Stuck New York

 Ella and I went to upstate New York for her 12th birthday trip.  We used buddy passes to fly there.  After our trip, we flew from Buffalo, New York to Boston.  And then we got stuck.   We sat in the airport all day because there was a chance we would make it on a later flight.  It wasn't fun.  Ultimately, we got stuck there until the next day at 7 PM so we got a hotel and got to see a bit of Boston the next day (that was a bright spot for me though Ella just wanted to get home!)  

Today in Young Women's we read 2 Nephi 9:6-16 and as we read in verse 6 and 9 about being cut off  or shut out from the presence of our God, I was reminded of that experience.  We were tired and weary and wanted to go home. But even more so, we were away from our loved ones.  We wanted to be reunited with them.  We were so eager and grateful to return to them.   A veil has been drawn over our memories, but I am certain that if we could remember how sweet our relationship was with our Savior and our Heavenly Parents, we would be even more eager to return to be with them.  I can think of nothing more awful than being shut out from the presence of God eternally and to be eternally separated from all those we hold dear.  I'm so grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ that allows me to repent and that overcomes both death and hell so that I can be joyfully reunited with my Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother and Savior as well as all those on Earth that I have loved and lost for awhile.  

One of my favorite quotes is this quote from President Benson:  “Nothing will surprise us more than when we get to heaven and see the Father and realize how well we know Him and how familiar His face is to us.”

How grateful I am for a plan that allows us to be reunited with Him!!

LESSONS LEARNED:

We don't have to be "cut off" forever from the presence of God.

Death doesn't have to be the end.

We want to be reunited with those we love.

Armor loins chastity

 This past week we read D&C 27 and 28.  Section 27 contains verses describing the armor of God.  I love these verses, and I loved pondering their meaning and discussing them this week.  But this verse 16 really struck me.

"Having your loins girt about with truth"...I have seen several social media posts lately--by active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints-- that have made comments about how virtue is uncomfortable to discuss and too often associated only with chastity.  And while I absolutely agree that there is more to modesty than just wearing appropriate clothing and there is more to virtue than just being chaste, both of these concepts are important and they are both doctrinal and they NEED to be taught.  I don't fully understand why we want to avoid teaching this law.  I'm sure my thoughts are jumbled a bit, but here's what I'm thinking.

*First, this is an important law.  It's a temple recommend question and a covenant we promise to obey.  I remember when one of my girls went for their very first temple recommend interview, they came out after and were a bit upset with me.  They were asked if they obeyed the law of chastity and they didn't know what that meant.  Now to be fair--we had had discussions about intimacy--I just hadn't used that label.  But I had not fully prepared my child for that interview and she was embarrassed that she didn't know what that meant.

*Some will say that this law should be taught in our homes.  And I agree.  It should be taught in our homes first and foremost.  But I assert that this is not enough. First, there are families that don't discuss it.  Or discuss it very little.  And that's a problem.  But also--especially as they become teens--our children need to hear church doctrine taught and testified to by multiple people.  They need to hear from people that this law has value and will bless their lives and they need to hear it from more than just their parents.

*SOOO many of the world's problems would be solved if we ALL lived the law of chastity.  Many divorces would be avoided.  Most abortions would no longer take place.  Teenage pregnancy and pregnancy out of wedlock wouldn't occur.  Many family's financial situations would be better.  Rape, sexual assault, sex trafficking would not exist.  Now I'm not naive and I know that we aren't going to inhabit a world where these things don't exist until after the Savior comes...but this should be the type of world that members of the church want..and it is only possible if we are teaching and living the law of chastity.

*I suspect that people don't want to discuss it because it is uncomfortable, it's an unpopular belief and many have been harmed by others' sexual sins or feel guilt or shame about their own sexual sins. It is not an easy topic to discuss and it has sometimes been taught poorly.  I know that poor teaching has led some to feel that they can never be forgiven or that they no longer have worth.  I know that the world thinks it is a crazy idea to live the law of chastity and that intimacy is normal and natural and we should indulge in our carnal desires.  I know that far too many people have been hurt or experienced devastating sorrow through other people's choices.  This breaks my heart.  But it also makes me feel that it is ABSOLUTELY critical that we teach chastity.  

