Remembered For...Family History Journal

This week's question is number 50: When all is said and done, what do you want to be remembered for? What are you doing now to make that happen?

Here is what I hope can be said of me when I die: Jenny was a loving wife, mother, and grandmother. She was dedicated to her family. They brought her great joy. She was a wonderful teacher who blessed many children's lives. She served and helped others. She was smart and empathetic and honest. She was hard working.

But mainly, I hope that it can be said that I was a disciple of Christ, that I tried to follow Christ's example and live as He would have me live.

What am I doing now to make that happen? Well, I am a mom, a wife,a teacher and an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I try very hard to be a good mom and wife. I fall short...nearly every day as a wife and mom, but I am trying and I love my family deeply. I am very busy, but I try as much as possible to not have my many responsibilities keep me away from my children more than necessary.

I am a dedicated teacher...I love my students and I am good at building a rapport with them and creating a positive environment in my classroom. I am quite good at teaching reading and pretty good at teaching math. There are a million ways I could improve, but I think/hope/believe that I am a good teacher.

I read a lot and I am always trying to learn new things. I genuinely enjoy learning. I work hard...pretty sure that can already be said about me.

I try to live so that I can have the companionship of the Holy Ghost and so that I can be prompted to know when others are in need of service. I am trying to listen to and follow the promptings I receive. Sometimes I get tired and selfish and I don't listen or follow through...but I am trying to do better, day by day. I am trying to put the things that matter most at the forefront of my life, and the better I do at doing this, the better I am at each of my responsibilities. I am striving to develop empathy and charity. I am far from perfect, I am far from where I hope to be when I leave this life, but I know that as I put my trust in God and through the Atonement of Christ, He can make me into so much more than I am on my own. I can become as clay in the potter's hand (Jeremiah 18:1-6). I love this BYU talk about being a clay in the potter's hand.

I am not who I want to be yet, and know that I won't ever make it there on my own. I have far too many weaknesses and far too few talents or gifts to be who I hope to be. I am very human. But, thankfully, none of us has to do this on our own. We can have the help of our Master. With his help, I can become even more than I want to be.

Abuela

Grandma Mercedes died on Thursday night. She is Alfredo's paternal grandma. She was 85 and her health was poor. She got pneumonia a couple of weeks ago, and she didn't recover. We went to visit her the night before she passed. Two feelings overcame me...one was a feeling of love for his aunts, uncles and cousins and sadness that they were about to lose someone they loved and for the pain they were feeling. That sadness for them brought tears to my eyes. And the second feeling was completely unexpected...as I stood next to her, the veil felt thin and this joy overcame me. How lucky she is to be done with this life and its challenges and difficulties! How joyous to be with loved ones. I honestly stood next to her feeling joy and jealousy. All weekend, there has been a part of me that has felt anxious to go HOME...back to my real home, to leave this frail existence and lay this mortal by. I know my time has not come, and really, I hope it doesn't come very soon. I want to raise my children and see them grow up, marry, have children. But oh, how I long to return to my Father. To be reunited with grandparents, my uncle Phil, great grandparents and others. To bathe my Savior's feet with my tears.

I am reminded of a country song that I haven't heard in a long time that I love, Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood:

Little boy, six years old
A little too used to being alone
Another new mom and dad
Another school, another house that will never be home
When people ask him how he likes this place
He looks up and says with a smile upon his face

This is my temporary home, it's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passing through
This is just a stop on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know
This is my temporary home

Young mom, on her own
She needs a little help, got nowhere to go
She's looking for a job, looking for a way out
'Cause a halfway house will never be a home
At night she whispers to her baby girl
"Someday we'll find our place here in this world"

This is our temporary home, it's not where we belong
Windows and rooms that we're passing through
This is just a stop on the way to where we're going
I'm not afraid because I know
This is our temporary home

Old man, hospital bed
The room is filled with people he loves
And he whispers
"Don't cry for me, I'll see you all someday"
He looks up and says
"I can see God's face"

This is my temporary home, it's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passing through
This was just a stop on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know
This was my temporary home

This is our temporary home

***
Now I just have to live so that I can receive that permanent, eternal home with my family and Savior.

Prayer

A week ago, one of my uncles posted a quote about praying on his Facebook page. It said real men pray and he commented about his dad praying daily (my grandpa.). One of my other uncles posted a comment that he used to pray and hope that God would do what he wanted. He said he is much happier now because he works hard to make what he wants happen and knows that the world is made a better place through action not prayer/hope.

