For some reason, this title for a post has been floating in my head for over a week. It certainly describes me (but I'm sure it describes us all...none of us are perfect and we're probably all too aware of our own mistakes).
So, perhaps to comfort other imperfect mothers or to let my kids know that I realize I'm not perfect or perhaps to urge myself to improve, here are a few (but certainly this is not an exhaustive list!) of ways that I am imperfect:
1... Sometimes our dinners (and often our lunches) consist of less healthy foods such as frozen pizza, hot dogs, or macaroni and cheese because I'm tired and in a hurry. (However, I must say that most nights I do try to cook a healthy meal and we do eat a lot of fruits and veggies around here...)
2. Sometimes on Saturdays or days off, I don't even brush my kids' hair and they choose their own clothes.
3. I yell at them. I try not to yell a lot, and I usually apologize when I lose my cool. But I do lose my cool.
4. I'd like to say that my children are being taught to clean and do chores, but I'm not as consistent at this as I should be. It often feels easier to do it myself. Alfredo often reminds me that, in the long run, it will make all of our lives easier if I teach them now to clean up after themselves. He is right, I know, and so I try... but as I said, I'm not as consistent as I should be.
5. I've bribed my kids on more than one ocassion. I've also not followed through on a few threats. Terrible, I know, but true...
6. I've had lazy days where they have watched tv while I napped on the couch beside them.
7. My baby, who is a climber and is not afraid of anything and is mischievious, is always getting into things. She's put makeup all over her face on a couple of ocassions, painted her body with paint and markers, climbed on a stool and gotten into cupboards,and decided to give herself a bath in the bathroom sink. We are very fortunate that she hasn't been hurt, because you literally can't turn your back on her for more than a minute. And sometimes, her busy mom (that's me!) turns her back for 4 or 5 minutes.
8. I am still working on teaching them...I'm not as consistent as I need to be with scripture study. We've improved (but are still imperfect) at FHE and family prayer.
9. After dealing with discipline problems at school all day, I sometimes let behaviors slide that I probably shouldn't. I don't let them get away with anything too terrible, and they really are good kids...but there are things I should be more strict about.
That said, I do realize that I also have strengths as a mom. I don't think I'm a terrible mom, only a work in progress. Isn't that one of the great things (and hard things) about life...we're all still learning and growing? And these sweet, precious children are each so different...and they don't come with user manuals! So we learn as we go, we make mistakes and we keep trying to improve.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Our Graduate
Mirielle, our now five year old, graduated from preschool on Friday. The first of at least 4 graduations... preschool, junior high, high school, college. (Most schools even do 6th grade, so perhaps five 5 graduations are in her future...) This graduation was primarily a singing program where they reviewed what they had learned each month this year and sang a song to go with it. Each child came up and told something that they learned and then they were presented with their "diploma". I have been so impressed with all that Ella has learned this year. It's amazing all that she remembers and comes home to tell me.
Ella with her sweet preschool teacher, Miss Becky.
A funny thing about graduation. Ella hates having her hair done. Most days we're happy to get it in a pony tail. If we're having a real happy morning, we might get a quick bun or pig tails. But for graduation, I talked her into letting me do a pretty twist around her head, ending in a bun. It really did look pretty. I should have taken pictures before she left for school, but I didn't. When I arrived at her preschool graduation, she had pulled her hair completely out and it was just loose. It didn't look bad, but it didn't look as nice as it had. Oh well. That's my Ella, for you!
Ella with her sweet preschool teacher, Miss Becky.
A funny thing about graduation. Ella hates having her hair done. Most days we're happy to get it in a pony tail. If we're having a real happy morning, we might get a quick bun or pig tails. But for graduation, I talked her into letting me do a pretty twist around her head, ending in a bun. It really did look pretty. I should have taken pictures before she left for school, but I didn't. When I arrived at her preschool graduation, she had pulled her hair completely out and it was just loose. It didn't look bad, but it didn't look as nice as it had. Oh well. That's my Ella, for you!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Birthday Bash
Michelle and Ella's birthdays are 15 days apart, so we do a combined party for them. And it always turns into a huge party. Alfredo has aunts, uncles and cousins nearby and they all come. My dad, and my aunt and uncle come. Add some great neighbors, a few other close friends, and we have a crowd. We have a barbecue and a pinata and the kids run and play. This year was no exception. In fact, it just may have been their best birthday yet. My kids were spoiled royally by all of our kind friends and family. And I think everyone had a great time. Michelle was thrilled that two of her good friends from school, Riley and Liliana, were able to come.
