Month of Miracles

 President Nelson has asked us to study faith and to watch for miracles.  I've been diligently studying faith and trying to increase my faith though it has felt a lot like I take 3 steps backward and then 1 step forward.  But this month in August, in Inklings, Emily Freeman is focusing on miracles...big ones, little ones, any divine manifestation of love.  And I need to see and feel the miracles in my life.  I need that right now.  So I decided that for the rest of August (and hopefully into September), I am going to watch carefully for the miracles I'm experiencing or seeing and record them.

On Thursday, August 12,  Sara, Jackie and I went to the temple.  That in itself is a miracle!  Temples are open!!  I'm so incredibly thankful for that!  Also, I have this picture in my home of a sunset in Africa.  It was taken by my friend Natalie Grange (she's so talented!).  I love this picture.  It's beautiful and it is soothing and it also reminds me of goals I have for the future.  And in the endowment, the creation is represented and there is one scene that looks remarkably similar to my photograph.  And it's such a simple thing.  But whenever I see it, it feels like Heavenly Father is giving me a hug and saying "I see you.  I know you.  I'm in the "details of the details of the details of [your] lives."" (Chi Hong Sam Wong)  And that happened Thursday.

On Saturday, August 14, I had a hard day.  Very emotional.  Lots of anxiety and lots of feelings of inadequacy.  But when I was feeling really low, the thought came to reach out to my sister Rebecca and see if she could talk on Sunday.  She said she would love to.  So on Sunday, I called her and it really brought a feeling of peace to talk to her.

On Sunday, August 15, I was feeling discouraged and worried.  I'm anxious about returning to school and sending my girls back to school and sending Michelle off to Utah State.  And I feel a lot of uncertainty and concern about a variety of things.  The world feels heavy.  Shortly after I awoke a strong prompting came to begin to study discernment.  So I will...in fact I started this afternoon.  And I went to church and prayed that I could feel the spirit and feel some peace.  And the first speaker, Chris Lloyd, spoke about anxiety and getting caught ruminating on mistakes of the past or worries about the future and what we need to do to fear not.  It was exactly what I needed to hear!  Exactly!   And then Brother Gardner spoke about how Joseph Smith experienced hardship and turmoil and despair, but the Lord comforted him and blessed him.  And the Savior experienced the greatest suffering imaginable.  Or rather His suffering isn't even imaginable!  He knows exactly what we're experiencing because He has walked that lonely road.  And I knew that I need to recenter my thoughts and life on Christ.  And there will still be challenges, but I will be okay.  It seriously felt like the Lord wrote those talks directly for me.  They were definitely a message I needed.

More than a month ago, we decided to do worth week again this year.  We will be doing it next week, August 22-29.  I can tell my spirit needs it.  I hope with all my heart that it touches some of the YW, but I am already certain that it is going to be a miracle in my life.  Even just preparing for it is helping me.

Wednesday, August 18:  I went to Walmart for a few groceries and a bunch of school supplies.  I was standing in line and began talking to the woman in front of me.  (Even that is unusual...I don't typically talk to strangers, but she was very friendly.)  After a minute or two of talking, she looked at my cart and saw that I had a lot of school supplies.  She asked if I was a teacher or I had a lot of kids or I just loved school supplies.  I said I was a teacher.  She said how grateful she was for teachers and we chatted for a couple more minutes.  Then she said something to the family in front of her, and they talked for a minute and she said something about me being a teacher and buying all these supplies for my students.  The family turned to me and asked if I was a teacher and what grade I teach.  Then they thanked me and said they know the last year and a half has been really challenging for teachers and for students and they are so grateful for all that teachers do.  They said they wanted to help pay for my supplies.  I said they didn't need to, but they insisted and so I thanked them.  They put money on a gift card and gave it to me and the woman in front of me pulled a $20 bill out of her pocket and handed it to me.  I teared up completely.  I don't know these people and I'll probably never see them again.  But their kindness and generosity meant so much.

Thursday, August 19:  We had district training.  I've been feeling a bit concerned about finances or maybe concerned is too strong...but wishing there were a way for me to make just a little bit extra money.  We're fine, but with Michelle starting college, we have a few more expenditures now.  And I'm not as good at budgeting as I should be.   So I went to district training and they are implementing a new reading program and training.  I don't think it's going to be anything earth shattering or significantly change the way I teach, and it is going to be work to do all the training.  So most experienced teachers are frustrated to have one more thing to add to their plates.  But it will be $1800 if you complete the state provided training. And the district is doing some additional trainings in which we will be paid $30/hour for attendance.  So there's potential for me to earn over $2,000 extra dollars this year.  Not a ton extra, but still a little miracle.

