Delamare Setting Apart

When I was called as RS President, Bishop Delamare set me apart.  Then he set apart my counselors and for each of them asked if their husbands would like to be in the circle.  Later, in our first meeting together, he apologized.  He said he realized that he should have at least asked if Alfredo wanted to stand in the circle and he hoped that it didn't cause me or Alfredo any hurt feelings.  At that point, Alfredo wasn't very active and he definitely would not have wanted to stand in the circle.  In fact it may have made Alfredo uncomfortable to have been asked, at least at that moment.  (Ideally, I guess Bishop Delamare could have asked in advance, privately.  But I don't fault him for that at all.)  I genuinely appreciate that he apologized later and that he wanted to soothe any hurt feelings if there had been any.  I appreciate that he was mindful of our circumstances and didn't want to do anything to cause discomfort or offense.  It can be challenging to be a leader and sometimes offense does occur.  I think it is important to try to apologize when you may have made a mistake and to mindful of others.  But I also think it is important to recognize that everyone we meet is human and that mistakes are made.  It doesn't make the gospel any less true.

LESSON LEARNED:  Be mindful of others.

Apologize when hurtful things are said or done.

Be quick to forgive.

Don't take offense.

Internet Teaching Prayer

Yesterday was the beginning of the third week of school.  We're beginning to settle into a routine and things are getting easier though I still feel like remote teaching is far from ideal and doesn't truly meet the needs of most children.  We did our morning work and math.  There was a short recess and then we met back on Zoom for writing and reading.  Things were cruising along and the day was going well.

Then in the middle of reading a story to the class, I was suddenly kicked out of Zoom.  That's happened before so I just immediately tried to hop back on...but it said I didn't have internet.  I tried to connect...no luck.  So I grabbed my phone, used data and got onto Zoom on my phone.  Which works but isn't ideal because I can't do nearly as many things on my phone as I can on a tablet or desktop or laptop.  I fnished up the reading lesson, had the students log on to an app called Lexia for the last 15 minutes before lunch and went downstairs to unplug the modem and try to get the internet working.  I spent most of my lunch hoping the internet would work.  When it wasn't working about 10 minutes before lunch would end, I tried calling Sara to see if I could work from her house for 30 minutes until my class went to PE and then come home and try to figure the internet out.  She didn't answer.  By this point, I was frustrated but also hopeful.  I'd been praying for help and prayed that my internet would start functioning before lunch ended.  And two minutes before lunch ended, the internet began functioning and the rest of the day went smoothly.  I said a brief prayer of gratitude then and a couple more later.  I'm so grateful that  Heavenly Father heard my sincere (but slightly panicked) prayer and answered it.  He truly is involved in the details of our lives.

Also Sara texted a while later, said she noticed she missed my phone call (and I almost never call) so she wanted to make sure I was okay.  I told her what happened and said if I ever need to come over to teach, I'm always welcome and she gave me her garage code in case they aren't there.  How I love her!

LESSONS LEARNED:  God hears and answers prayers.  

True friends are invaluable.

Grandpa Addicted Strength

 My grandpa is one of my heroes.  He is such a good man, and I miss him dearly since he passed away.  My dad came to visit yesterday and shared a story I had never heard before.

I know that my grandpa grew up in a home with a father that was very gruff and angry...perhaps even a bit abusive.  (I don't think anyone has ever used the word abusive...I think they have said mean and angry...so I don't really have details as to how severe things were.)  So I have always been so impressed that my grandpa was such a kind and gentle man.  He never seemed to get angry, he was incredibly loving and patient with us as children as well as with his children and with my grandma.  I've always admired that he didn't carry unhealthy patterns from his childhood home into his adult home.  That takes a great strength of character.  

Yesterday my dad told me a story about my grandpa's time in World War II.  I knew he served and was an officer.  I knew he was shot in the knee as it bothered him for years to come.  Apparently my grandpa was in military hospitals for 18 months after being shot.  For some reason, my dad said, they could either send him back to combat (and he wasn't healed enough for that) or he could be in the hospital. So he spent time at a couple of different hospitals.  Morphine was relatively new at that point and they began administering morphine for the pain.  At one point, a new doctor came and saw that he was on morphine.  The doctor asked the nurses how long he had been on morphine.  They weren't sure...longer than they had been at that hospital.  The doctor knew that they had found that people could become addicted to morphine.  And so the doctor ordered that my grandpa not be given any more morphine.  They didn't wean him off of it slowly, just cut him off cold turkey.  He experienced withdrawal symptoms but he got over his addiction and never used/abused any kind of drug in the future (only taking necessary prescriptions and an occasional aspirin/Ibuprofen).  It must have been awful...the pain from his knee coupled with the withdrawal symptoms.  It must have required intense strength to overcome that addiction but I'm so grateful for that doctor who knew he couldn't continue to receive morphine and for my grandfather's physical, mental and spiritual strength to overcome such a difficult challenge.