This year Alfredo put up a zipline at the end of the party and that was a huge hit. There was a constant line waiting for turns to ride the zipline. And my kids have had the time of their lives today playing with their new toys. (And unbeknownst to them, I hid a few in a closet to take out over the summer as a new surprise, to add novelty to our time at home....) We are so thankful to have been blessed with so many people that we love and that love our girls!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
St. George
Last weekend, (Mother's Day weekend), we took a trip down to St. George. It was part business, part pleasure... but it was all so fun. Alfredo's company, Utility Trailer, was opening a new store down in St. George. So Alfredo and his boss spent about 9 hours on Friday, setting everything up. It went from a completely empty room to this:
They worked hard and we all went back Saturday morning to finish up. We even put the kids to work, sweeping and wiping down counters. But they had some fun too, dancing, singing and even a few rounds of miniature golf. :)
We spent time swimming, we went to the park and played, we walked around the St. George Temple and we had a barbecue with Jeremy, Stacie, Avie, and Eli. Then on Sunday, we drove through Snow Canyon and took the 1/2 mile trail to the sand dunes. Snow Canyon was beautiful. This was a wonderful weekend, and we enjoyed spending time with Jeremy's family. It was a lovely weekend.
They worked hard and we all went back Saturday morning to finish up. We even put the kids to work, sweeping and wiping down counters. But they had some fun too, dancing, singing and even a few rounds of miniature golf. :)
We spent time swimming, we went to the park and played, we walked around the St. George Temple and we had a barbecue with Jeremy, Stacie, Avie, and Eli. Then on Sunday, we drove through Snow Canyon and took the 1/2 mile trail to the sand dunes. Snow Canyon was beautiful. This was a wonderful weekend, and we enjoyed spending time with Jeremy's family. It was a lovely weekend.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
labels
I am reading an amazing novel called The Help by Kathryn Stockett. It is about Jackson, Mississippi in the 1960's and how "the help", the African American maids are treated by the white women they work for. In the book, a white woman decides to write the stories of these maids. So she meets with a dozen maids and hears their stories. She then changes their names and writes their stories. The story is told from the perspective of the white woman, Skeeter, as well as two of the maids, Aibileen and Minny. There are, of course, some very troubling parts...and some very touching parts.
Skeeter, due to the choices she makes to stand up against her friends, is labeled and ostracized. She really hasn't changed, but the labels they give her have changed. Also, Aibileen and Minny are talking and Aibileen is explaining that really they are all people and that the labels between the help and their employers, and between the white trash and the society women and so on are just labels used to divide. It was put much more eloquently than that, but I can't find it to quote it.
Anyway, it has had me thinking about labels. Why do we label people and divide them into groups? As I read about the times before civil rights, it disgusts me the way that many people treated their fellow human beings. And I hope and think that we have made improvements in society. But I'm not foolish enough to believe that labeling and dividing people has gone away. We still separate ourselves into groups. I know that I am guilty at times of labeling people or groups, based on education level or race or economic status or religious beliefs. I hope that I don't allow these labels to affect the way I treat people, but they probably do. So why do we do this? Do we have an innate need to feel better than others? I know that our brain automatically sorts things into categories and groups in order to store and retrieve information more effectively, and this makes sense in most areas. But not as much with human beings when it seems that far too often the labels we assign are used to separate, cause harm, elevate one group over another. In my experience, we all do it at some level, and perhaps, being aware of it and making an effort to see beyond these labels or stereotypes or groupings can allow us to make changes in the way we interact with and treat others. Because it is easy to think unkindly or act unkindly to a group of people who you see as different, but once you get to know them personally, as individuals, it is harder to continue those unfair thoughts and actions. Maybe that is why I am able to have very different thoughts and opinions about illegal immigrants than many people...because I know many of them and have seen that most of them are good people and don't live up to some of the stereotypes you hear about them. I think we need to challenge ourselves, when we notice that we are labeling someone or stereotyping them, to go beyond that label and see what makes them like us, not what makes us different.
