Birthday Heartache Attitude

 Friday was Michelle's 18th birthday.  18!!!  How is that even possible?  And I think she had a good day.  A friend took her out to lunch.  She visited with a couple of friends.  She got gifts that she really loved.  I had cookies delivered to her as a surprise in the middle of the day.  On Saturday, we went out to dinner as a family.  I think she felt loved.  

But there was also at least a little bit of heartbreak.  At least on my end.  Maybe it didn't bother her as much as it did me, though I suspect it did.  She wanted to celebrate her birthday by having several friends come over.  She wanted her best friend to sleep over but several others to come over and hang out and watch a movie.  A couple of the people she invited said they couldn't make it, but there were supposed to be 5 coming.  One of them did go to lunch with her earlier in the day.  And a couple of them said they would be a bit late.  They were supposed to come around 7.  I bought pizzas, chips, and sodas.  And her best friend, Morgan, showed up and they began talking and laughing and having a good time.  Around 9, another friend came and dropped off a gift and said she couldn't stay but happy birthday.  And she literally only stayed like 1-2 minutes.  Two other friends texted to say they weren't going to make it after all.  And maybe they all had legitimate reasons, I don't know. And Michelle, Ella, Gabby and Morgan seemed to have a good time.  Michelle seemed to stay happy.  But I felt crushed inside...and honestly, pretty angry.  I don't understand not showing up to a friend's on an important event.  And it just seems that this year, some of her friends haven't been very good friends at all.  It's been a hard year, and I guess I don't know what each of them is going through.  But I felt so sad.  I think my kids are pretty incredible--imperfect and human and flawed as we all are--but kind and funny and good.  And so I don't understand why it seems like she has struggled in the friendship department.  I hope and pray that she will have truly great friends when she heads to Utah State.  I wish I knew or understood why some people seem to find it so easy to make and keep friends and others struggle.  But I know some people that are genuinely kind and good that struggle.  I'm proud of her for seeming to focus her mind and thoughts on the positive parts of her day. 

Childhood Traditions Remembered

 What were some of the family traditions that you remember?

I don't remember having a lot of traditions when I was a child, but here are a few I do remember:

*Going to church each week.  This was important to my mom, and even in the years when my dad wasn't very active, she always got us ready and took us to church.  Now that I've had similar experiences, I appreciate this even more than I did before.  It's hard to go to church by yourself with 3 young children, though for most of my childhood we lived in the same ward as my grandparents. So we sat with them and I can remember often crawling on my paternal grandpa's lap, turning toward him and falling asleep with my face against his scruffy cheek during sacrament meeting.  So I guess my mom wasn't completely on her own with 3 young kids.  Nevertheless, it still required much effort and sacrifice on her part and probably plenty of heartache, so I am forever grateful that this is a tradition that she established and maintained.

*At Christmastime we would go to Sajuaro Ranch Park and have a big family party.  It would be potluck. Grandma Marj always made her delicious potato salad.  (I wish I had the recipe!  Store bought potato salad isn't very good, but I loved her potato salad when I was a kid.)   My aunts and uncles and cousins would be there, and we would play. (Though as I got older, I liked that less because there weren't cousins my age.  Amy and Laura were several years older and then there were cousins that were four years younger and even younger than that.)  My favorite part was always the White Elephant Gift Exchange and the good natured arguments that would break out over the silly gifts.  I couldn't wait to be a grown up and be able to be a part of the white elephant gift exchanges.  

*At Christmas, when I was little, my dad would buy a number of gifts and wrap them and put them in pillow cases.  I can't remember if we'd open them on Christmas Eve (it seems like that was the case, but I'm really not sure) or Christmas morning.  But he'd pull gift after gift out of the pillow cases and it always felt a bit like he was Santa reaching into his sack.  We didn't have much money, but he always made Christmas special.  (As an adult, I realize this probably required a lot of sacrifice for my parents to pull off.)