Sabbath Church Why

 This weekend, I keep seeing posts about why people go to church. Many of us have worshipped from home for 6 months now...why do we need to return? (Please know at the outset that this is not meant to make anyone feel pressured to go back to church right now if you feel it is unsafe. I absolutely respect your choice to worship safely at home. It is absolutely just that a million thoughts are racing through my head and I know I will sleep better tonight if I get them out of my head. It is more about the reasons why I choose to go...now and in the future...and NOT about the timing for when you decide it is safe to attend. Though in my ward I feel VERY comfortable and safe attending.)

First and foremost is to partake of the sacrament (which I realize can at times be performed in our homes when authorized...). I go because it allows me to receive necessary ordinances and make and renew covenants with my Savior. I go to church because I LOVE to learn. I gain insights into the gospel when I am there that I miss in my own studies. I learn from others. As I hear of the ways that the Savior enters into other people's lives and lifts and strengthens and heals and blesses them, it helps me to see more clearly the ways that He does the same for me. I go because I want to be obedient and because I want to qualify for the gift of the Holy Ghost. I go because I genuinely love the members of my ward family. They feel like family to me and I LONG to see them! I go because I have responsibilities to serve. I go because I have responsibilities to serve. I go because I receive far more than I give (though I try to serve faithfully and diligently.) I go because I am the person I am today due to the opportunities I have had to speak, teach, serve, learn, grow, forgive, love, and practice what I believe. I go because I show by my choices how I want my children to live. They may or may not decide to follow my example when they are grown, but I want them to know what is important to me and that I cherish my church attendance. I go because I recognize that the main purpose of this life is to build and strengthen relationships...with God and with others...and church helps me to do that. I go because I LOVE the temple more than any other place on Earth and I want to always live so that I am worthy to enter there. I go because it is a sacred and holy place and I want to "stand in holy places." I go because despite our efforts to faithfully worship in our home, I cannot replicate in my home all that church offers us... we ALL benefit from hearing other people's testimonies and experiences and knowledge...though we have tried to be very diligent in keeping the Sabbath day holy. I go because I am often guided by the spirit there to know who to serve or how to serve in ways that I sometimes find harder to experience or recognize when I am in my own home separated from others. I go because I draw strength from gathering with others. I go because I know that the leaders, speakers, teachers, etc. have put in a lot of time and effort and sacrifice in MY behalf so that I can draw closer to the Savior and I sustain them. I go because it brings me JOY.

Eyring Training Hope

 About two years ago, I was able to attend a leadership training meeting in my area.  Typically it is a meeting for Bishoprics and stake presidencies but this particular time, ward and stake RS Presidents, EQ Presidents and YM and YW presidents were invited to attend.  It was such a wonderful meeting. The spirit was so strong and I learned a great deal.  The meeting was focused on helping those who were less active return to activity.  Elder Eyring spoke about a family that President Nelson had talked about in April 2018 conference. Here are President Nelson's words given in his talk Ministering with the Power and Authority of God:

An experience I had more than 60 years ago in Boston taught me just how powerful the privilege of ministering one-on-one can be. I was then a resident surgeon at the Massachusetts General Hospital—on duty every day, every other night, and every other weekend. I had limited time for my wife, our four children, and Church activity. Nonetheless, our branch president assigned me to visit the home of Wilbur and Leonora Cox with the hope that Brother Cox might come back into activity in the Church. He and Leonora had been sealed in the temple.⁸ Yet Wilbur had not participated for many years.

My companion and I went to their home. As we entered, Sister Cox welcomed us warmly,⁹ but Brother Cox abruptly walked into another room and closed the door.

I went to the closed door and knocked. After a moment, I heard a muffled “Come in.” I opened the door to find Brother Cox sitting beside an array of amateur radio equipment. In that small room, he lit up a cigar. Clearly, my visit was not all that welcome.

I gazed about the room with wonderment and said, “Brother Cox, I have always wanted to learn more about amateur radio work. Would you be willing to teach me about it? I’m sorry I can’t stay any longer tonight, but could I come back another time?”

He hesitated for a moment and then said yes. That was the beginning of what became a wonderful friendship. I returned and he taught me. I began to love and respect him. Through our subsequent visits, the greatness of this man emerged. We became very good friends, as did our dear eternal companions. Then, with the passage of time, our family moved away. Local leaders continued to nurture the Cox family.¹⁰

About eight years after that first visit, the Boston Stake was created.¹¹ Can you guess who its first stake president was? Yes! Brother Cox! During subsequent years, he also served as a mission president and a temple president.

President Eyring also knew Wilbur and Leonora Cox at this same period.  He shared that while many people ministered to the family, including President Nelson, what he wanted us to recognize is that for years Leonora had been a faithful member of the Church.  She honored her covenants.  She had a quiet but profound influence on her husband. 

Elder Ballard, President Eyring and the members of the 70 that were there all emphasized the role that women play on a family.  And in the church.  But especially in a family where some may have wandered.