I am reminded of a short section from a book called Expecting Adam by Martha Beck. She wrote about going jogging one day and seeing what she thought was quartz. She was excited as she reached down to pick it up, thinking she had found this beautiful mineral,glistening in the sun. But when she picked it up, it was actually styrofoam and she dropped it disgusted. But then she began thinking about this... her reaction had totally changed when she found out what it was, not because the object had changed (it was always styrofoam, and it had still looked pretty), but because her label for the object had changed...one label was precious mineral, the other garbage. She began to think about how our labels for people changed how we saw them, and for the rest of the day she tried to see people without labels. She didn't last long, she began to cry beause the people around her were so beautiful. She writes, "This was enough to make me wonder if many of the things I reviled as ugly might not in fact be beautiful, if I might be robbing myself of beauty with my own cognitive prejudice." Certainly the people in Jackson, Mississippi were. Martha Beck also writes, "If we saw people as they really are, the beauty would overwhelm us. (pages 307-308)"
At the end of The Help, Stockett tells a little about her maid growing up and what led her to writing the book. She says that there is one line that she prizes in the book, and I think she puts what I am trying to say so succinctly, that I'd like to share it as well:
"Wasn't that the point of the book? For women to realize, We are just two people. Not that much separates us. Not nearly as much as I'd thought."
Anyway, I certainly don't have all the answers. And I know I'm guilty of labeling too. But I guess we have to be careful to examine the labels and things we believe. We hear at church to love our neighbors, to not use terms like "non-member" because it separates, to forgive, to love the sinner but not the sin. And I do believe that many, most, of us are trying. But I know there are times that I can do better. Interestingly, in The Help, when Skeeter's books is published, several of the women in town read the book and don't recognize themselves in the book. They don't see themselves as being haughty and cruel to their help. Others do recognize themselves. For good or ill, I would hope that I would have the self-knowledge to recognize myself and see where I feel short and needed to change. I would hope that I would have been like Skeeter and overcome my own prejudices and labels, so that I could do what I believed in and not listened to the opinions of others. I hope that I can work harder to do that in my every day life as I interact with parents of my students, neighbors, coworkers and others that often live different lives and come from different backgrounds than I do.
Skeeter, due to the choices she makes to stand up against her friends, is labeled and ostracized. She really hasn't changed, but the labels they give her have changed. Also, Aibileen and Minny are talking and Aibileen is explaining that really they are all people and that the labels between the help and their employers, and between the white trash and the society women and so on are just labels used to divide. It was put much more eloquently than that, but I can't find it to quote it.
Anyway, it has had me thinking about labels. Why do we label people and divide them into groups? As I read about the times before civil rights, it disgusts me the way that many people treated their fellow human beings. And I hope and think that we have made improvements in society. But I'm not foolish enough to believe that labeling and dividing people has gone away. We still separate ourselves into groups. I know that I am guilty at times of labeling people or groups, based on education level or race or economic status or religious beliefs. I hope that I don't allow these labels to affect the way I treat people, but they probably do. So why do we do this? Do we have an innate need to feel better than others? I know that our brain automatically sorts things into categories and groups in order to store and retrieve information more effectively, and this makes sense in most areas. But not as much with human beings when it seems that far too often the labels we assign are used to separate, cause harm, elevate one group over another. In my experience, we all do it at some level, and perhaps, being aware of it and making an effort to see beyond these labels or stereotypes or groupings can allow us to make changes in the way we interact with and treat others. Because it is easy to think unkindly or act unkindly to a group of people who you see as different, but once you get to know them personally, as individuals, it is harder to continue those unfair thoughts and actions. Maybe that is why I am able to have very different thoughts and opinions about illegal immigrants than many people...because I know many of them and have seen that most of them are good people and don't live up to some of the stereotypes you hear about them. I think we need to challenge ourselves, when we notice that we are labeling someone or stereotyping them, to go beyond that label and see what makes them like us, not what makes us different.