*Every summer (or nearly every summer) my sisters and I would come up to Utah in the summer and spend about a month at my maternal grandparents' house.  They lived in Holladay.  We would ride bikes around the neighborhood.  We would go to the Holladay branch of the library and check out stacks of books.  I remember going to Activity Days in the summertime and YW activities when I was old enough to attend YW.  My aunt Elaine and uncle Brent would usually take us to Lagoon or to Raging Waters.  Brent got married to Diane, and I absolutely loved her.  And they would take us to Diane's parents' home where we would jump on the trampoline with Diane's younger sisters who were close to my age, and drink soda and eat chips.  Before Brent got married, when I was elementary age, he had a motorcycle and would take us on short rides around my grandparents' neighborhood.  My grandparents had wealthy neighbors, including the owner of the Macey's grocery stores and one of the local weathermen.  There would be a fun ward party in the summer.  And I made friends, especially I remember, a boy named Mark Skinner.  Mark and I watched The Last Unicorn probably 50 or more times one summer.  I loved spending the summer at my grandparents.

*My grandma Marj was a good artist and would often draw us paper dolls. Or my mom would buy us paper dolls and then my grandma would spend hours with us, designing and drawing clothing and accessories and we would cut them out.  I don't actually remember spending much time playing with the paper dolls, though I'm sure we did, but I remember spending lots of time making them.  I don't know that that is considered a tradition, but it's one of my fond childhood memories.

*When my mom remarried, my mom and stepdad started a tradition of doing luminaries on Christmas Eve.  We'd place sand in the bottom of paper bags and put a lit candle in each one and line our driveway and sidewalk with them.  This is a tradition I have carried on into my family now.  

Resume Church Gratitude

 Elder Ashton once spoke of less conspicuous gifts in October 1987 conference.  He said:

From the Book of Mormon, particularly 3 Nephi, chapters 11 through 26 [3 Ne. 11–26], when the Savior Jesus Christ showed himself to the people on the American continent, many gifts are referred to as being very real and most useful. Taken at random, let me mention a few gifts that are not always evident or noteworthy but that are very important. Among these may be your gifts—gifts not so evident but nevertheless real and valuable.

Let us review some of these less-conspicuous gifts: the gift of asking; the gift of listening; the gift of hearing and using a still, small voice; the gift of being able to weep; the gift of avoiding contention; the gift of being agreeable; the gift of avoiding vain repetition; the gift of seeking that which is righteous; the gift of not passing judgment; the gift of looking to God for guidance; the gift of being a disciple; the gift of caring for others; the gift of being able to ponder; the gift of offering prayer; the gift of bearing a mighty testimony; and the gift of receiving the Holy Ghost.

We must remember that to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God. It is our right and responsibility to accept our gifts and to share them. God’s gifts and powers are available to all of us.

I have the gift of being able to weep.  It has always been a gift I've had, but it seems like it has become even more prominent lately.   And today, my tears flowed pretty freely.  It was our first week back for 2 hours of church in over a year.  The first Sunday in months that I didn't open a zoom meeting for Sunday School or Relief Society or Young Women's.  (We're still having zoom meetings for our classes for those unable to attend in person, but I didn't have to run it today since it was Sunday School.)  Our beloved President Carlson (our former Bishop and now a member of our stake presidency gave the most beautiful talk about the sacrament.  His wife Julie talked about "sparking joy" and how we can find joy in simple things even during hard times.  It was such a beautiful meeting.  Seriously so wonderful. And our discussion in Sunday School was great too.  But mostly it made me feel so happy to look around and see so many of my beloved ward members there today.  I have missed that.  I have missed them.  Still many of my ward members weren't there.  I hope they will be soon!

But oh how grateful I am for the blessing of being able to gather.  For the opportunity to join with other believers to worship Christ.  For the opportunity to watch young men bless and pass the sacrament--and to have enough young men to bless and pass the sacrament!  

I am so grateful for this gospel.  It means everything to me.  I hope to never have to close churches again.

In related but not the same news, the CDC released new guidelines about mask wearing:

“Anyone who is fully vaccinated can participate in indoor and outdoor activities, large or small, without wearing a mask or physical distancing,” Walensky said. “If you are fully vaccinated, you can start doing the things that you had stopped doing because of the pandemic. We have all longed for this moment, when we can get back to some sense of normalcy.”

Walensky said unvaccinated people should still continue to wear masks, adding they remain at risk of mild or severe illness, death, and risk of spreading the disease to others. People with compromised immune systems should speak with their doctor before giving up their masks, she said.

Those who aren't vaccinated are still supposed to wear masks but I don't know how they will enforce that, and I hope they won't.  Not because I don't think you shouldn't wear a mask if you're unvaccinated but because I don't want anything that will create more division.  And for the meantime, I still plan to wear mine in public most of the time until the pandemic is closer to ending.  Alfredo and I are fully vaccinated, and Michelle and Ella have received their first dose.  And the FDA just approved it for children from age 12 and up, so Gabby will likely receive it soon.  I am grateful that it is nearing an end here in the US, but my heart aches for countries (such as India) that are still suffering mightily from this pandemic.  