I have been reflecting on this for days. Why do I pray? What value does it have? What blessings have come into my life as a result of prayer? Twice I started to post a response but felt like my response may not come across as loving and kind (I often worry about disagreeing at all online because when you can't hear the tone of voice and so on, intentions may be misread and I don't want to unintentionally offend) but did want to express what I truly believe. I decided I needed to ponder this and then record my thoughts.

One of my first thoughts was the quote, "Pray as if everything depends on The Lord, but then work as if everything depends on us." My sweet sister actually posted that quote on Facebook in a very kind response in which she said she respects my uncle's viewpoint but doesn't think they have to be mutually exclusive. She is the best. Not afraid to share her beliefs publicly, but able to do it in a positive, respectful, loving way.
I want to be more like her.

So why DO I pray?

1. Prayers are answered. Yesterday I blogged about Ella's heart surgery. Everything went better than expected. She was blessed in countless ways. I have no doubt that was an answer to prayers. I have had numerous times when my prayers have been answered. Some have been big things, many have been small things. There have been times when something has been lost and I've prayed and a thought has come into my mind and I have found the object. There have been times when I have had a feeling I needed to stop to visit someone or call them, and I have, and they have needed that and it was an answer to their prayers or vice versa times when people have provided service to me when I needed it but hadn't told anyone that I did. When I was called as RS President, I began to pray about who my counselors should be. I had some people in my mind, but as I prayed about who I should call, the answers came very clearly. One of my counselors I had never even spoken to before. She is shy and I was in Primary and she was relatively new in the ward. She was not one of the people that came to mind immediately, but she absolutely was meant to be one of my counselors along with my other counselor and secretary. And they have blessed my life immensely. I love them so much.

2. Prayer, when sincere and with the right spirit, humbles us. It is not about making The Lord give us what we want but about aligning our will with His. It is about coming to recognize that God can strengthen you so that you can endure trials with faith and courage and learning to trust that He knows what you need better than you do. I love this quote from Elder Scott, "His invitation, 'Ask and ye shall receive' (3 Nephi 27:29) does not assure you that you will get what you want. It does guarantee that, if worthy, you will get what you need, as judged by a Father in Heaven that loves you perfectly, who wants your eternal happiness even more than you do." (Richard G. Scott, Oct. 1995 conference). I also love these verses in Mosiah 24: 14-15 where he does not remove the trials and bondage that the people are under but he does strengthen them to be able to bear them, "And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a suretx that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."

So true prayer is not to get The Lord do our will, but about us coming to accept and do His will.

3. Prayer strengthens our relationship with our Father. I have had the spirit witness that I am a beloved child of God and that God lives. That Jesus Christ lives. It makes no sense to pray if you don't believe in God. But I do, with all my heart. I pray to communicate with my Father. If we want to build a relationship with someone, we spend time with them. We talk to them, confide in them, share ourselves with them. If we want a relationship with our Father, we need to do the same. We spend time with him and communicate with him as we kneel in prayer, pour out our heart to Him, and as we study the scriptures and listen for the spirit. I love Alma 37 where it lists all the things we should pray for and the times when we should pray.

4. Prayer is a way to show our love for our fellowman. Often those we love face difficult challenges. We yearn to help them or to ease their burden. We can show love for them by doing what we can to help...listening, taking a meal, helping with a child, or doing countless other acts of service. But in addition to these acts of service, which we should provide if we are able, we can pray for that loved one. No matter where they are or what situation they are facing or what our ability is to help them, we can pray for them. These prayers are both a way to show our love AND a way to increase our love for them.