I am reminded of a short section from a book called Expecting Adam by Martha Beck. She wrote about going jogging one day and seeing what she thought was quartz. She was excited as she reached down to pick it up, thinking she had found this beautiful mineral,glistening in the sun. But when she picked it up, it was actually styrofoam and she dropped it disgusted. But then she began thinking about this... her reaction had totally changed when she found out what it was, not because the object had changed (it was always styrofoam, and it had still looked pretty), but because her label for the object had changed...one label was precious mineral, the other garbage. She began to think about how our labels for people changed how we saw them, and for the rest of the day she tried to see people without labels. She didn't last long, she began to cry beause the people around her were so beautiful. She writes, "This was enough to make me wonder if many of the things I reviled as ugly might not in fact be beautiful, if I might be robbing myself of beauty with my own cognitive prejudice." Certainly the people in Jackson, Mississippi were. Martha Beck also writes, "If we saw people as they really are, the beauty would overwhelm us. (pages 307-308)"
At the end of The Help, Stockett tells a little about her maid growing up and what led her to writing the book. She says that there is one line that she prizes in the book, and I think she puts what I am trying to say so succinctly, that I'd like to share it as well:
"Wasn't that the point of the book? For women to realize, We are just two people. Not that much separates us. Not nearly as much as I'd thought."
Anyway, I certainly don't have all the answers. And I know I'm guilty of labeling too. But I guess we have to be careful to examine the labels and things we believe. We hear at church to love our neighbors, to not use terms like "non-member" because it separates, to forgive, to love the sinner but not the sin. And I do believe that many, most, of us are trying. But I know there are times that I can do better. Interestingly, in The Help, when Skeeter's books is published, several of the women in town read the book and don't recognize themselves in the book. They don't see themselves as being haughty and cruel to their help. Others do recognize themselves. For good or ill, I would hope that I would have the self-knowledge to recognize myself and see where I feel short and needed to change. I would hope that I would have been like Skeeter and overcome my own prejudices and labels, so that I could do what I believed in and not listened to the opinions of others. I hope that I can work harder to do that in my every day life as I interact with parents of my students, neighbors, coworkers and others that often live different lives and come from different backgrounds than I do.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Children's Day Carnival
On Friday, April 30, Jackson's PTA held a Children's Day Carnival. Children's Day is an international holiday to honor children. In Mexico it is celebrated on April 30, and most schools are cancelled and families all honor their children, giving them gifts and doing fun activities.
Because the weather was cold and a little rainy, the carnival was inside the school instead of outside. But it was a lot of fun. Ronald McDonald came and performed some balloon and magic tricks. Then the kids could roam around the school playing the games. They had a golfing, fishing, bean bag toss, a probability spinner, pinatas for each grade level, face painting, hula hoops, balloon popping and other games. I wandered around with the kids and Alfredo for the first hour, then I manned the bean bag toss for the second hour while Alfredo watched the kids. They had a lot of fun.
I love Michelle's school. It is not in a great part of town, but they have done so many things to turn it into a wonderful school. The community is very welcome and it really has a family feel. Many of the teachers bring their own children to the school, which I think both motivates all teachers to do their best and also provides reassurance that those teachers feel like it is a great school. And because of the association with the University of Utah and the Adelante bilingual partnership with the U, there are many graduate level students as well as a few U professors who bring their children to the school. The dual immersion program, their partnership with the U, their citizenship plan, the dedicated teachers, and the sense of community/family all make me feel so happy that we chose to send our kids there. And, of course, most importantly, Michelle loves it there and is having wonderful opportunities and learning a great deal.