*President Packer said, “ “We need women with the gift of discernment who can view the trends in the world and detect those that, however popular, are shallow or dangerous.”

 President Nelson said:  “ Today, let me add that we need women who know how to make important things happen by their faith and who are courageous defenders of morality and families in a sin-sick world. We need women who are devoted to shepherding God’s children along the covenant path toward exaltation; women who know how to receive personal revelation, who understand the power and peace of the temple endowment; women who know how to call upon the powers of heaven to protect and strengthen children and families; women who teach fearlessly.”

President Nelson also said, “ Attacks against the Church, its doctrine, and our way of life are going to increase. Because of this, we need women who have a bedrock understanding of the doctrine of Christ and who will use that understanding to teach and help raise a sin-resistant generation. We need women who can detect deception in all of its forms. We need women who know how to access the power that God makes available to covenant keepers and who express their beliefs with confidence and charity. We need women who have the courage and vision of our Mother Eve.” (see A Plea to My Sisters”, October 2015).  These quotes make me certain that I have a role to play in teaching truth and defending morality and chastity and the sanctity of marriage and family!  I am determined to do my part.

*As members of the Church, we should be willing to speak up and speak out in defense of truth!  We should be the examples for the rest of the world.

*I am not an expert on teaching intimacy but here are a few things I do know:

--In D&C 27:16 it says having your loins girt about with truth.  We read:  "“The Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not. Wherefore, it speaketh of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be; wherefore, these things are manifested unto us plainly, for the salvation of our souls” (Jacob 4:13)  So truth is things as they really are and really will be.  So if we want to protect our loins (our chastity), then we need to teach and understand truth.  It's the only way to protect ourselves or to protect our children.  (Our children/posterity could also be another way to think of our loins.)  

--I think any discussion of intimacy and chastity needs to include discussion of the Atonement and repentance.  We need to be clear that repentance is always possible and that healing can come if we rely on the Savior and use the gift of His atonement.  We need to help our youth and children understand that repentance is a precious gift!!

--We need to place intimacy in the proper frame.  Intimacy is beautiful and it is proper and even sanctioned/commanded by God within the bounds of marriage.  Intimacy allows a husband and wife to become one in a very real way.  We need to be careful that our teaching of the law of chastity does not make youth think that it is dirty or evil or disgusting.

--That being said, we need to help them understand why intimacy should be reserved for marriage.  I think there are a multitude of reasons for this command.  I'm sure I am not addressing all of them and I absolutely think EVERYONE should read Elder Holland's BYU address Of Souls, Symbols and Sacraments because he addresses some of these ideas so much better than I can.  But here are a few reasons that I think intimacy is reserved for marriage:

1.  It provides a level of physical and emotional safety.  Because of the very nature of intimacy, participating in it outside of a committed, loving relationship can lead to emotional and physical danger.  You are almost certain to have your heart broken if you participate in intimacy outside of marriage.  You are in physical danger (disease, pregnancy, etc.)    I recognize that you can still have your heart broken or experience disease or other issues even if you live the law of chastity, but it does provide much protection.

2.  It can strengthen and  add beauty and a level of closeness to a marriage.  It's meant to unite and increase the feelings of love and trust and partnership in a marriage.  When you participate in intimacy, as Elder Holland explains, you are interacting with a person's soul.  That's serious and sacred.

3.  Of all His titles, God asks us to call Him Father.  His most precious role is as our dad.  His most precious ability is to procreate.  I think that should give us an idea of how important procreation is.  If God feels that giving life is THAT important then we should recognize that it is pretty important.  God is literally sharing a portion of His power with us.  We should recognize the sacredness of what we are doing and treat it as such.

4.  The adversary doesn't have a body.  He will never have a body.  And so he often tries to attack us through our body.  He tries to get us to misuse and abuse our body.  It's his greatest trick.

5.  God has promised that we can live eternally as families.  As husband and wife.  That exaltation is centered on families.  And He has stated that every one of His spirit children deserves the right to be born into a family with a loving mother and father.  I know that's not a popular stance these days, but it is what gives a child the best chance for success.  I don't pretend to understand all of the Celestial laws, but in my limited understanding I recognize there is more to the sealing power than we fully recognize and that we should take it a bit more seriously than we do.  There's much I don't understand about this mortal life and the experiences that many have and so I know that this last part is complicated and hard for so many. 