But finally to get to the part that impacted me so much.  The meeting was nearly over.  President Eyring was giving his final testimony before opening up for about 15 minutes of question and answer period and maybe I'm mistaken but it felt like he looked right at me.  I don't remember his absolute exact words but they were very close to these:  Don't give up hope!  Don't ever give up hope, especially on those you love.  Keep praying for them.  Keep hoping they will change.  It may not happen in the timetable you would wish, but don't EVER give up hope.   And it was both a surge of confidence and a moment of chastisement.  Because it can be painful to keep hoping that a loved one will choose to be active in the church.  It can be painful to wonder if things will ever be the way you want them to be.  And so I had stopped really hoping for change.  I had stopped praying about Alfredo returning to full activity in the Church.  And in that moment I knew that whether President Eyring was in fact looking at me or not, the message was for me from my loving Heavenly Father.  I was not to stop hoping and I was not to stop believing and I was to continue (or begin again) to pray for Alfredo.  

LESSONS LEARNED:  Never give up hope.

The influence of a righteous woman cannot be accurately measured.

Lost Ring Integrity

 Years ago, I was teaching either second or third grade at Parkview.  Each year Utah State University would come and bring these science kits and we would have an all day science event where students rotated from class to class and did cool science activities and experiments.  On this particular day, I was running an activity that used sand.  Because I was reaching my hand into this big box of sand over and over, I took off my wedding ring and put it deep into my pants pocket.  The day was a fun day but exhausting and so after school ended, I cleaned up, prepared for the next day and headed home.  As I left my school, I reached into my pocket and grabbed my car keys, got in my car and drove home.  After arriving at home, I suddenly realized that I wasn't wearing my wedding ring so I reached into my pocket to grab it.  But...it wasn't there!   I was so upset.  I figured I must have lost it in my classroom or at my school....very likely when I was grabbing my car keys from my pocket. But would I be able to find it?  

The next morning, I headed to my school.  I looked around on the sidewalk and the parking lot but I didn't see it.  So I went to talk to my school secretary and told her what had happened.  And a student had turned it in.  A student had found it in the grass near the school doors and had taken it to our secretary.  I was SO very grateful that the student chose to be honest and that the student turned it in.  I was also so grateful that my prayers were heard and answered. (Just a tiny bit of added context. This school is in an area with high poverty. Most of the students come from homes where money is tight and challenges abound. It might have been easy for the child to justify that there was no way to find the owner or that their family needed the money the ring would bring. I'm so grateful for the honesty of that child in what may have been a tempting situation--though maybe it wasn't a temptation at all.)

LESSONS LEARNED:

There are many good, honest people in this world.

Job 27:5 "God forbid that I should justify you: till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me."

Halee Wedding Noticing

 Today was Halee Harding's wedding. It was so beautiful.  The weather was perfect.  The ceremony was in her husband's parent's backyard in Bountiful and then the luncheon was at a nearby park.  The wedding reception will be in her aunt Dayna's backyard.  And I was fortunate enough to be able to attend.  That was a beautiful tender mercy because today is a school day but because teachers worked 9 days before school started, there are going to be several days when students do online school but teachers are off.  And the first of those comp days is today.  What a blessing to be able to be there. I absolutely love Halee and I'm so happy for her.  And Sara is my very dearest and best friend and so I was so happy to be invited and to be able to attend.

When I arrived at the wedding, I sat at the back corner.  As soon as Sara saw me, she came over and gave me a big hug and had Chris take our photo.  Her sister Katie also came over and said how nice it was to see me and how much I mean to Sara and her family and how great it is that I support them in so many things.  

I noticed that a few minutes later, one of Sara's sister-in-laws arrived.  She is going through some difficult challenges right now and I watched as Sara went over to her and spoke to her and gave her a hug.  Then drew her up to the front to sit near Sara and next to their in-laws. 

At the luncheon, I was answering some emails from school as I waited for things to start.  I figured once it started, I'd get some food and sit in a corner.  There were so many people I didn't know which can sometimes overwhelm me a bit.  And those I did know well were Sara and her family...and she has a huge family and this was their special day so I wanted to be unobtrusive.   Well, suddenly there was Sara and she "made me" come sit next to her.  And I would have been okay to sit alone or to find one of Sara's kids and sit by them or even to just find someone I didn't know and maybe introduce myself and ask to sit near them.  But it meant a lot to me that Sara had me come sit near her, made me get in line for food with her, etc.  

I just watched Sara throughout the day and watched as she spent time with and made everyone feel noticed and loved.  It was a busy and beautiful day for her, a day when it would be easy to be focused on tasks or focused on her immediate family and yet over and over she ministered to and loved others.  She's a beautiful example to me.

LESSONS LEARNED:  Notice others.  Love them. 

Palmyra Question Answered

 Three years ago, I took Ella to upstate New York to the Sacred Grove, the Priesthood Restoration Site and the other nearby church history sites for her 12th birthday.  A friend of mine who hadn't really been active for years was pretty angry with the church over several issues but specifically about things she had learned about Joseph Smith.  Many of the things that made her angry were things I had known about for years and while I don't pretend to fully understand some things I wasn't troubled by some of the things that made her angry.  But as I read the gospel topic essays, I realized that the process of translation was different than I had understood it to be.  And some parts of it seemed pretty strange, especially putting a seer stone into a hat and looking into the hat to translate.  I still absolutely had a testimony and I knew that Joseph Smith was a prophet.  But I did have some questions about the process of translation.  I wanted to understand and I wanted to be reassured that he did translate through the gift and power of God.  

