready for it. It hasn't seemed as stressful this year as in past years...she has a tiny bit of polishing to do, but the memorizing and everything else seems to have gone smoother...one more testament to her growing maturity and responsiblity...as well as to her growing ability with the violin.

When we had a lesson the day of her concert, her teacher told her that she would be playing first. Her teacher said she likes to begin and end with students who are really solid and she felt Michelle was. I thought that was quite a compliment. She certainly has other students who are also very talented and play very well (quite a few who are more advanced), so it meant a lot to Michelle.

And she did a nice job. Many nights after school she has little or no time to play. With piano lessons and violin lessons taking up two nights each week, homework, reading, piano/violin practice, dinner/family time, she often gets very little down time once she is home. Some times that bothers her (and I do try hard to work things out so she can play some nights) but most of the time she is very conscientious about following through on her responsibilities. I am so happy to see the beautiful young woman she is turning in to.

Awards Assemblies

Beginning this year, Jackson Elementary has had an honor roll assembly each trimester.  Four or five students are chosen to be on honor roll for the trimester.   The first trimester, Gabby was chosen by her teachers because "she is a hard worker."   Two weeks ago, the second trimester assemblies were held.  Ella was chosen for "making great progress in math" and Michelle was chosen for "great improvement in math and language arts".   Unfortunately, the assemblies were held on different days.  I attended Ella's assembly on Wednesday and Alfredo attended Michelle's assembly on Thursday.   We are so pleased that the girls are working so hard.  I know it is not easy to learn everything in two languages, but they are doing well and making great efforts.  They are all well behaved and kind to others and are good citizens.   

Alfredo didn't take any photos at Michelle's assembly, but I took a few at Ella's. 

On that Friday evening, we went out to dinner as a family.  Our plan was to go to Leatherby's.  But I didn't think about how crowded it would be on a Friday night  (like waiting in a line OUTSIDE of Leatherby's in the wind and cold...BUSY).  So, we ended up going next door to eat at Cafe Rio's.  Then we got ice cream from Leatherby's to go.  We took our ice cream home and ate it as we watched a movie.  Super fun night.  So proud of our girls' accomplishments.  (Totally don't know what was going on with my camera.  It was taking really blurry pictures that evening, and no matter what I did, I couldn't get them to not be blurry.  I was worried that maybe I'd damaged it somehow...but the next day it took great pictures! Thank goodness.)

Parenting quote

There's a parenting quote that goes around from time to time that has always bugged me. Usually I just shrug it off, but after seeing it in a couple of places again recently, I keep thinking about it. When I start thinking about something enough over several days, I know I need to write about it to get it out of my brain. (Because really I have two purposes for this blog...keeping a record for my children/family of our lives and journaling/writing because it is therapeutic/helpful for me...and the fact that a couple of others read it...well that's just an added bonus).

Before I write about my thoughts about this quote, let me begin by saying that I am NOT judging those who like it. A couple of my dear friends have posted this quote before and they are phenomenal parents. In fact, I learn a lot from them. I am NOT trying to hold myself up as a better parent because I have SOO much to learn still. I am just trying to express my heartfelt reaction to this quote, based primarily on the wonderful parenting I received when I was a child. And I recognize that my reaction to this quote is different than many/most others. Perhaps I overreact to it.

Anyway, here is the quote: "My promise to my children. I am not your friend. I am your mom. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare & hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE YOU!" (Some versions go on to say: "When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will NEVER find someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more than I do!")

So my thoughts and I will try not to ramble too much:

First, I totally get that parents need to act like parents. Some parents are afraid to set limits or want to be their child's buddy and "hang out" with them. This is not good. When I was in junior high, there was a girl in my junior high who had big parties. She would invite everyone over and her mom would buy cases of alcohol for everyone to drink (I never went). Her mom would hang out with all these 7th and 8th graders and laugh and drink with them. The junior high kids mostly thought she was very "cool." She was trying very hard to be her daughter's friend. I moved to a new area/new school in 9th grade, so I don't know how that friend's life turned out but I suspect that she probably made some poor choices. Parents must set limits and teach their children and enforce those limits. I know as a teacher that when parents aren't willing to be parents, the child suffers.