Claire Women Scriptures

 I visited my friend Julie today.  It was her birthday on Tuesday, so I stopped by to drop off a gift and ended up having a really nice visit with her.  We talked about school and our families and the pandemic and life.  At one point she was telling me that her daughter Claire is in a hard class this year and that she is so looking forward to Claire going to junior high and meeting new people.  She said there's a group of boys that are always telling the girls that they are worthless and that Claire had been beginning to internalize their words.  And that Claire was just struggling a little bit.  And she then told me that the "women in the scriptures week" that we did back in January was just exactly what Claire needed.  That each day Claire would read about these women and ask Julie if she knew about the great things these women did and that it really gave her a needed boost.  She also said that being called to serve as class president was also such a blessing for Claire.  

This made my heart so happy.  Back in November, the idea to do women in the scriptures week came and I knew immediately that it wasn't my idea.  That it was the Spirit and it was something we needed to do.  And I loved it.  And I could tell that at least a couple of the girls did.  But I also think that several of the young women probably didn't even look at it.  And sometimes in the past year I have felt discouraged by how little participation we have and by how it feels like we have lost some of our precious young women.  I keep reaching out...over and over...but some of them rarely respond.  And I will keep reaching out because I love them and the spirit keeps telling me to just make sure they know that they are loved and that that love is not dependent on ANYTHING they do.  So I will.  So I felt so happy to know that it made a difference for Claire.  I felt so happy to be reassured that it really had come from the spirit and that it really had been a blessing in at least one young woman's life.  And if it made a difference for one, then it was worth doing.  I'm glad Julie shared that.  And I'm so grateful for the Spirit.  And I'm grateful for valiant women, past and present!

Mike Alfredo Amazon

 My mom, Mike, and Suzy came for dinner two weeks ago.  Alfredo had cut himself just before they arrived and couldn't find a normal bandaid so he'd used a large bandage (he didn't ask me...when I realized I grabbed him a bandaid.)  A few days later, Mike told me there was a gag gift arriving from Amazon for Alfredo.  It arrived and inside was...a box of bandaids and a styptic pencil to stop bleeding.  We all laughed as it was pretty funny.  But I also found myself thinking about this.  I know it was meant as a joke but I also feel like it is so indicative of my parents' character that they would see a need and try to fulfill that need.  That is just the type of people that they are.  I'm so grateful and want to be more like them.

LESSON LEARNED:
See a need, fill a need.

Have a sense of humor.

Confirmation Rude Correction

 Alfredo recently reminded me of an experience we had while we were in the singles ward.  A young man named Immanuel took the missionary discussions and attended the singles ward.  He decided to be baptized.  As it was a convert baptism, he was baptized on Saturday and then confirmed during sacrament meeting on Sunday.   Immanuel's native language was Spanish and he'd been taught by the missionaries in Spanish.  So when they confirmed him, the confirmation was in Spanish.  When the confirmation was completed, a member of the stake high council assigned to our ward stood up and said that as those presiding couldn't understand the confirmation it would need to be performed again in English...he said something along the lines of  "for all I know you just sent this young man to hell" so do it over so we know it was done properly.  It was such a shocking and sad thing...what should have been such a beautiful experience was tainted a bit by the way it was handled.  The missionaries repeated the confirmation and it didn't seem to shake Immanuel's testimony, thankfully.

Here's what I learned from that experience:

1.  In the words of Elder Holland:  "Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we. And when you see imperfection, remember that the limitation is not in the divinity of the work. As one gifted writer has suggested, when the infinite fulness is poured forth, it is not the oil’s fault if there is some loss because finite vessels can’t quite contain it all.¹⁰ Those finite vessels include you and me, so be patient and kind and forgiving."

2.  Our words matter.  This leader could have calmly and lovingly explained that the ordinance needed to be performed in English so that they could be certain it was performed correctly and then gently asked them to repeat it.  He could have complimented the beauty of the language and how happy we were to have Immanuel join the church and then explained the need to repeat the ordinance.  It wasn't the need for repetition that was shocking or hurtful but the anger that seemed to come through the words.  