5. Prayer helps us overcome our personal weaknesses. Prayer can help us forgive others who have wronged us. It helps us to be more patient, kind, more aware of others' feelings. It helps us overcome addiction, anger, pride or other sins and weaknesses we have.

6. Prayer can comfort us when sad, worried or sorrowful. Prayer invites the spirit, the Comforter, to come and abide with us.

7. We are encouraged to seek revelation and guidance from the Holy Ghost. Most often that guidance comes after we have asked in prayer.

8. Prayer protects us against the adversary, the devil, who is also very real. "Pray always that you may come off conqueror; yea that you might conquer Satan, and that you may escape the hands of the servant of Satan that do uphold his work." (D&C 10:5)

9. Going back to the first quote...pray as if everything depended on The Lord, work as if everything depended upon you. Faith, without works, is dead. So too, our prayers are not very meaningful or valid if we expect that we can pray and just expect blessings without actions, without work.
“I long have been impressed with the truth that meaningful prayer requires both holy communication and consecrated work. Blessings require some effort on our part before we can obtain them… We press forward and persevere in the consecrated work of prayer, after we say “amen” by acting upon the things we have expressed to Heavenly Father.” ~Elder David A. Bednar, Ask in Faith.

I have seen prayer change hearts and lives. It changes me. It brings me joy and peace. I truly believe that miracles have NOT ceased and I see evidence of them regularly. I cannot imagine my life without prayer.

Why do you pray?

Family History Journal: Health

Question 20: What medical issues have you dealt with?
I have been blessed with good health. The only times I have been hospitalized were to deliver my babies. I have only broken one bone on my body...the big toe on my right foot. I never had to have stitches for injuries. Never had a concussion. Never been badly burned (well, I have been sunburned on several occasions but not severely sunburned...enough to peel and be uncomfortable but no third degree burns of any kind). I get colds and viruses. When I first started teaching I seemed to get laryngitis each year. I've had chicken pox...and that was the pits. I hate to itch. Hate it! An I got the chicken pox in fourth grade the week before Christmas. I had to miss a week of school. And that year my school had man made snow delivered to our playground and each class got to build a snowman. (Growing up in Phoenix, we didn't have real snow...this was a big deal. A once in a childhood opportunity.). My class won the snowman building contest and if I remember correctly their picture was in the newspaper. And I missed it all. Missed the Christmas party. It was miserable.

But other than chicken pox, I have really been blessed with good health. No chronic health problems, no serious illnesses or injuries.

The hardest health challenge I have experienced was not my own, but my daughter's. When Ella was four months old, the pediatrician noticed she had a heart murmur. We were referred to Primary Children's Hospital. We took Ella up there for a chest X-ray, EKG and echocardiogram. We had a wonderful cardiologist, Susan Etheridge. And we discovered that Ella had VSD...ventricular septal defect...or a hole in her heart. It is the most common congenital heart defect. There was a chance it may close on its own, so they wanted to watch and see...every 3-4 months, we returned to Primary to see Dr. Etheridge and to have more echoes and chest x-rays. When Ella was 18 months, they decided she did need surgery. It was scheduled for December 17, a Thursday, at 1 PM. Ella was 19 months old. The surgery would take about 3-4 hours and they expected her to be hospitalized for 4-7 days. In order to perform the surgery, they have to crack the rib cage, stop the heart...then use a pump (like a pacemaker) to keep blood flowing, and put in a little patch where the hole is. The heart would then heal around the patch and she would be fine. It was scary, because they have to warn you of all the things that might go wrong...her heart might not start again, it could mess up the electrical impulses between her heart and brain, etc. etc. As if I wasn't nervous enough. While they performed me surgery, they found a second, smaller hole in her atrial valve. That hole was small enough they would not have performed surgery to close it...but it may have led to migraines or other minor problems...and since they had her open, they sewed that hole shut with a couple of stitches. Pretty miraculous.