But, and to me this is a big BUT, I still believe parents can be a friend to their child. Not in the sense of being immature or trying to hang out and be cool, but I believe they can/should be someone their child can talk to and confide in. The parent can take their child to fun places and PLAY with them. The parent can laugh and be silly and have fun with their child. I am certainly not perfect at this, but I try.

But the part of this quote that really gets to me is this part. "I will stalk you, flip out on you...drive you insane, be your worst nightmare..." I was raised by a mom who was incredibly calm. She never flipped out on us. She never yelled or screamed or belittled or berated us. My mom did a phenomenal job of modeling for us the type of adults she hoped we would become. We are our children's first and most important role model. That's pretty intimidating at times, because I have a long way to go to being the kind of person I want to be. But I am trying and repenting and trying again. I do sometimes flip out on my kids...but those are NEVER my best parenting moments. My best moments are when I am calm and in control and I give my children limits and choices and I try to understand why they have made the choices they have. I give consequences for their choices (or allow natural consequences to occur) but I model problem solving in a patient and forgiving and loving way. I yearn to be that kind of parent all of the time.

I know I am very sensitive to this because in my job I see kids who are bullied and belittled and sometimes even beaten by parents who are showing they are the parent. Proving to their child that they are in charge. I know that my dear friends who have posted this are not those kinds of parents at all and that their flipping out is not like that. But still when I read those words, it conjures images of parents screaming at their kids and calling them names and doing it because they are the "parent" and the child must obey.

I recognize also that my children are still fairly young, and that the teenage years can be hard. But I also think trust and proper modeling is so important. Especially then. I mean, I think it is wise for a parent to have the child's passwords and for the child to know that the parent will check in on them online. Again, I believe guidelines need to be established and consequences enforced when they are not followed (and I believe that is what most parents mean when they post this quote.) But I also think that teenagers are hormonal and emotional and they need a calm, loving, positive role model...not someone who is also emotional and reactive. (Easier said than done, I know.)


On the other hand, I do like the ending of the quote that is sometimes included but not always. "You will NEVER find someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more than I do!") I think that most of us parents are doing the best we know how to show our children that we love and care for them. I think that most of us are praying for them. Worrying about them. Wishing we were better parents than we are. Trying each day to do a little better. In the end, that is the best we can do. Love them, care for them, pray for them and do our very best each day...and then trust the Lord to lead them and guide them.

I know that I am pretty lax in some ways with my kids... "don't sweat the small stuff" and strict in other ways. I know that we each have our own unique personalities and our children have their own unique personalities and what works for one parent or one child won't necessarily work for another. I just know that when I read that quote, it conjures negative images for me and hurts my heart a little bit...or really a lot. I've been pondering Satan's lies a bit lately, and while his big lies and deceptions are alarming and troublesome, I think for many of us they aren't really a huge issue. I mean, I have this tv show that I like. I know many others that like it as well. But as with nearly any tv show these days, there is sometimes content that is not in harmony with gospel standards. But in some ways, the "big" things that are wrong (such as immorality) are so obviously wrong that I can see through them quickly. I know they are wrong. But I was watching an episode a few days ago when the mom began to lecture about how she had given up everything for years and years to take care of her husband and children and how she was never selfish...but now she was going to seek self-fulfillment and if that meant hurting her family, so be it. It wasn't quite that blatant, though. Somehow this has been in my mind ever since, and I keep thinking about the subtlety of Satan. He can't get us to go do something terribly wrong tomorrow if we are striving to live the gospel right now. But if he can put little chinks in our armor (by, for example, getting us to focus on how much we are giving up to be parents...because it is hard and it is a sacrifice but it is ALSO a great blessing...but if he can get us focussing on the world's view in just little ways, then our armor gets chinks) and soon we move a little bit away from the gospel and then a little bit more. And then slowly, slowly, we begin to believe the bigger lies as well. This quote just seems to ME to be a bit like that. Yes, it is my job to be a parent and to discipline my children. But if that moves me toward thinking that the way to do that is to yell, flip out, drive them insane and be their worst nightmare, then I think it is moving me in the wrong direction. We have heard over and over in conference that our homes are to be refuges from the world, safe havens. Our homes are to be like temples. They should be safe places for our children. They are to help us prepare to return to our Heavenly Father. This quote doesn't sound to me like the kind of parent that Heavenly Father is. It doesn't feel like the type of home that would make children want to be an eternal family and live with their family forever. If that is to happen, then I don't think this quote is the answer. At least not for me. :)

I like what this blogger had to say about the quote:
My Promise to my Children. I especially love her rewritten quote.