3.  I guess this goes back to number one somewhat, but it's important to forgive.  It is very likely that this leader remembers that day with sorrow.  There's a good chance that he recognized his mistake and wishes with all his heart he could do it over.  It's possible that he had something going on in his life that we knew nothing about that led to the way he handled this situation.  It's really unfortunate that the situation was handled so poorly, but it was one decision/one moment out of millions in that man's life.  And I saw him love and serve diligently for the three years I was in that ward, so I don't think that was typical of him.  While I haven't forgotten the experience, and I still consider it an unfortunate one, I hold no ill will toward this kind man who made a mistake.

Ryan First Concert

 When I was a sophomore in college, my roommate Mel had an older brother named Ryan.  I thought he was so cute.  And he was in a band.  And he was so nice.  I had a crush on him.  One day, Ryan was over and he invited Mel and Cyndie (Mel's best friend--they'd gone to high school together and both were my roommates) to go see an Oingo Boingo concert.  I had never even heard of Oingo Boingo.  But Mel and Cyndie were excited to go and Ryan was going and so I invited myself along.  I hoped it would give me a chance to talk to Ryan and get to know him better.  But Ryan was pretty shy--and definitely not interested in me.  I ended up sitting next to one of Ryan's friends and band members, Karl.  It turned out that I knew two Oingo Boingo songs (only two--but at least a couple of songs were familiar) and it also turned out that Karl was funny and pretty easy to talk to.  Even though things didn't go as I planned at the concert, it still ended up being a fun night.  And it wasn't long before Karl and I started dating and dated off and on for the next two years.  

LESSONS LEARNED:

When things don't go as expected, you can get angry or you can mope or you can decide to have fun anyway.

Sometimes doing something out of your comfort zone ends up being really a positive experience.  

I didn't marry Karl, but I learned a great deal about myself and about relationships from dating him.  I'm glad that I met him and had the experience of dating him because it helped me learn and grow in many ways.

Mrs. Tipton wrong welcome

 In the summer before I started first grade, I received a postcard from Mrs. Tipton.  She was one of the first grade teachers at my school.  The postcard welcomed me to her class.  I was so excited for school to start and to be in her class.

On the first day, I was dropped off at school.  I went and lined up with Mrs. Tipton's class.  When school started, I went inside her class.  But almost immediately she checked roll and I wasn't on her list.  She told me I was in the wrong place.  I told her that I got a postcard.  She told me that I wasn't on her list.  She told me to go to the office to find out which class I was in.  I was a very, very shy child.  Walking to the office was terrifying--I wasn't really sure where the office was (though it was right by the first grade classrooms).  Finding out that I wasn't in Mrs. Tipton's class felt heartbreaking.  And having to then walk to my real first grade classroom by myself, LATE!, on the first day of school felt so scary and sad.

I found out I was in Mrs. Grigg's class and I loved her and it was a good year.  And as an adult now, and a teacher, I recognize that the first day of class is a hectic one.  I don't think Mrs. Tipton was mean and it was a simple mistake.  And yet, I still remember the fear and the sting from that experience.

What did I learn from this?

I try to be very kind to students at school.  I try to be helpful and look out for students, including those who aren't in my class.  

We all make mistakes and are in need of forgiveness.

At the time, it felt really frightening to have to walk to the office and then find my classroom on my own.  But Mrs. Tipton's class, Mrs. Grigg's class and the office were all very close together.  I was never in any actual danger.  There were people that would have helped me if I needed it.  Sometimes when we feel fear, it is unfounded and we are often capable of doing more than we think or realize!  (This is a lesson I think I have to keep learning and relearning.)

Even though it didn't quite work out the way I expected or hoped, it made an impression that my teacher sent a postcard.  For years--most of my career, I have sent a postcard to students the week before school starts to introduce myself and welcome them back to school.

Michelle disappointment to help

 On Saturday, Michelle came home from work feeling a bit disappointed.  A friend had cancelled plans.  It was a Saturday evening and (again) she was just going to be at home.  It's been a weird year and there have been too many cancelled events and cancelled plans.  Michelle took Ella to her friend Liv's house and decided to go to Target to get a couple of things she needed.  