While Ella and I were visiting these sites, a wonderful sister missionary at the priesthood restoration site spoke about the translation.  She explained that Joseph would place the seer stone into a hat and then place his head down by the rim of the hat so he could read the words that would appear on the stone.  Her words were essentially what I had read that had troubled me.  And yet as she said it and bore testimony that through God's power, the words of the Book of Mormon would appear on that seer stone for Joseph to read and for Emma or Oliver to scribe, the Holy Ghost bore witness to me that it was true.  I don't fully understand how a seer stone works or why he needed the seer stone but I trust that it was done in and through God's wisdom and knowledge.  And I KNOW that Joseph Smith was and is a prophet.  I KNOW that the Book of Mormon is true.  The spirit has borne witness to these and many other truths many times.  Even if I don't 100% understand everything, I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was restored by God through the prophet Joseph Smith and I'm so grateful for this knowledge.

LESSONS LEARNED:  Perfect knowledge/understanding isn't required to gain a sure testimony of truth.

The Spirit can help us find answers to our questions and doubts if we seek in faith.

Missionaries are often led and guided to know exactly what to say and how to say it to touch people's hearts.  (And that sweet sister missionary has no idea that just sharing her knowledge and testimony touched me so deeply that day.)

Kristy Marriage Stained-Glass

 One of my college roommates, Kristy, got married a couple of years before I did.  And it wasn't necessarily an easy adjustment.  I remember a couple of years after I had gotten married (also finding it wasn't an easy adjustment) that she shared some advice with me.  She said that marriage is a lot like getting a stained-glass window.    You have this image in mind of what it's going to look like.  How beautiful it will be.  But then the artist comes and installs the stained glass window...and the design is something completely different than the design you had in mind.  It's not what you expected.  At that point, you have a choice.  You can get rid of the stained glass window...decide it's not for you, it's not what you signed up for, it's not what you imagined.  You can keep the stained glass window but resent that it is so different from what you expected and feel cheated and upset and be miserable.  You can spend your life noticing all the flaws in that window and all the ways it doesn't measure up to your vision of what the stained glass window should be.  Or you can recognize that it isn't quite what you had expected or imagined...and yet it is incredibly beautiful.  It enriches your home and your life and you can be thankful for it.  You can strive to see the beauty and goodness inherent in it.  

LESSONS LEARNED:  It has been years since this advice was given, but I have always remembered it.  I haven't always been great at following this counsel.  But whenever I think of it, I try a little harder to strengthen my marriage and to be grateful for the beautiful blessings my imperfect marriage and my imperfect husband have brought to this very imperfect woman.

Holland 100 Pence

 This particular post is much more raw, open and revealing than I usually prefer.  But I feel like this was a really defining point in my life and I feel like I want to have a record of it...but also I want my children to know what I learned in case they ever face a similar situation.  I've written even more details in my personal journal...as I was going through this experience...but I think there will be things in the reflection that may be helpful and different as some time has passed.  In October 2017, Elder Holland gave a talk entitled Be Ye Therefore Perfect-Eventually.  Many people really loved this talk because he talked about how we aren't expected to be perfect now.  That it's a process and that we should be patient with ourselves.    But I was especially touched by the part where he told the parable found in Matthew 18.  A servant owes 10, 000 talents to his master.  His master has compassion on him and forgives him.  Then he turns around and tries to collect the debts owed to him.  He won't forgive a 100 pence debt owed to him.  He is asked, “Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?”

Elder Holland said, 

There is some difference of opinion among scholars regarding the monetary values mentioned here—and forgive the U.S. monetary reference—but to make the math easy, if the smaller, unforgiven 100-pence debt were, say, $100 in current times, then the 10,000-talent debt so freely forgiven would have approached $1 billion—or more!

As a personal debt, that is an astronomical number—totally beyond our comprehension. (Nobody can shop that much!) Well, for the purposes of this parable, it is supposed to be incomprehensible; it is supposed to be beyond our ability to grasp, to say nothing of beyond our ability to repay. That is because this isn’t a story about two servants arguing in the New Testament. It is a story about us, the fallen human family—mortal debtors, transgressors, and prisoners all. Every one of us is a debtor, and the verdict was imprisonment for every one of us. And there we would all have remained were it not for the grace of a King who sets us free because He loves us and is “moved with compassion toward us.”¹¹

Jesus uses an unfathomable measurement here because His Atonement is an unfathomable gift given at an incomprehensible cost. That, it seems to me, is at least part of the meaning behind Jesus’s charge to be perfect. We may not be able to demonstrate yet the 10,000-talent perfection the Father and the Son have achieved, but it is not too much for Them to ask us to be a little more godlike in little things, that we speak and act, love and forgive, repent and improve at least at the 100-pence level of perfection, which it is clearly within our ability to do.