It was hard to go through, but I know many others have experienced much harder things. And there were miracles along the way. Ella had to have RSV shots because children with VSD are prone to respiratory infections and other issues...but Ella hardly even got colds in her first 19 months. She was able to wait until she was 19 months old to have the surgery rather than having it earlier. The surgery went perfectly, and she healed much faster than they expected. By Saturday night, they wanted her to move around a bit and so Alfredo took her in a wagon for a ride. She wanted to get out and walk, and he asked if that was okay. They said yes. She didn't just walk...she ran. H was chasing her, hoping she wouldn't fall and open the stitches in her chest. Sunday morning she was released...3 days (and not even full days) after the surgery. We got home and she was climbing stairs and running. She was so resilient. One of Alfredo's adult friends had open heart surgery a couple of months before and he spent weeks in bed and coughing or laughing put him in tremendous pain for quite some time. Here Ella was laughing and running and doing so well. It thrilled and worried me (that she would fall and get hurt). I know that her quick recovery was due to the prayers of so many family and friends and the priesthood blessings she received...as well as the wonderful care she received from doctors, nurses and others. And while I would not wish something like this on anyone, I was overwhelmed by the love showed to our family by neighbors, friends, ward members and family. Meals, gifts for our kids, phone calls to see if we needed anything from the grocery store, and so on. I felt an outpouring of love that has only been rivaled by the weeks immediately following my call as Relief Society President. Often, in the years since, when I have felt lonely or unpopular, I have remembered that experience and have known that many people love my family...even if I wasn't able to see/feel that right that moment. It has been a sustaining experience.

Six weeks after her surgery, Ella got RSV and influenza B. She was hospitalized again for a couple of days. Again, it was scary...and yet comforting to see the wonderful care she was receiving, to know that she would be okay, and to feel the love and support of those around us. By one year after her surgery, her heart was completely normal. There was a noticeable difference in the size of her heart when they showed us chest X-rays from before/after. After a year a half, we were told we didn't have to come back, we didn't have to inform anyone that she'd ever had heart surgery (like the school or sports teams) and she had no activity restrictions. She should live a long and perfectly healthy life.

I am grateful for how blessed we have been!

Family History Journal: What Scares You?

Question 39:  What scares you?  from 52 Questions, 52 Weeks.

I am a bit of a scaredy cat.  There are lots of things that scare me.

I am scared of heights.  I really, really don't like being up in high places where I feel like I could fall.  There are a few exceptions, but generally, I really don't like heights.

I don't like spiders.  Logically, I know that most of them are helpful.  Yet seeing a spider in my home still creates an illogical fear inside me.

I am scared of and don't like most roller coasters.  I don't like the sensation of dropping or flipping upside down.  It both scares me and makes me feel sick.  When we go to amusement parks, I am very happy to stay in the kid area with my younger girls while Alfredo and Michelle (and ocassionally Ella) ride the scarier rides.

I am a tiny bit claustrophobic.  I can be in small spaces as long as nothing is covering my face.  I can't stand having a blanket on top of my face...it makes me feel a bit panicky.  But I can go in caves with no problem.  In college, there were some caves in Spanish Fork (I think?) that we would sometimes go to.  There was one place where you had to lie down and slither through and it was pretty tight.  That didn't bother me at all, but one of my roommates couldn't go.  She was very claustrophobic.  But if my kids and I play hide n seek inside the house, the worst place for me to hide is under covers on a bed...it really does make me start to feel panicky.

I don't really enjoy most risky things.  I have no desire to sky dive or bungee jump or dive off cliffs into a lake.  Things like that don't appeal to me.

I have become a little bit braver as I have become older.  When I was younger, I really didn't like to try things that I might not be successful at.  I am pretty clumsy and uncoordinated, and I have never been good at sports.  But a couple of years ago, I ran a half marathon.  That was a big accomplishment for me.  I gave birth to two of my children naturally.  I had wisdom teeth pulled without being put under or getting laughing gas...they just numbed the area and pulled them out.  Small things, but still brave for me.  I am more willing to  try things as I get older, probably because I realize that even if I fail, it won't be that big of a deal and because I have realized that I am stronger than I used to think.

