Lately...well I guess over the past 3 or 4 years, but there has been a resurgence again lately, I see members of the church posting quotes or articles about modesty and how modesty has little or nothing to do with how a person dresses. Lots of people are upset that modesty has ever been connected to chastity or that girls have ever been told that the way they dress influences others.
I want to be cautious about how I share my thoughts, but I feel like the Spirit has been whispering to me that much of what I'm seeing is only a portion of the truth OR that some of it, while sounding good, is false. I think much of what many of us believe about modesty today is primarily the philosophies of men with a little truth behind it.
I want to be clear that I absolutely reject any notion that if a girl dresses immodestly and then she is attacked or raped that it is her fault. I absolutely do not believe that. However, I have concerns about the narratives that we are feeding our youth today.
First, the way we dress influences the way we feel and often the way we behave. Clothing has both symbolic and literal power on the way we walk through the world. If I put on exercise clothes, I'm more likely to exercise. If I put on a fancy dress, it does influence the way I feel compared to throwing on sweats or a swimsuit. I think if we deny this, we are fooling ourselves. Clothing also has many symbolic meanings. A sweatshirt might convey warmth or safety or even hiding ourselves from others. Obviously, many religions include clothing as part of their worship of God and these items of clothing have symbolic significance that goes beyond just their appearance. That is true for us as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. That is true for Jews, Muslims, Catholics, Sikhs, and members of many other faiths as well as for people in non-religious groups as well. (For example, there is great symbolism in putting on a sports team's jersey. Or symbolism in donning scrubs and surgical mask. And countless other examples.) There is a correlation between our behavior, our thoughts, our feelings and the way we dress.
Second, our choices DO impact others. Again, I want to be clear that someone's mode of dress does NOT give someone else the right to attack, mistreat, demean, or abuse another person. However, we readily admit that, for example, bullying has an impact on the victim. Unkind words affect the way a person thinks about himself or herself and can alter mood and behavior. We recognize that if someone gossips, even if the gossip is untrue, it can have damaging effects on others. Why should our dress be different? While we don't want it to be true, people do make assumptions about us based on our dress. If I see a person downtown in baggy, dirty clothes and unkempt hair, I am more likely to assume that they are homeless than if I see someone downtown in a business suit. That's probably not entirely fair, but it's also not unreasonable...and it is what happens unconsciously to all of us. While I ultimately have responsibility for MY actions, the things you say, do, and wear DO impact me in small or big ways. If our actions didn't impact others, then it wouldn't matter as much if we lied, stole, cheated, used drugs, drove dangerously, and so on. It would still impact our own lives, but the results would be far less far spread and far less devastating overall.
I read recently (in Atomic Habits by James Clear) that "The human body has about eleven million sensory receptors. Approximately ten million of those are dedicated to sight. Some experts estimate that half of the brain's resources are used on vision. Given that we are more dependent on vision than any other sense, it should come as no surprise that visual cues are the greatest catalyst of our behavior." (page 84) If that much of our sensory receptors and brain function are connected to vision, then clearly what we see is going to have a powerful impact on our behavior. I think the prevalence and success of pornography should be one piece of evidence of that. Pornography is addictive, and it is an ever growing cause of concern. I find it hypocritical that many of the same people that are adamantly opposed to pornography also think it doesn't matter whether you dress modestly or not. I remember reading a post from a respected member of the church who had struggled with a pornography addiction. He talked about how vigilant he had to be to keep from returning to this habit, and he mentioned briefly that while he knows he is responsible for his choices and his patterns of thought and behavior, that when people dress immodestly, it is harder for him to not have those things that he has viewed in the past resurface. As pornography increases in abundance and availability and as addiction levels rise, I fear that those who choose to dress immodestly are inadvertently making things more difficult for those who are trying hard to overcome this problem.
The reality is that lingerie and similar clothing are designed to create attraction (in many cases lust) and to move the mind to think about sexual behavior. If it didn't work, then the lingerie industry would be bankrupt.
Our minds are powerful, and each of us has a responsibility to learn to bridle our passions, to let virtue garnish our thoughts unceasingly, to make our thoughts and actions consistent with our beliefs. Other people's choices aren't an excuse for us to sin. I can't overstate that. We have agency, and we must make choices and take responsibility for our actions. Rape, abuse, promiscuity, adultery, and related acts are always wrong. Much of the heartache and problems that exist in our world are a result of the misuse of the beautiful procreative powers our Father has shared with us. However, my choices regarding language, dress, media usage, and many other topics influence the choices I will make and also have an impact on others around me. I want to live so that I am "an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). I believe the way I dress is one small part of that. I should act and dress differently than the world. I should hold myself to a higher standard. In the Unshaken podcast, Jared Halverson often talks about exclusivity with the purpose of inclusivity. He says that we must live a higher law, be a better group of people, keep our covenants because that is the only way we have something to offer to others. But the whole purpose of our being a covenant keeping people is so that we then will reach out to others and invite them to make and keep covenants as well. God chose Abraham and his descendants to make covenants and follow Him, but the purpose was always so that "In thee and in thy seed shall all the families of the Earth be blessed" (Genesis 27:14 and many other places). The goal is for everyone to come unto Christ and be perfected in Him. That's our role as members of the Church, and while the world WILL teach worldly principles, we must remember who we are and act accordingly. Now all of us, of course, will make mistakes. All of us will sin, and none of us will be perfect examples...only Christ was able to do that. So of course, we need and cherish the gift of repentance. And we need to forgive others. But I fear that many of the worldly influences of today try to convince us that we don't even need to repent because we have done nothing wrong. And that puts us in a place of danger and vulnerability. I worry for those who fall into these traps. I worry that I am falling into these traps in ways that I am unaware of...and I hope that when I am, someone wiser and with greater vision will help me to see it.
Other thoughts on modesty:
*There are blessings that come from obedience.
*We are disciples of Jesus Christ. Hopefully, the way we speak, think, act, dress, and live demonstrate our faith in Him and desire to be like Him.
*If we have developed habits of modesty, it will be easier when we enter the temple. We won't need to make adjustments in our wardrobe or lifestyle.
*Our bodies are a beautiful gift from Heavenly Father. One of our tests in this life is how we will use these gifts. Will we use them in ways that show gratitude and reverence to our Heavenly Parents? Will we use them in ways that demonstrate self-respect and an understanding of the gift that our bodies are?
*Modesty does entail more than just our dress. Modesty is often used as a synonym for humility. Modesty has three definitions: 1. the quality or state of being unassuming or moderate in the estimation of one's abilities. 2. the quality of being relatively moderate, limited, or small in amount, rate, or level. 3. behavior, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency. In this post I have focused on the third definition, but all are important. I believe that all are part of becoming a Christlike person.
*Like with anything else, I recognize that we are all learning and at different points in our growth and development. I understand that this is more difficult for some people than for others. My intent is never to shame or hurt or demean anyone who--for whatever reason--choose differently than me.
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