That last line, especially, really struck me.  It is clearly within our ability to forgive, repent and improve at a 100 pence level. I had also been really struck by the Sermon on the Mount and especially the counsel in Matthew 5:  44:  "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;" 

This really is a higher law.  It's not easy to  love and pray for those who are unkind or hurtful or unjust.  But the spirit let me know very clearly that I had work to do.  Particularly in my marriage.  I realized that I was carrying around some frustration and withholding forgiveness for things my husband had said and done.  He's a good man and I love him. But he sometimes says things that really hurt me.  Often it's not even intentional and while I realize that it doesn't necessarily lessen the hurt.  I also recognize that he grew up in an unhealthy home and learned some patterns of behavior that are not ideal.  And he does love me and he loves our girls, even though he sometimes says things that are hurtful.  And so, in order to protect myself I had put up some walls and I also was holding on to some hurt.  It was hurting me and hurting our marriage. I wanted things to be better but I wasn't sure how to make them better.

Over the course of about 4 months, I reread and relistened to this talk over and over.  I prayed daily for help to love, forgive and improve at at least a 100 pence level.  Often I felt like I was probably only successful at doing this at a 10 pence level.  I shed a lot of heartfelt tears.  I asked Alfredo for forgiveness for some things I had said and done that had hurt him.  I worked hard to act in loving ways even when I didn't feel very loving or even when I felt like he wasn't acting in the way I wanted him to.  I learned (and continue to learn...it's definitely a process and it's something I am still working on and probably always will) that I could do the right thing if I asked for help and strength and if I determined to do the right thing for my Heavenly Father.  Sometimes I felt like Alfredo didn't deserve my love or forgiveness...and I didn't feel very loving.  Sometimes I would cry and feel very justified in my hurt...but I absolutely love my Heavenly Father. I want to be like Him.  I want to please Him and I want to make Him happy.  And He loves me and He loves Alfredo.  And He loves my children.  Creating a happier, stronger marriage was in all of our best interests.  And so I prayed and I studied.  And I read John Lund's book Without Offense:  The Art of Giving and Receiving Criticism. And in a very real sense, I gave myself some therapy. I learned to take criticism--which has typically sent me into a very negative spiral and caused me to feel very badly about myself--and to be able to examine it more abstractly...was there truth in it?  Was it something I should work on?  OR was the person just saying that as an expression of their own frustration, anger, etc?   And I got better at looking at the criticism and being able to say things to myself like...he is right...I'm not good at keeping cupboards organized...BUT I am a beloved daughter of God.  I have a divine nature and I am good at serving others or remembering scriptures or __________.   I can work at being more organized but it doesn't change my value that I'm not good at that yet."  And I could also say to myself and to Heavenly Father in prayer..."I don't feel like he's being very fair right now.  He's frustrated and I think he's overreacting...but I know that I can react calmly if you help me.  And I want to because I love you."  In John Lund's book he gave an example that really helped me...he talked about a wife that felt dismissed and unappreciated.  She could choose to leave her marriage.  She could choose to get angry every time that she did something nice and it wasn't appreciated.  She could stop doing nice things.  OR she could do the nice things and do them not for her husband but for God.  Her husband may or may not ever change...but her reason for doing them and her response to his ingratitude could change.  And so she would cook nice dinners and as she was cooking she would pray and say, "I'm cooking this meal for you Father.  I know you appreciate what I'm doing."  And she learned that this was enough.  There are still days and times that it doesn't feel like enough...but most of the time it is.  There are still FAR too many times when my immediate reaction when I feel like I'm being treated unfairly is to get angry or to snap back or to pout.  But I'm getting better at reining in my immediate reaction and reacting like I know Heavenly Father wants me to react. 

At first it was so hard.  And it sometimes felt unfair because it felt like I was doing a lot of work with little reward.  BUT over time I found that I was getting better at loving, forgiving and improving at a 100 pence level...maybe even a 200 pence level sometimes.  And as I began to react better, our marriage improved.  Alfredo noticed that I was doing more nice things for him, acting more patient and kind, paying more attention to what he said, planning date nights, etc.  And he began reciprocating more and more.  Sometimes--and it often seemed to be on days when I was especially struggling (though he didn't know it)--he would do especially thoughtful or loving things and it would help me have the strength to keep trying and be a little better.  And our marriage became better than it had been in years.  It's been a couple of years now.  And 2020 has been hard for me emotionally.  I've noticed that I've slipped back into some old patterns in some ways--and we haven't been very intentional about having date nights or spending quality time just the two of us and I know that's something I need to work on.  But I know it can be done...and it will be easier because we haven't slipped very far yet.  And because I truly can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me.  I do not have his 10,000 talent love or grace or mercy or goodness yet...but He is able to transform my 10 pence love, forgiveness, and goodness into 100 pence or 200 pence or beyond.  It's helped in my marriage.  It's helped me as a mother.  It's helped me as a friend and leader.  

LESSONS LEARNED:  I can love, forgive and improve at a 100 pence level (or higher) with Christ's help.  And some day I will reach His level of perfection.