Truth is Christ

 This past week, I listened to several podcasts related to Come Follow Me and they talked about truth and light and being edified as we were studying D&C 50.  And one of my favorite insights came from Anthony Sweat.   The dictionary defines truth as:  (1) : the body of real things, events, and facts : actuality. (2) : the state of being the case : fact. (3) often capitalized : a transcendent fundamental or spiritual reality.

We often think of truth as a set of ideas, principles, and laws.  But, he said, that truth is actually a person.  Truth is Christ.  

John 14:6 teaches, "6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the ^away, the ^btruth, and the life: no man ^ccometh unto the Father, but by me."

He doesn't say he teaches THE truth or He shows us what is true.  He says He is the truth.  And thinking about truth as a person, as our beloved Savior, changes us and changes the way we view truth.  It's not just about gaining knowledge (though we certainly should seek to gain knowledge). And it's not about following a set of rules, though there are rules to follow.  It's about developing a relationship with Truth...with Christ.  I love this insight and will be thinking about it for quite some time to come.

Temple Daughters Joy

 On Saturday, we were able to visit the Jordan River Temple to do baptisms.  It was the first time in over a year that we had been able to attend the temple.  It was WONDERFUL, but also it made me so sad to leave, not knowing when we would be back...but knowing that unless temples open more fully, it will be at least August before that happens.  I long to be back in the temple.  

It was nice to be welcomed to the temple and to feel the spirit there.  And we were the only ones in the baptistry, other than temple workers.  So we were escorted to the bathrooms, escorted to the font, and escorted to the confirmation room.  We were warmly welcomed.  Everyone was so kind.  As we were leaving, the temple president was there and thanked us for coming and for being in the temple.  I felt encircled in love and peace and the spirit.  But oh how I wished I could stay longer.  Even if I could have just sat in the baptistry's chapel for a bit.  I just didn't want to leave.  

Mother Taught Faith

 Personal history question for the week: What did your mother teach you about God and about faith? How did she teach you these lessons (FHE, scripture study, by example, etc.)? What miracles occurred in your mother’s life that you witnessed or that she told you about?

My mom faithfully attended church every week with us girls.  Often she attended alone with us as my dad wasn't always very active.  She accepted and served in callings.  I can remember that she had two visiting teachers that were very diligent and came each month to visit.  I don't remember their names or much about them, but I liked sitting next to my mom on the couch as they visited with her and shared a spiritual thought.  My parents didn't really go to social events or go on many dates or spend time with friends, so it felt special that two women visited my mom every month.

My mom taught us to pray.  And when we got older and my parents were divorced and my mom remarried, we began to have scripture study.  We didn't have scripture study or consistent FHE until I was a teenager. I don't remember a lot of formal teaching of the gospel in my home--though I'm sure there was more than I remember.   But I knew my mom loved the Lord and I developed a testimony as a child that strengthened as I grew.  

When I was a Beehive, my mom served as an advisor for the Mia Maids in the Young Women's program and I know the girls loved her and she loved them.  

But mostly my mom taught by example.  She was diligent in living the gospel, though I am certain it was challenging to do that on her own.  She had/has so many Christlike attributes...she is patient and kind and unselfish and loving.  She quietly goes about serving.  As I got older, she began going to the temple often and I think much of my life of the temple comes from her.   She was forgiving and never said unkind things about my dad after their divorce, even though I know he hurt her deeply.  She is quiet...she isn't silly or outgoing or very demonstrative but I have always known she loves me and that she loves the Lord.

As for miracles...I don't know of any big miracles.  But my mom raised three pretty remarkable girls.  She wrote in a letter to me (that I received at youth conference) that the Spirit had told her not to worry and that everything was going to be okay.  She said she didn't know what that meant but she trusted it was true.  And she met Mike and they have been married for more than 25 years now and she is happy and healthy and has a beautiful life.  Things have turned out more than okay and that probably feels pretty miraculous to her compared to how things were when I was 13-15 years old.  The Lord has taken care of her and blessed her.  