Wednesday, August 25:  I got a text this morning with some worrisome news.  It was  a friend/member of my ward, Stefanie.  I appreciated that she sent the text and shared the information, but even more so that she expressed love and concern and no judgment.   

Tonight, Jackie stopped by with some lemon cake and to see how I was doing and how my first week of school was going.  My girls had gone out with my sister for a couple of hours, so Jackie came in and visited and listened to me share some of the worries I was having.

Also, a teacher came into the work room while I was making copies. When I finished, she made a few quick copies and also asked me to tell her about our trip to El Salvador this summer.  Then she asked a question and soon I was telling her about the worrisome news I had received that  morning.  She listened and then told me about a dear friend who had some expertise in that area and sent me her friend's Instagram contact information and sent so much love and concern.  Then later that night, Crumbl cookies were delivered to my house from this coworker with a humorous note (she'd joked about me needing Calgon to come and take me away...but how it really doesn't transport you anywhere).

Thursday, August 26:  I got a text today from my friend  Lilia just to see how I was doing.  After sharing a bit about how much I'm worried about an issue, she sent so much love and also a resource that might be helpful.

And at Ella's tennis match, I sat with Melissa Tye, our stake YW president.  Her daughter was Ella's double partner today.  And Melissa and I had the best conversation and I was reminded that I don't ever have to go through this life alone.

Friday, August 27:

Annie Smith was married and sealed today.  She invited me to be at her sealing, which meant a lot to me.  I took a personal day to attend.  I had an appointment to do an endowment session in the morning.  Despite all the love shown to me over the past couple of days, I was still feeling very worried.  I haven't been sleeping well.  And Alfredo is out of town.  And Michelle moves to college tomorrow.  And it's the first week of a new school year.  And I'm a bit of a mess.  I guess, more than a bit.  Anyway, I went to the temple.  And the things I am worried about are still there.  But I felt peace envelop me.  It felt almost like a blanket of comfort was being wrapped around me.  I feel like everything will be okay.  I don't know exactly what that means, but I know that I'm a daughter of God.  I know that He loves me and He is aware of me.  And I feel peace.

After the endowment session, I met Michelle for lunch. We talked and laughed and got a bit teary and oh how I love that girl!  She's such a blessing to me.  All 3 of my girls are.  I adore them.  

Then I went to Annie's sealing.  And it was so beautiful.  There are such incredible promises in the sealing.  How grateful I am for the temple and all that it means to me.  And how grateful I am to have been able to watch Annie grow and to be a small part of her life and her learning of the gospel.  My girls and I also went to her reception.

Saturday, September 4:

Today, Gabby and I went to the Jordan River Temple to do baptisms with my friend Annette, her two oldest kids, her niece and nephew-in-law, and another family that are good friends of Annette's.  I love being in the temple, so I was happy to be there.  In order for the youth to get to do  5 baptisms each, I offered to  just do confirmations.  So I went into the font area and handed out towels to everyone in our group.  Annette's nephew-in-law was the last one to get baptized.  Just as he was finishing, a temple worker walked in and said that a patron had brought a name and asked if it was possible to complete the baptism and asked if he would be able to do it.  She said she thought it was in Japanese.  He was willing and then he looked at the card and said, Oh this is in Korean.  I read Korean.  He asked if they would like him to perform the baptism and the temple worker who was baptizing him could be baptized for this man.  So that is what they did.  I was so incredibly touched.  A patron came at just the right time, right when someone was there that could read Korean and perform the ordinance and pronounce the name correctly.  Now I know that had that not been the case, the workers would have done their best and the ordinance would have been just as valid.  But this felt like such a small but beautiful miracle.  He was there, he had skills and knowledge that allowed him to do this work, and the Lord used his gifts and talents to bless this life and show his love to this individual.  And as I stood there, I thought about how I want to try to be in the right place at the right time with a willing heart, so the Lord can use ME to bless others.  I want to develop as many talents as possible and gain as much knowledge as possible so I can be a better tool or better instrument in the Lord's work.

I don't know if this is a miracle or not...but for several days I had been thinking about Michelle's best friend.  She is Ella's age, so she is still in high school and she recently broke up with her boyfriend and Michelle moved up to Logan for college.  And I just thought that maybe this was a bit of a hard week.  And even if not, I felt like I wanted her to know how much we love her.  So I bought flowers and dropped them off with a card.  And I got the sweetest text from her.  I don't know if she needed the flowers or not, but I'm so glad I was able to do something small to express love for her.

Holy Envy: Amish

 In the last couple of years, I've heard several people speak about "holy envy".  It's a term coined by author Barbara Brown Taylor.  Basically it means to notice the ways in which OTHER faiths practice their beliefs and recognize the beauty and goodness inherent in other faith traditions.  It means to search for things that are unique and distinct about each religion and what their traditions reveal about God, about holiness, about transcendence.  It doesn't need to change your love for your own faith but just to recognize that there is truth and goodness in other places.  And maybe it can help you refine your own spiritual practices.