Marriages and relationships can be healed by Christ.

We can learn to respond effectively to criticism.

We can do hard things,--even seemingly impossible things-- when we do them for someone we love.

Hinderland English Integrity

 As a freshman in high school, I had Mrs. Hinderland for English.  She was a fabulous English teacher...difficult and probably a bit "old school".  But I can still recite some of the things she taught us (and or nor but for ...) and have actually used a couple of things she taught us in my own classroom (The squirrel ran __________ the tree.  a space lot.)  She began the first day of every year by practicing fire drill procedures. When the school was new, two weeks after the school opened, a fire broke out.  It must have been scary to have a fire in a brand new school, especially because our high school had a very unusual floor plan.  I don't think any one was hurt...and the school reopened just a few days later but she made sure her students knew the evacuation procedures in case of a fire.  Preparation and safety were important to her, personally and professionally.  She felt an obligation to keep us safe...and to teach us the importance of being prepared.

Mrs. Hinderland had a large sign in her classroom that said, "Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching."   That sign hung there for years and she would talk about integrity.  It made a big impression on me and I've always remembered that sign and her teachings.  I've tried to live with integrity.

A few years ago, Mrs. Hinderland passed away.  Many classmates shared her obituary and wrote about her influence on their lives.  She made a difference.  I'm grateful for her.

LESSONS LEARNED:  Sometimes a person's words (or even signs/posters) will stay with you for years.  (Be careful how you use words!)

Live with integrity.  Do the right thing even if you think no one is watching.  

Be prepared.  D&C 38:30  "...if ye are prepared ye shall not fear."

Rasband Last Days

 In his talk in April 2020 conference, Elder Rasband said, "By divine design, ancient prophets of God, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost, prophesied of the Restoration and what was to come in our day, the last dispensation and the fulness of times. The very work “fired the souls” of the early seers.¹ Through generations of time, they foretold, dreamed, envisioned, and prophesied of the future of God’s kingdom on earth, what Isaiah called “a marvellous work and a wonder.” 

 I loved those words “by divine design” and I felt something beautiful go through me as I thought about all these ancient prophets having visions of OUR day.  Seeing us.  Seeing the things happening around us.   It makes so much sense that they would prophesy of Christ returning and I know that is why our day is so important. But it really is incredible that these valiant leaders dreamed about and wrote about these days. That B of M prophets put in the effort to engrave plates of gold--not for themselves, but for us. That Heavenly Father knew that we were strong and valiant enough to live now.  Sometimes it is hard to imagine/believe that He sees ME that way.  And sometimes I would prefer to live in a less chaotic time.   But it also sends feelings of excitement into my soul to know that He trusts us to prepare the world for the Second Coming. That is pretty amazing to ponder!

The righteous woman's strength and influence today can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times." - Spencer W. Kimball said.  That's encouraging and exciting.

LESSONS LEARNED:  I am meant to live in these days.

I have the strength to withstand the trials I face--if I put my trust in Christ.

These are miraculous and long-foretold times.  What a blessing and a miracle to live now!

Hannah Courage Lesson

 This popped up in my Facebook memories today.  It was something a student of mine, Hannah, said two years ago.  She was in third grade at the time.

Sometimes my students say things that really seem profound. Today we were discussing some vocabulary. One of the vocabulary words was encourage. We'd talked about courage last week and one child raised her hand and said it seems like encourage means that you are taking your courage and strength and sharing it with another to give them strength and hope. What an amazing insight! I'm going to try to share some of my courage with others today!

LESSONS LEARNED: Write down the wise things that others say or you won't remember them! (So glad I recorded this!)

Encourage others...give them a little bit of your courage and strength.

Brene Brown says, "The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. ... Courage originally meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart." Over time, this definition has changed, and today, courage is more synonymous with being heroic."

Online Etymology Dictionary has this for encourage:  early 15c., from Old French encoragier "make strong, hearten," from en- "make, put in" (see en- (1)) + corage "courage, heart" (see courage). Related: Encouraged; encouraging; encouragingly.

So if courage is to share your heart...then encourage is to make strong by sharing your heart...or so it seems to me.  Which also means that true encouragement must be heartfelt and sincere.

Rasband Mission Revelation

 In his April 2020 General Conference talk entitled Fulfillment of Prophecy, Elder Ronald A. Rasband related this story:  

"I remember when I received my mission call as a young man. I wanted to serve in Germany, like my father, brother, and brother-in-law. Not waiting for anyone to get home, I rushed to the mailbox and opened the call. I read that I had been called to the Eastern States Mission, headquartered in New York City. I was disappointed, so I went inside and opened my scriptures for comfort. I began to read in the Doctrine and Covenants: “Behold, and lo, I have much people in this place, in the regions round about; and an effectual door shall be opened in the regions round about in this eastern land.”¹⁷ That prophecy, given to the Prophet Joseph Smith in 1833, was a revelation to me. I knew then I had been called to the exact mission the Lord wanted me to serve in. I taught the Restoration and its dramatic beginning when our Father in Heaven spoke to Joseph Smith and said, “This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!”