While at Target, her friend called and asked if Michelle could come over.  Her cute friend was going on her first date that night and she was nervous and wanted Michelle to come give her a "pep talk".  So Michelle headed over.  Not long after Michelle got there, her friend's date called and cancelled.  Her friend was pretty disappointed, so Michelle stayed and they talked and then they headed to the store to do a little shopping together and ended up having a fun time together.  I'm sure her friend was still disappointed that the date was cancelled.  I'm sure not all of the hurt and sad feelings were gone.  But I am so glad that Michelle was available to cheer her friend and be there for her.  And I'm glad that a night that started off so sad for Michelle was able to be turned around.  I have seen over and over that the best thing to do when I am sad or disappointed or lonely is to find someone else to help or to cheer up.  It's hard when you are feeling lonely to reach out to someone else...but it really is such a blessing to do so.

Sheep Goats Temple

 Matthew 25:31-33  shares the parable of the sheep and goats:

When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory:

32 And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats:

33 And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left.

One day a couple of years ago, after work, I went to the Salt Lake Temple.  I work just a few minutes away, so I would try to go after work at least once or twice a month in 2018 and 2019.   One day I parked at the conference center and was crossing the street.  A woman crossed the street with me and began talking to me.  She was so happy I was going to the temple and had an obvious love for the temple.  As we talked for a few minutes, she referred to the parable of the sheep and goats and told me that most of her family were goats. That despite being taught the gospel, most had rejected it and didn't want to visit her or have anything to do with the church.   I listened and gave the woman a hug as I entered the temple.  She said she hoped some day we would meet in heaven again.  It was only a five minute conversation.  But I have thought about it often.  

 

I have such conflicting feelings about it.  Here are some of my thoughts/lessons learned:

First and foremost, I'm so glad that it is not up to ME to determine who are sheep and goats but only to try my best to love all people.  I know the Savior can judge much better than me.  (Though I am guilty of making judgments at times.)  

Second, I feel grateful that for whatever reason that sweet woman felt like she could talk to me.  I was a stranger, but she must have needed a listening ear and I am glad I could provide that listening ear.

Third, I want to be very careful about how I think and speak about my children or loved ones.  It does seem that many of my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) have turned away and I guess could be categorized as goats.  But I believe in the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and that people can change.  I feel a deep sadness that so many turn from the gospel I love.  But who knows whether they will return.  I don't want to make a final declaration that they are goats...goats may not change, but people do all the time.  And sometimes our words and attitudes about others help shape what they become.  I want to be careful to assume that my children and loved ones will become like Christ.  Their path to that destination may not always be as straight as I would hope but I have hope that Christ will keep reaching out to them and guiding them toward Him.  If there is truth in the idea of self-fulfilling prophecies, then I want to see myself, my children, my young women and all others as capable of and destined to become like God.

Text Natalie Post

 I had thought earlier that I should text my friend Natalie and see how she is doing.  But it was a busy day and I likely wouldn’t have responded.  But I read an IG post about grief and thought “Text her now.”  So I did.  She replied almost immediately and said:

“ You know the cool thingabout the holy ghost... is that he can go directly to you and you respond.  ;) I’m just listening to a come follow me podcast, being rather sad today.. thinking about being lonely and holding the book you sent me... and there you are.  I hope you are well today too!“

I didn’t know she was having a sad day but God did.  And the Holy Ghost not only gave me the thought to text her but inspired someone else to write a post that would be just the nudge I needed to reach out.  I wish I was so much better at responding to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.  I am not as good as I want to be.  But I am grateful that I am learning to listen better and that the Holy Ghost is a patient teacher.  How I want the Lord and the Holy Ghost to know that Jenny Panameno is someone who will respond, someone who will hear and hearken to the whispering of the Spirit.

Lesson learned:

When the thought comes to reach out to someone, do it!

Even when I don’t know others’ struggles, God does!