Because the weather was cold and a little rainy, the carnival was inside the school instead of outside. But it was a lot of fun. Ronald McDonald came and performed some balloon and magic tricks. Then the kids could roam around the school playing the games. They had a golfing, fishing, bean bag toss, a probability spinner, pinatas for each grade level, face painting, hula hoops, balloon popping and other games. I wandered around with the kids and Alfredo for the first hour, then I manned the bean bag toss for the second hour while Alfredo watched the kids. They had a lot of fun.
I love Michelle's school. It is not in a great part of town, but they have done so many things to turn it into a wonderful school. The community is very welcome and it really has a family feel. Many of the teachers bring their own children to the school, which I think both motivates all teachers to do their best and also provides reassurance that those teachers feel like it is a great school. And because of the association with the University of Utah and the Adelante bilingual partnership with the U, there are many graduate level students as well as a few U professors who bring their children to the school. The dual immersion program, their partnership with the U, their citizenship plan, the dedicated teachers, and the sense of community/family all make me feel so happy that we chose to send our kids there. And, of course, most importantly, Michelle loves it there and is having wonderful opportunities and learning a great deal.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Birthday news...20 Q
Ella celebrated her 5th birthday. We took the family out to dinner...her choice. So we headed to "Twinkle, twinkle, little star" (or commonly known as Carl's Jr. by most people...my kids have called it twinkle little star for a couple of years since it has a star on its logo. The name has stuck). They had fun playing in the play area and eating their kids meals. Then we headed back to our house for cupcakes and ice cream. Pretty low key, although we are having a big birthday bash for both girls.
I decided to play 20 Questions with Ella to share some things about her at age 5. My questions, her responses (as close to word for word as I could jot down).
Animal, vegetable or mineral: What's a mineral? a rock I am a rock--like Jesus. He's a rock because he never gets dead.
Cake or ice cream: cake
Tv or Wii: Wii
Favorite Wii game: Just Dance
Best friend?: Max
Ride bike or scooter?scooter
Favorite food: bacon and eggs, pancakes
Favorite book: a Barbie book, dinosaur books
Favorite movie: Land Before Time
What do you like about Michelle?sitting by her
What do you like about Gabrielle? playing Barbies with her, playing mom and dads
What do you like best about preschool? I like about preschool is play with my friends and do homework and do activities.
What don't you like about preschool? I don't like about preschool is doing games because they are hard to do.
What are you afraid of? lions
What makes you happy? hugging Mommy
Are you excited for kindergarten? Why? Yes. I will go to Michelle's school and Mrs. Pereira will be my teacher.
Favorite Primary Song: Once There Was a Snowman
Favorite Scripture Story: Noah's Ark
Favorite Places to go: Jungle Jim's and Hollywood Connection
Who is Mommy's Favorite 5 Year Old Girl? Me! (said with shy smile on face)
Monday, May 3, 2010
Testimonies
Michelle and Ella both bore their testimonies for the first time on Sunday. I was so pleased that they wanted to, and happy that they were both brave enough. I was quite shy as a little girl and remember that my first time bearing my testimony was when I was about nine. I know I had a testimony before then, but I was too scared to stand up and say it. And my girls are both a little shy in front of people. In fact, last September, even though Ella knew her primary program part by heart, she was too scared to say it with or without help. But about a month ago, Ella began asking if she could "say her testimony" in church. She bears her testimony all the time at home, especially when she is praying. So last month, she decided she was too nervous. This month, as soon as the meeting started, Michelle asked if they could bear their testimonies, and of course I said yes. Michelle went up after just a couple of people and Ella and I walked up with her. Michelle bore a short, simple but heartfelt testimony by herself and sat down. Ella was too scared, so I bore my testimony (feeling distracted by my squirmy little Gabrielle trying to free herself from my arms) and we returned to our seats. But later, toward the end of the meeting, Ella asked if she could please go up. So she did. She needed me to help her because she was so scared but she spoke clearly and loudly, and she was so happy that she did it. I'm grateful that my girls' testimonies are growing and that they want to share what they know and believe with others. I'm grateful for a church that has the children attend the worship meeting along with the adults and even allows them to participate in bearing their testimonies. It is so wonderful to see them learning to love the gospel.
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