Come Follow Me Daily, an Instagram page I follow, shared this story today as well:

At sixteen, a young man named Rawly was diagnosed with an incurable neurodegenerative disease and given only a few years to live.

He grappled with questions and ideas that most teenagers never face: why am I here?
does God exist?
Does He even know who I am?

After about a year of contemplation, a surgeon practicing thousands of miles away heard of his case and reached out to his family. He wanted to try an experimental surgery in attempt to save his life. With everything to gain he went forward with the surgery, which proved to be massively successful.

Still, Rawly had questions that had been stirred up and needed answers. Searching for these answers, he decided to serve a mission at 18.

Opening his call, imagining a stateside mission with his health complications, he was shocked to read the words “Cali Colombia”.

At his next check up with the surgeon, he voiced his concerns at living in a foreign country so far from US health for 2 years. After telling the doctor that he would be in Cali Colombia, the doctor quickly reassured Rawly, telling him that he was often in Cali Colombia performing similar operations.

The doctor said that there was no safer place in the world for Rawly to be besides Seattle, where the surgery was originally performed.

Of this experience, Rawly wrote, “It was then I finally recognized that God did know me individually. He is not a static idea of the supreme but a dynamic and powerful influence in our every day life. He loves us more than we give Him credit for and many times directs the currents of life without our noticing.”

Susquehanna River by Priesthood Restoration Site


LESSONS LEARNED:  God is aware of us.  He has a plan for our lives.

There is revelation involved in mission assignments!  

Hard Week Rewarded

 I finished my first week of teaching a new class remotely.  It was a challenging week.  Truly a very challenging week. There were a few tech issues on my part (being kicked out of zoom meetings, having internet issues, not having my microphone work) and plenty of tech issues for the students.  There were lots of things that were frustrating.  Yesterday, I shed a few tears because Wednesday and Thursday were so hard and I was so tired and discouraged.

This morning I had internet issues and 7 minutes before school started I still couldn't get my laptop to connect with Wifi.  I called Sara in a panic and asked if I could come teach from her house.  She said of course and she and Chris got me a table, Sara grabbed a bunch of snacks and some water for me, I plugged things in and logged on to start the day at the exact same time as my students did.  It could have been a disaster.  But Sara's snacks (along with a note that said I love you.  Have a good day.)  helped calm my nerves.  And we got started.  There were a couple of minor bumps in the road, but pretty quickly everything started working and it was our smoothest day so far.  Students went to our counselor's lesson and library and didn't have trouble getting in so I had an hour break (at which point my kids had the internet working so I went home)...and this afternoon they all successfully got into Lexia (an online reading app) except one student.  I had her do a math app called ST Math instead.  They listened and followed directions and completed an assignment on Canvas.  It wasn't perfect but it was our best day so far.

I am SO grateful for Sara who was a lifesaver!  And my girls for figuring out the Wifi and getting themselves to and from piano.  And my girls did their own remote learning without any reminders or assistance.

And then I got a couple of really thoughtful and beautiful emails this week:

Subject line:  You killed it!

Hi Jennifer -

Thank you for the commitment and patience and agility you showed this week as you fought through the challenges of a new learning model without missing a beat on your lessons. We are amazed that you were able to balance teaching your students with resolution of your own technical challenges, the students' technical and navigation challenges, and all the behavioral issues of eager 8-year-olds returning to learning after history's longest summer.

We have a distinct memory of a moment of peace around midday Wednesday. The class was quiet, Alice was doing an exercise on paper, and it was clear this online model will be successful. We realize a lot of people at the school district worked to make this week possible, but when Monday arrived and the success or failure was in your hands, we were pleased to have you as Alice's teacher. And we have never heard the words "ok go on mute" said so sweetly and so patiently so many times.

Have a good weekend. We will see you online on Monday. Alice is looking forward to it, and that's all that really matters to us.

Parents of Alice

****

Just wanted to say thank you for a great week. I know this has been difficult on everyone but Graham has really enjoyed it.  --Graham's Mom

****

I was blown away by how awesome your class was today. They gave good feedback, asked awesome questions, and knew exactly what they were supposed to do. I know a big part of that is their positive attitudes and resilience, but I’m sure you have given them some awesome modeling and support to get them there.

 

Korey  (our school counselor)

****

I do not know how you handle this online class.  I do not know that I could have your patience, lol.

Let us know if there is anything we can do to help.

Warm regards,

Chrystal

***

Also, while I really, really would prefer to be teaching in person...there are a couple of bonuses.  No commute.  I'm able to go walking 3 times a week with Sara, instead of 2, and 45 minutes later than we typically do during the school year because I don't have a commute.

I can drink hot chocolate every morning and wear fuzzy slippers (and shorts and jeans if I want to).

I can make it more quickly and easily to my girls' tennis matches.

I still think there are more drawbacks to teaching online than blessings...but I am trying hard to see the positive.

LESSONS LEARNED:  Thank people, especially if they made a difficult situation better.  You may have no idea how far a simple thank you might go.