One Truth Selah

 Today was the first day of a new Multiply Goodness Study.  I'd decided not to participate because I have several things I'm trying to study right now and I just didn't feel like I had time to participate.  But I'd had this prompting in January to study the Psalms.  And I hadn't started that because--again--I was involved in several other studies.  So when I heard that the next Multiply Goodness study was focusing on the Psalms, I knew I should do it.  The study guide is called "Selah", a word found often in the Psalms.  This word is understood to mean "Pause and reflect"  but also "lift up and exalt."

Today's section was Psalm 117 and the devotional focused on one truth we would like those we love to know about God.  If we could only teach them one thing, what would it be?

I loved this comment shared under the devotional.  It was shared by a woman named Vickie.  She wrote that the past year has been difficult for her husband.  He had had major pain in his right shoulder when the pandemic hit last March.  One night the pain was so bad, he became suicidal.  Vickie asked her husband if he would like a blessing.  He said no and said it wouldn't help anyway.  She said the right words to say just came to her.  She sat down beside him and said, "Let me tell you about MY God."  Then she spent an hour sharing personal experiences with of the times HER God showed up when she reached out to Him.  And that that particular evening was no different.  As she talked, the Spirit came and her husband became calm.  It was a turning point for her husband.  He still had to wait four months for surgery and has had a long recovery, but he is progressing.  And, she writes, "through it all, my God was there."

LESSONS LEARNED:  Sometimes in times of trouble, telling of or remembering the times our God has been with us will help.

Listen to the Spirit and the Spirit can often guide you to know what to say or do when someone is in trouble or in need of help or comfort.

We worship a God of miracles, a God who loves, a God who is always there!

Emily Orton Heart

I bought tickets for my mom and I to attend TOFW this year...but thanks to Covid it was transferred to a virtual event.  You got access to the videos to watch at home at your convenience (as well as some other items.)  I've been watching them and was really touched by Emily Orton's message (among others).  Her message was all about "How's your heart?"  She compared our hearts to play dough...they can be soft and pliable and easy to mold into whatever the Lord needs it to be or hardened and unable to be molded. 

She told a couple of stories about keeping  our hearts soft.  I was really touched by these three stories:

A friend of hers named Ally got married and soon her husband began to be sarcastic and demeaning.  Time passed and things became worse and worse.  He was dismissive, demeaning and abusive.  She didn't like how he treated her, but she also didn't like who she was becoming.  She left and brought her 3 kids with her.  She turned to Christ and He showed her what was possible--who she could become.  So she got divorced and despite the pain and difficulties, she is whole and strong.  (I'm sure there is a lot more to this story, but I still love it.)

Her friend Erin had 2 miscarriages and was heartbroken.  She was pregnant and worried but hopeful.  She went in for an appointment and her regular OB/GYN wasn't there.  The woman who saw her looked and announced there was no heartbeat and she would need to come back for a procedure to take care of the miscarriage.  She returned for the procedure and in both encounters felt like the woman was lacking compassion.  She felt deeply hurt and she was mourning.  She never wanted to see this woman again.  That morning of the follow up appointment, she poured out her heart to God.  And God told her to write a letter of gratitude for this doctor's expertise and help.  She didn't want to but as she began to write, her heart healed and she actually felt gratitude.  She took the note and set it on the doctor's desk and the whole appointment went better and she felt healed.

Her friend Gabby was a department head.  She was in conflict with another department head.  She went to her boss for advice.  Her boss said she needed to be direct...go straight to this other dept. head and confront her...be touch and fight for herself.  Her boss said she would never get ahead in life--she was too nice.  But Gabby was a survivor of abuse and had decided who she wanted to be.  She knew that real strength comes from being true to your values.  She said to her boss that he might see it as weakness but she knew it takes courage to be kind.  She said, "I will give kindness for contention, forgiveness for foul and I'm strong enough to pass through pain without passing it on."

Emily Orton said the lessons we can/should learn are:
1.  Your heart matters.  Take time.

2.  You choose your heart.  Take ownership.

3.  A soft heart takes courage.  Take care.

*I can choose how to respond to situations.  

*I can forgive even when it is soul-stretching to do so.

*If I pray to want to want to do something then God can change the desires of my heart.

*Gratitude melts feelings of hurt and anger.