When Gabby and I went to New York, we went to Watkins Glen State Park.  When we arrived, there was a large group of Amish youth (and a few adults were there supervising) playing volleyball and interacting.  Later, some of them were walking the trails in the park.  I felt a bit of holy envy as I watched them.  Here were some of the things I observed and thought about.

First, they all dressed similarly in simple fashions.  This made them stand out.  They are different from the world.  There was something powerful about looking around and seeing so many youth that clearly believe similarly and choose to live their belief in the way they act and dress.  Now I imagine that I'm simplifying things in some ways as I imagine that some rebel and some feel constrained...but it just felt neat to be able to differentiate between them and others... they are "distinct and different from the world" and don't seem so caught up in the worldly distractions or worldly manners of clothing and music and pride.  They were laughing and enjoying time together in ways that seemed very wholesome and humble.  They dressed modestly.  It made me think...can people tell by the way I act, dress, speak, and live that I am a follower of Jesus Christ.  

They speak Pennsylvania Dutch and that shared language/vocabulary made me feel a bit of holy envy.  They speak English, but they have this second language that binds them as a community and ties them together.  Within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we definitely have some shared vocabulary or some terms that we understand that are unique to our faith.  But we don't have a shared language distinct from those around us.  And because we have a global church (which I love!) we don't even all speak the same language.

I am articulating this much more poorly than the thoughts and feelings I had that day.  But it felt like there was a spirit of unity and shared purpose.  Of course, each individual has unique gifts and talents and interests, but there was a feeling of camraderie and that they were united in the way they choose to live their lives.  United in a way that feels hard for me to find lately.  

Ultimately, it felt like they were filled with light.  They were friendly and smiling and laughing and seemed to exude a quiet confidence and joy.  I wondered if I would also be recognizable as a disciple of Christ by the way that I talk and interact with others.  Am I "distinct and different in happy ways" as we've been encouraged to be?  Is there any way for others to tell that I am a Latter-day Saint?  And what can I do to build greater unity in my home, my ward, my neighborhood and this world?  

LESSONS LEARNED:

There is much of value in other faith traditions.

Do I stand out as distinct and different?

How can I increase unity?

Watkins Glen, Buttermilk Falls, Book of Mormon Publication Site

 A couple of months before our trip someone recommended that we visit Watkins Glen State Park.  It was a lot smaller than I expected.  But it packs a lot of beauty into a small space. There are 19 waterfalls in a two mile area.  It's very close to Seneca Lake in the Finger Lakes region.  As you drive to Watkins Glen, you're driving parallel to Seneca Lake so there's some pretty views.  And it is wine country, so we passed about 50 wineries.  There were grape fields everywhere.  

Gabby didn't want to hike the entire length of Watkins Glen, but we went most of the way and got some incredible views of this gorge and its falls.

There was a pond covered in lily pads.  It sits very close to where the Watkins Glen Resort/Hotel used to sit (the hotel is gone).  We stopped to admire the lily pads and heard a chorus of frogs.  We sat and watched one of the frogs for a bit, but he blended in so well you can't see him.  

Buttermilk Falls State Park:  One of the senior missionaries told us that we should visit Buttermilk Falls State Park.  It's also pretty small...and in many ways similar to Watkins Glen.  You walk a couple of miles through a gorge and see waterfall after waterfall.  It's green and beautiful.  There were signs saying that it's illegal to wade or swim, but many people ignored the signs.  (We were good citizens and didn't swim or wade.)

Lots of moss grew along Buttermilk Falls. 

We went to the Grandin Print Shop where the Book of Mormon was published.  I learned a few things that either I didn't know or had forgotten.  The print shop still has the original flooring in several rooms and one wall of bricks is the original brick.  The print shop was often used for religious and political meetings.  There were a lot of parallels between Grandin's life and Joseph Smith's life.  Interestingly, Grandin only had the printing business for 5 years...right at the time that Joseph was ready to publish the Book of Mormon.  Also, they had an acorn press...a new press at the time.  With the acorn press, it took 7 months to print the Book of Mormon. With the older press that they owned, it would have taken two years to print.  After printing, they also had to bind the book.  All together it took 17 months to print and bind.

There's a map in the Book of Mormon publication site that shows the languages the Book of Mormon is published in as of 2007...so it's not up to date.  Still it was neat to see.  And we had the same sister missionaries as at the Smith Farm so that was fun as well.

Oh how I love the Book of Mormon.  It is miraculous how it was able to come forth!  And it blesses my life every single day.  I am so grateful I was able to take Gabby to see all of these sights, to spend time talking and laughing, to feel the spirit together and to talk about the miracles that occured.