Again, I love all of my dear friends whether you are a fan of this quote or not. And I know that I interpret it differently than most. And I have a lot of ways that I need to improve to make my home the safe haven from the world that I want it to be.

Family History...One Question at a Time

This week's question is this: Tell me about your mother. Can you share some memories you have of your mother?

My mom is Barbara. She is the second oldest of 5 children: three girls and two boys. She was born and raised in Holladay, Utah. She attended Olympus High School. She went to BYU and got a degree in math education. She taught high school math for a few years, but she did not like teaching. I suspect that teaching high school was not a good match for her. Perhaps if she had taught elementary, she may have liked it more. Or perhaps if she had taught at the college level.

My mom is a fairly quiet, reserved person. She is genuinely kind and patient. She has a strong testimony of the gospel. She sews well and plays the piano. She enjoys reading. As young children, she took us to the library often and read to us often. One of my fondest memories is of my parents reading "A Wrinkle in Time" to my sister and I when we were quite young. We were probably a little too young for it, and my sister was frightened by it. I didn't exactly understand it, but I was fascinated by it. It is one of the few books I have read and reread. I love it! I know that when I was very young, my mom made flashcards of all of the family member's names and practiced them with me. I began reading when I was three. I have loved to read for as long as I can remember. I attribute most of my love of reading to my mom (but my dad was also a good role model, and my grandma and grandpa also read to me a great deal. And I had many wonderful teachers. So I was blessed to have many people that helped foster that love of reading.)

I am sure I have written this before, but my mom is truly the calmest, most patient person I know. I can only remember her raising her voice once in my life. (I don't recall why she raised her voice, but I remember it being shocking because it never happened.) If only I were more like her in that way! I aspire to be more like her.

My mom worked outside of the home (as a teacher and then as a bookkeeper, then an accountant), but she was never too busy to help us with homework or to do other things to bless our lives. Today she is a wonderful grandma. While she lives in another state, she calls regularly. And my children often receive cards in the mail for ocassions small and big...Easter, St. Patrick's Day, Thanksgiving or just because. She also visits as often as she can and has flown in for each blessing and baptism. My children know their grandma loves them. (As do their grandpas.)

My mom took us to church each week and taught us the gospel, including during a period when my dad became inactive and then after my parents divorced. Her testimony of the gospel helped sustain me during some challenging times, and it gives me hope that my own children can grow to know and love the Lord despite my imperfect parenting but sincere efforts to teach them the gospel mostly on my own.

My mom has never seemed to like swimming. Even though my grandparents had a swimming pool, I only have a few vague memories of my mom swimming with us (and none of my grandma...she did not know how to swim well). My grandpa swam with us often, and sometimes my dad. My mom never wore shorts, and we sometimes teased her about her blindingly white legs. (I do wear shorts, and I do go swimming, but I still have very white legs. While my arms seem to tan a bit, my legs never tan much. They are just about as white in August as they are in December.)

I am so thankful for all my mom has taught me. For her faith. For her love. For her kindness and gentleness. For her forgiving nature. For her listening ear. She emulates the Savior in many ways, and I often feel like if I could better emulate her, then I would be a lot closer to who I want to be than I am. How thankful I am for my wonderful mother! Perhaps Abraham Lincoln expressed it best when he said, "All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother."

