Last Sunday, I taught the young women of my ward
this lesson on language's affect. I've been thinking about it for weeks and recognize both ways that I use my language for good and also ways that I could improve.
Here's an outline of how I chose to approach the lesson:
How does the language
I use affect me and those around me?
Draw sketches on board …one with halo, one with
tongue like snake…one with tongue and flames coming out of mouth…
What is abstract art?
If abstract artist wanted to represent your personality,
they would draw an unusual figure …for example maybe they’d draw you with head
open showing large brain to show wisdom.
So what do you think these three sketches might represent? (This idea came from
Red Headed Hostess.)
Then we listened to a clip from Elder Holland's incredible talk
The Tongue of Angels…we listened for the first minute and a half and then I paused and talked about the power of language. Then we continued to listen until 5:01. I asked the young women to share what stood out to them and I shared a few things that stood out to me.
I told Jean B. Bingham's story about going canoeing. Then I read this: “How like that glorious wind can be the sincere compliment of a
friend, the cheerful greeting of a parent, the approving nod of a sibling, or
the helpful smile of a co-worker or classmate, all supplying fresh “wind in our
sails” as we battle the challenges of life! President Thomas S. Monson put
it this way: “We can’t direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. For
maximum happiness, peace, and contentment, may we choose a positive
attitude.”7
Words have surprising power, both to build up and to tear down.
We can all probably remember negative words that brought us low and other words
spoken with love that made our spirits soar. Choosing to say only that which is
positive about—and to—others lifts and strengthens those around us and helps
others follow in the Savior’s way.”
I showed the Young Women a framed picture of the Savior surrounded by loving words written by the women of the Relief Society. It was a gift given to me by Susan Vincent when I was released as Relief Society President and she was called. I explained that it hangs in my room and that often when I feel overwhelmed or discouraged or I'm being hard on myself, I will read those words and look at the picture of the Savior and it will buoy my spirits. Our words have power to help and lift others!
Then I broke the girls into 4 groups. I'd put sticky notes under their chairs to determine which group they would be in: complaining, profanity, gossip or criticizing/demeaning. Each group had materials to read including scriptures, quotes and a story or two. They were to read the materials, and then create a way to present what they learned to the rest of the group. I brought poster board and markers so they could make posters or they could create a skit or whatever they wanted to do. I asked them to especially focus on how this negative use of language could be turned into a positive. I gave them about 10 minutes to read/discuss/create and then let them share. Here's what I gave each group:
Profanity/vulgar language
D&C 63:61-63: 61 Wherefore, let all men beware how they take
my name in their lips—
62 For behold,
verily I say, that many there be who are under this condemnation, who use the
name of the Lord, and use it in vain, having not authority.
63 Wherefore, let
the church repent of their sins, and I, the Lord, will own them;
otherwise they shall be cut off.
Exodus 20: 7 Thou
shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not
hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
Profanity,” True to the Faith (2004),
128–29
“Profanity is
disrespect or contempt for sacred things. It includes casual or irreverent use
of the name of any member of the Godhead. It also includes any type of unclean
or vulgar speech or behavior.
Always use the names
of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ,
and the Holy Ghost with reverence and respect. Misusing their names is a sin.
Profane, vulgar, or crude language or gestures, as well as immoral jokes, are
offensive to the Lord and to others.
Foul language harms
your spirit and degrades you. Do not let others influence you to use foul language.
Instead, use clean language that uplifts and edifies others. Choose friends who
use good language. Set an example that will encourage those around you to use
clean language. If friends and acquaintances use profanity, good-naturedly
encourage them to choose other words. If they persist, politely walk away or
change the subject.
If you have developed
the habit of swearing, you can break it. Begin by making a decision to change.
Pray for help. If you are tempted to use profane language, keep quiet or say
what you have to say in a different way.”
For the Strength of Youth says, “How you
communicate should reflect who you are as a son or daughter of God. Clean and
intelligent language is evidence of a bright and wholesome mind. Good language
that uplifts, encourages, and compliments others invites the Spirit to be with
you. Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith, hope, and
charity. Choose friends who use good
language. Help others improve their language by your example. Be willing to politely
walk away or change the subject when those around you use inappropriate
language.”
George Washington wrote to his soldiers when he heard that some were
using profanity: ““The General is sorry to be informed that the
foolish and wicked practice of profane cursing and swearing, a vice heretofore
little known in our American army, is growing into fashion. He hopes the
officers will, by example as well as influence, endeavor to check it and that
both they and the men will reflect that we can have little hope of the blessing
of heaven on our arms if we insult it by our impropriety and folly. Added to
this, it is a vice so mean and low, without any temptation, that every man of
sense and character detests and despises it.”
Gossiping
D&C 42: 27 Thou shalt
not speak evil of thy neighbor, nor do him any harm.
1 Timothy 5:13 And withal they
learn to be idle, wandering about from house to
house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking
things which they ought not.