Even when things are HARD, they are bound to improve and there are likely good things happening as well.

Be the type of friend that people can call 5 minutes before a meeting/school starts or when you are having an emergency and know that you'll welcome them into your home and make their day a little better.

This year is tough on teachers (and parents and students). Give grace. Notice the good. Be extra patient. I'm going to send a treat or a note to each of my children's teachers this next week--they deserve it!

Bishops Temple Recommend

 I realized that my temple recommend expired at the end of August.  So I set up an appointment last Sunday with Bishop Harding to get my recommend renewed.  Just a couple of days before that they had announced that effective immediately, we could return to having church weekly and have up to 150 people attend.  We will also begin having virtual second hour meetings in a couple of weeks as well as broadcasting sacrament meeting to those who can't attend but would like to participate (other than the sacrament).  I was so happy.  We discussed our ward's plans during ward council and I got pretty emotional.  I'm so happy to go back to church weekly and be able to take the sacrament weekly.  So happy!  So when I met with Bishop Harding he mentioned that I seemed pretty happy about that news.  I said that I'd heard it a couple of days before but that yes, I was so happy.  That I hope others will choose to attend and that I'm so grateful for the return to church.  He thanked me for all I am doing as YW President and said that especially in his first few weeks when he felt so overwhelmed, that it helped so much for me to take the lead in youth activities.  He asked how I was feeling about things and I said that I am concerned about some of the Young Women...but that I absolutely love them and love serving there and will serve there as long as the Lord wants me there.  He said my love for the young women is evident.  He asked how long I've been serving as YW President.  I told him two years...but that I've been in YW for 5 1/2 years now.  He said (thankfully!) that he doesn't feel any need to move me yet.  (Thank goodness!)  We both got a bit emotional talking about the return to church and the joy that brings us.  

And then he proceeded to ask me the temple recommend questions.  When he asked the first four, especially, I became so emotional:

1. Do you have faith in and a testimony of God, the Eternal Father; His Son, Jesus Christ; and the Holy Ghost?

2. Do you have a testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and of His role as your Savior and Redeemer?

3. Do you have a testimony of the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ?

4. Do you sustain the president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the prophet, seer, and revelator and as the only person on the earth authorized to exercise all priesthood keys? Do you sustain the members of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as prophets, seers, and revelators? Do you sustain the other General Authorities and local leaders of the Church?

I love the Savior so very much and I do have a testimony of the Atonement.  I love our beloved prophet and I sustain the leaders of the church...both general and local.  I could barely get the words out to answer because I was so overcome with emotion.

Bishop Harding told me that a member of the stake presidency would get in touch with me to conduct my stake temple recommend interview.   A couple of days later, the stake executive secretary contacted me to have a temple recommend interview with President Brandon Carlson...who was our Bishop until two months ago when Chris Harding was called and Brandon was called into the stake presidency.  I love both of these great men.

Today, I had a particularly hard day of school with technology challenges and I was worn out and remote teaching was just not going as well as I would like.  I taught all day and then it was senior night at tennis.  I hadn't slept enough this week.  I felt exhausted and overwhelmed and a bit down.  In fact, I shed a few tears as I drove from the tennis matches home.  2020 has been rough. And while I know I am blessed in so many ways, online teaching is just not the ideal.  I got home, made a very fast dinner and logged onto zoom to meet with President Carlson.  President Carlson asked about school and about my family and about the young women.  I've always known he genuinely cared about my family and each ward member and that continued to be evident as we talked and as he asked questions.  It felt good to visit with this beloved former bishop and friend.  And then he asked me the temple recommend questions and again I was filled with emotion.  Again I could barely answer.  Again I became weepy.  And when he asked if I sustain our General Authorities and local leaders and I said that I do, he replied that he knew I did and thanked me.  Typing this out has me weeping again.  I am so grateful for the gospel.  I long to be in the temple.  I am so grateful to have a temple recommend.  At the end of the interview when he asked if I considered myself worthy to enter the temple and I said yes, he said "I do, too, my friend.  I do too."  And again I felt His love.  But I also felt like for a moment I was encircled in the arms of my Savior.  Like He was letting me know that He knew it had been a hard week and He knew I was really trying.  And that He had sent this tender mercy to me to remind me that it was going to be okay.  That I was doing okay.  I'm so far from perfect and I have so many weaknesses but I know I am loved and that God is in the detail of my life...even if it something small like making sure I would have my temple recommend interviews with my current and former Bishops (though I genuinely love the other members of our Bishopric and stake presidency as well) and that I would have such an outpouring of the spirit in each meeting.

LESSONS LEARNED:  

God is in the details of our lives.

We should always be worthy of and keep a current temple recommend.

There is not only peace and joy in the temple...even the process of qualifying for a temple recommend brings peace and joy and comfort.  

I am so grateful for priesthood leaders and their love and concern for me and for my family.  Both Chris and Brandon--Bishop Harding and President Carlson--are good men, valiant men, and servants of our Heavenly Father.  They have both blessed my life through their service and example.