But still, I am more on the timid side of the spectrum than the brave side.  I am not very outgoing but I'm working on that.  On the other hand, public speaking makes me a tiny bit nervous but doesn't fill me with dread.  In fact, I would much rather have to speak in church or give a presentation at work than mingle with strangers at a party.  I feel like I am better at speaking when I have a clear focus and a chance to prepare my thoughts than when I just need to engage in a conversation, particularly with strangers.

I am not scared of dying, but I am scared of suffering.  I don't know how well I would cope with extreme and/or ongoing pain.  I hope I would  be brave and maintain a good attitude and retain hope, but I don't know if I would.

Sometimes I feel scared about the future and what will happen to my children and someday grandchildren.   I worry about the choices they will make and whether I have taught them well enough.  But when I study the scriptures and listen to conference messages, I feel there is much more reason to rejoice and hope and trust than to be afraid.

So all in all, quite a few things I am scared of!  :)

Spring Break Activities

Spring break has been wonderful! Just what we all needed. The girls all got new swim suits so they have been very anxious to go swimming. So on Tuesday night we went to the West Valley indoor pool to swim.

Here they are showing off their new swim suits...and their silliness.

On Wednesday, we went to a park and played for an  hour.  The girls had fun.  For a long time, Gabby was scared of slides.  She didn't really even like baby slides.  But in the past year, she has gotten over that fear/dislike of slides and now she enjoys them.

Wednesday evening, we dyed Easter eggs.  Usually I just use food coloring and bowls, but this year I saw a small kit that came with little roller brushes that you could use to roll on the coloring or even make a sponge painting effect.  So I bought the kit.  The girls had a great time decorating their eggs.  They turned out quite pretty.

Museum of Ancient Life--Thanksgiving Point

A friend was able to tour the Museum of Curiosity opening soon at Thanksgiving Point.  She loved it.  Her kids loved it!   I can hardly wait to go.  So, it got me thinking about Thanksgiving Point.  It's a bit of a drive, so we don't go there often.  In fact, I have only taken my kids to the Museum of Ancient Life there once.  Years ago.  Long enough ago that they barely remember it (and Gabby doesn't remember it at all.  Can't remember if we went before she was born or when she was a baby.)  So I looked into memberships and decided that a membership to Thanksgiving Point would be a good idea.  A membership gets us into the Farm, The Museum of Ancient Life, the Gardens, and The Museum of Curiosity.  So we bought a membership on Tuesday and enjoyed several hours at the Museum of Ancient Life.  It was the perfect time to buy a membership because apparently they are going up in price in a few weeks.

We spent probably 30 minutes in the Tinkering exhibit.  It is very hands on and was lots of fun.  The girls loved these spinning wheels with sand on them.  There were different tools that you could use and make different designs and shapes in the sand.  They spent a long time experimenting with the sand wheels.

I enjoyed spinning a huge bingo type wheel filled with words.  You then pulled out certain colors and arranged them in certain patterns to create interesting phrases/sentences.  Some of them were poetic sounding.

There was also what looked like a photo booth. You went inside and pressed a button. It counted down and then snapped a photo...but because the room was dark...it created a frozen shadow on the wall. The girls and I had fun jumping and posing a lifting each other up to create interesting shadows on the wall. You could make patterns with pattern blocks, experiment with electric circuits, have races with two cars with sails in front of wind and other activities. It was very fun.

And of course, we enjoyed seeing the dinosaur bones. It is pretty remarkable to see the size of some of these dinosaurs like the camarasaurus. The girls don't even reach to its knee. They enjoyed a computer program where you could mix different dinosaur heads, middles and bottoms. They loved playing in the sand pit.

We had a great time...and happily we can go back again soon. And we can go to the farm, the gardens and The Museum of Curiosity when it opens. We also got a coupon to bring a photographer and get photos taken in the garden. Awesome!!