Matthew 12: 35-37 35 A good man out of
the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an
evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.
36 But I say unto
you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall
give account thereof in the day of judgment.
37 For by
thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be
condemned.
Article:
Choosing Not to Gossip, Liahona August 2013 by BRETT SCHACHTERLE: During my sophomore year in high school, I
volunteered as part of the technical crew to produce my high school’s annual
musical. The experience became one of my favorite memories of the year, because
it was fun and I learned so much doing it. I also loved working with the people
I met.
But the most important thing I learned was not
something I had expected.
In order for the tech crew to communicate
quietly with each other, we used radio headsets. We also used them to tell
jokes, have conversations, even to sing to each other to entertain ourselves
during the long rehearsals.
But the first time we used the headsets wasn’t
actually so comfortable for me. At first I was having a blast. Then some people
started gossiping about the actors rehearsing onstage. I tried to ignore the
snide comments and rude remarks, but as the conversation developed, the gossip
grew crueler and more offensive.
I felt sick hearing some of the comments, but
I was afraid to stand up against my new friends. I wish I had, because as I
tolerated their jokes, I was eventually tempted to laugh and make my own
comments. I began to rationalize why it would have been fine. Nobody but the
tech crew would have heard me, and I wanted to fit in with the people around
me.
As hard as it was, I knew that backbiting
about those onstage wasn’t right, and I chose not to gossip.
After the rehearsal we learned that everything
we had said over the headsets had been broadcast backstage. All 60 or so of the
cast members had heard us talking. Some were angry, upset, or embarrassed. No
one was impressed.
Later, while I was talking with one of my
friends about what had happened, she said, “Everyone knows you’d never say
anything like that.” Her comment shocked me, and I realized the significance of
the choice I had made. If I had chosen to join in with the gossip, what would
that have said about me? What would that have said about the Church?
I’m grateful for the choice I made in that
dark, little theater, even when I thought others wouldn’t know, because it has
opened blessings of friendship, peace, and confidence that I would have lost
had I chosen to gossip.
From an article in the Ensign called The Frigid Wind of
Gossip: “By not
gossiping, we create a warm shelter where those who know us realize they can
come and freely discuss any problems they are having without fear that things
will be inappropriately discussed or repeated. They can feel comfortable being
themselves without fear that their mistakes or personal affairs might become
the sport of idle tongues and itching ears. Both parties benefit and bask in
this warm shelter.”
Complaining/murmuring:
Elder Orson F. Whitney
once said: “The spirit of the gospel is optimistic; it trusts in God and looks
on the bright side of things. The opposite or pessimistic spirit drags men down
and away from God, looks on the dark side, murmurs, complains, and is slow to
yield obedience.”6 We should honor the Savior’s declaration
to “be of good cheer.”7 (Indeed, it seems to me we may be more
guilty of breaking that commandment than almost any other!) Speak hopefully.
Speak encouragingly, including about yourself. Try not to complain and moan
incessantly. As someone once said, “Even in the golden age of civilization
someone undoubtedly grumbled that everything looked too yellow.”
Elder Maxwell said, “I
have often thought that Nephi’s being bound with cords and beaten by rods must
have been more tolerable to him than listening to Laman and Lemuel’s constant
murmuring.8 Surely he must have said at least once,
“Hit me one more time. I can still hear you.” Yes, life has its problems, and
yes, there are negative things to face, but please accept one of Elder
Holland’s maxims for living—no misfortune is so bad that whining about it won’t
make it worse.”
Elder Larry A. Lawrence said, “I knew a faithful mother who humbled herself and asked, “What is keeping
me from progressing?” In her case, the response from the Spirit came
immediately: “Stop complaining.” This answer surprised her; she had never
thought of herself as a complainer. However, the message from the Holy Ghost
was very clear. In the days that followed, she became conscious of her habit of
complaining. Grateful for the prompting to improve, she determined to count her
blessings instead of her challenges. Within days, she felt the warm approval of
the Spirit.”
Elder Neal A. Maxwell
said, “murmurers have short memories. Israel arrived in Sinai, then journeyed
on to the Holy Land though they were sometimes hungry and thirsty. But the Lord
rescued them, whether by the miraculous appearance by quail or by water struck
from a rock. (See Num.
11:31; Ex.
17:6.) Strange, isn’t it, brothers and sisters, how
those with the shortest memories have the longest lists of demands! However,
with no remembrance of past blessings, there is no perspective about what is
really going on.”
Elder Maxwell said, “Instead
of murmuring, therefore, being of good cheer is what is needed, and being of
good cheer is equally contagious. We have clear obligations to so strengthen
each other by doing things “with cheerful hearts and countenances.” (D&C
59:15; see also D&C
81:5.)
Basic things over which the scriptures say we are to be of good
cheer include the transcending blessing that our sins can be forgiven and that
Jesus has overcome the world! These are marvelous blessings. Additionally, we
are assured that the Lord is in our midst. He will lead us along. He will stand
by us. (See John
16:33; Matt.