Building Family Unity/Love

As part of my effort to help us all have the spirit on a more consistent basis and to help increase family unity, we started a new tradition.  On Sunday evenings, we each share something we love, admire or appreciate about each family member.  (My silly but sweet children have insisted that we even include the dog and the two fish in this...although frankly, I don't have much to say...I tend to repeat the same thing each week.)   If we (the parents) forget, the children are quick to remind us.  Particularly Gabby.  They are so excited to share what they love about their family members and I see Ella smile a little bigger and sit a little taller when she hears why we love her.  It has been such a simple, but helpful and beneficial, exercise. 

52 Weeks of Family History

One of our ward members posted a link of 52 questions, 52 weeks:  52 prompts to journal about each week.  Answering one each week means you have a pretty complete personal or family history in a year.  Glancing through the questions, I have written about many of them before, but it still seems like a great idea.  So here I go.

Where were you born?  Tell about where you grew up.  Describe your home, your neighborhood, your town.
I was born in St. Marks Hospital in Salt Lake City.  My parents lived only about a mile from where I live now.  (A couple of years ago, my dad pointed out the house they lived in when I was a newborn.)  But when I was three months old, my parents moved to Arizona.  I grew up in Glendale, Arizona.  I lived about two miles from my paternal grandparents.  I had many aunts, uncles and cousins that lived in Phoenix or its suburbs.

When I was young, my family lived in a mobile home.  My two sisters and I shared a bedroom...it was small enough that the dresser nearly touched the edge of the bunk beds.   While I recognize now that we struggled financially, I didn't feel poor or feel like I went without as a child.  We always had food to eat and my mom and my maternal grandma sewed us lots of clothes.  Christmas was a big deal, and it felt like we got lots of gifts.  And we lived so close to my grandparents that we spent a lot of time at their house.   They had a pool which we swam in daily during the summer.  My grandma watched us while my parents worked.  She read us lots of stories.  My mom also read to us often.  And we took many trips to the public library.

The mobile home park was fun.  There was a park.   And we played in the street, playing hide n go seek and tag and other games.   I went barefoot most of the time...I hated wearing shoes.  I must have had thick calluses on my feet because it burns my feet to walk to the mailbox in the summertime now, but I ran barefoot all summer long back then.  In second grade, I had two best friends that lived right by us in the mobile home park...Brandon and Joshua.   We spent hours and hours running and playing.  I was heartbroken when Brandon moved to Panama at the end of second grade.

My elementary school was three or four miles away, so we were bussed to school.   Or my grandma sometimes drove us.

When I was in 5th grade, we moved into an apartment.  Then when my parents divorced in 8th grade, we lived with my grandparents for a couple of years until my mom remarried.   Then we moved into a house.  Some times I reflect on what a blessing it is to have a home.  Our home isn't fancy but I am thankful to have a home.

I am also so thankful to have had a happy childhood.  It does not matter where you grow up, or how large/small your home is, or whether you drive a fancy car.  The important thing is to have love and peace and the gospel and I had all of those things and so much more.  (Sometimes as an adult, I begin to lose sight of these things.  It is good to be reminded that things are not what matters.  People and relationships are.  I KNOW this but sometimes I begin to forget.)

Happy day

Today has been a good day.  Saturdays are usually days when I run errands, clean house, etc.  I should be doing all of that today.  But mostly I have put it off. Alfredo and I did our taxes today.  The kids didn't want to come with us (we have a nice man who does them for a great price but you don't set an appointment, just drop in, and sometimes it's a long wait.). So Michelle babysat while we went.  Our state refund is awesome... We are getting, wait for it, wait for it.... $4!  Federal is a bit better.  But I know that not having a huge refund is good....we are using our money all year not letting the government earn interest on it.  The wait was super short this year, and so Alfredo and I went out to lunch together.  It was nice to get some time alone in the middle of the day after such a busy week.

After lunch, we bought cupcakes at Sweet Tooth Fairy.  Neither of  us had ever had cupcakes there before, so we bought a half dozen for our family.  I got a thin mint one.  Yummilicious!!

I felt a bit tired after we got home, and the girls had done their chores while we were gone.  So I decided to lay down for about 30 minutes.   I woke up over two hours later.

Taxes done, date with my husband, yummy cupcakes, and a long nap!  What more could one want on a Saturday?!  (Maybe a clean bathroom...and mopped kitchen floors...but I will get to those later.)