My words don't accurately convey all that my mom is or all that she taught me.  She lived what she believed and while she was mostly relatively quiet about her faith, I never doubted her faith.  I know she loves the Lord and I keep striving to become a little more like her.

Christ Done for Me

 What has the Savior done for me?

My thoughts and notes from our Relief Society lesson today:

*He created this world that we live in.  There's so much beauty!  Flowers, rivers, lakes, mountains.  Stars, sun, planets.  Us.

3 Nephi 9:15

* Answers prayers.  He helps us.  He hears us!

*He grants comfort and strength.

*He gives us perspective.

*He died for us and was resurrected.  

President Oaks said, "The Resurrection gives us the perspective and the strength to endure the mortal challenges faced by each of us and those we love. It gives us a new way to view the physical, mental, or emotional deficiencies we have at birth or acquire during mortal life. It gives us the strength to endure sorrows, failures, and frustrations. Because each of us has an assured resurrection, we know that these mortal deficiencies and oppositions are only temporary.

The Resurrection also gives us a powerful incentive to keep the commandments of God during our mortal lives. When we rise from the dead and proceed to our prophesied Final Judgment, we want to have qualified for the choicest blessings promised to resurrected beings."

*Through Him, we can have eternal families!

*His enabling power....We can do more and be more with Him than we ever can be on our own.  He helps us be kinder, stronger, more forgiving, smarter, wiser, etc. than we are on our own. He can help us accomplish more than we can on our own.  I rely on this power nearly every day of my life.

*Sara (our sweet teacher) shared that a member of their stake presidency was driving his daughter and several other youth to the Vernal Temple (2 1/2 hours each way).  The member of the stake presidency fell asleep at the wheel and his daughter was impaled by a road sign...he was trained as emergency room surgeon and cared for her.  She lost her leg, but she survived.  Sara said that she learned so much from this family about the Atonement...the young woman suffered a great deal of pain but she had such a strong testimony and she told me that she prayed all the time to give her strength.  She is doing great and has recovered, but she set such a great example of demonstrating faith.  Her dad felt such guilt and pain for causing this harm to his daughter.  He carried this pain for awhile but it was amazing to watch the change that came as he learned to forgive himself and used the Atonement to find peace.

*He rescues us, despite our selfishness, rebellion, sin, pride, and so on.  He heals those who cause pain and those who experience pain.  He forgives our sins and helps us overcome weakness.

*He gives us peace.  When the world is in commotion, we can still find peace.  We can find peace in the temple, in the scriptures, through prayer, through music, etc.

*He helps us overcome burdens and lightens burdens:

Mosiah 24:

"13 And it ^acame to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.

14 And I will also ease the ^aburdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as ^bwitnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their ^cafflictions.

15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did ^astrengthen them that they could bear up their ^bburdens with ease, and they did submit."

*taught us the plan of salvation, taught us the commandments and covenants, He was the ultimate teacher!

2 Nephi 26:24-28  "He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world."

*enters into covenant with us!

*promises to be by our side, to go on our right hand and left, to be in our forward and rear and to send His angels to be round about us.

*His atonement is for ALL.  (2 Nephi 26:24-28)

*He lived a perfect life.  He is the ultimate exemplar.

*He loves me.  Love is the motivation of all He has done.

"We love what we sacrifice for.  And we sacrifice for what we love."

Promises to Covenant Israel

Oh how I loved studying the promises given to covenant Israel between October 2020 and April 2021.  It blessed my life immensely.  I suddenly saw these promises on nearly every page of scripture.  I also noticed them better in my life...and by that I mean that I noticed them happening more in my day to day life but also I was better able to look back at experiences in the past and see how many of these blessings have been fulfilled.  

I feel closer to the Lord now.  Studying these promises brought me strength and joy and peace and hope.  It reminded me, over and over, that God keeps His promises.  It reminded me that I'm NEVER alone.  That I can repent and be forgiven.  That I can be redeemed and enabled and strengthened and purified.  Our beloved prophet is so inspired and I'm SO grateful that I acted on his invitation to study these promises.  He was right; I was astounded!

I purchased a piece of art made by Eva Timothy with many of the promises on it.  It's hanging next to my rocking chair in my living room and I look at it nearly every day and think about one or more of the promises.

For 40  days, I shared a promise to covenant Israel on social media, one each day for the 40 days leading up to Easter.  That was a wonderful way to start each day, sharing one promise and thinking about how I have seen that blessing in my life.