9:2; D&C
61:36; D&C
68:6; D&C
78:18.) By knowing that these everlasting things are firmly in place,
can we not, then, better endure irritations, such as a dislocated travel
schedule? Besides, brothers and sisters, how can it rain on the just and the
unjust alike without occasionally raining on our personal parade? (See Matt.
5:45.)”
Criticizing/demeaning/speaking in anger:
For the Strength of Youth says, “Speak kindly and positively
about others. Choose not to insult others or put them down, even in joking.
Avoid gossip of any kind, and avoid speaking in anger. When you are tempted to
say harsh or hurtful things, leave them unsaid.”
Ephesians 4: 29-32 says: 29 Let no
corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is
good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
30 And grieve not
the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealedunto the day of
redemption.
31 Let all
bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evilspeaking, be
put away from you, with all malice:
32 And be
ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one
another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Elder Craig Zwick said, “What does the phrase “no
corrupt communication” mean to you? We all regularly experience highly charged
feelings of anger—our own and others’. We have seen unchecked anger erupt in
public places….Children sometimes speak to beloved parents with tongues as
sharp as blades. Spouses, who have shared some of life’s richest and most
tender experiences, lose vision and patience with each other and raise their
voices. All of us, though covenant children of a loving Heavenly Father, have
regretted jumping headlong from the high seat of self-righteous judgment and
have spoken with abrasive words before we understood a situation from another’s
perspective. We have all had the opportunity to learn how destructive words can
take a situation from hazardous to fatal.”
Elder Zwick said, “The willingness to see through each other’s
eyes will transform “corrupt communication” into “minister[ing] grace.” The
Apostle Paul understood this, and on some level each of us can experience it
too. It may not change or solve the problem, but the more important possibility
may be whether ministering grace could change us. I bear humble witness that we can “minister
grace” through compassionate language when the cultivated gift of the Holy
Ghost pierces our hearts with empathy for the feelings and context of others.
It enables us to transform hazardous situations into holy places.”
President Monson said, “
Unfortunately, there are
those who feel it necessary to criticize and to belittle others. You have, no
doubt, been with such people, as you will be in the future. My dear young
friends, we are not left to wonder what our behavior should be in such situations.
In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior declared, “Judge not.”1 At
a later time He admonished, “Cease to find fault one with another.”2 It
will take real courage when you are surrounded by your peers and feeling the
pressure to participate in such criticisms and judgments to refrain from joining
in. I would venture to say that there are young women around you who, because
of your unkind comments and criticism, are often left out. It seems to be the
pattern, particularly at this time in your lives, to avoid or to be unkind to
those who might be judged different, those who don’t fit the mold of what we or
others think they should be.”
Jean B. Bingham shared: “Recently,
as three-year-old Alyssa watched a movie with her siblings, she remarked with a
puzzled expression, “Mom, that chicken is weird!”
Her mother looked at
the screen and responded with a smile, “Honey, that is a peacock.”
Like that unknowing
three-year-old, we sometimes look at others with an incomplete or inaccurate
understanding. We may focus on the differences and perceived flaws in those
around us whereas our Heavenly Father sees His children, created in His eternal
image, with magnificent and glorious potential.”
President Monson told the following story: “A friend told me of an experience she had
many years ago when she was a teenager. In her ward was a young woman named
Sandra who had suffered an injury at birth, resulting in her being somewhat
mentally handicapped. Sandra longed to be included with the other girls, but
she looked handicapped. She acted handicapped. Her clothing was always ill
fitting. She sometimes made inappropriate comments. Although Sandra attended
their Mutual activities, it was always the responsibility of the teacher to
keep her company and to try to make her feel welcome and valued, since the
girls did not.
Then something happened: a new girl of the same age moved into
the ward. Nancy was a cute, redheaded, self-confident, popular girl who fit in
easily. All the girls wanted to be her friend, but Nancy didn’t limit her
friendships. In fact, she went out of her way to befriend Sandra and to make
certain she always felt included in everything. Nancy seemed to genuinely like Sandra. Of course the other girls took note and began
wondering why theyhadn’t
ever befriended Sandra. It now seemed not only acceptable but desirable.
Eventually they began to realize what Nancy, by her example, was teaching them:
that Sandra was a valuable daughter of our Heavenly Father, that she had a
contribution to make, and that she deserved to be treated with love and
kindness and positive attention.”
The girls shared what they learned.
Then I closed with this:
Jean B. Bingham:
For
now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part;
but then shall I know even as also I am known.”6
When we see our own imperfections more clearly, we are less
inclined to view others “through a glass, darkly.” We want to use the light of
the gospel to see others as the Savior does—with compassion, hope, and charity.
The day will come when we will have a complete understanding of others’ hearts
and will be grateful to have mercy extended to us—just as we extend charitable thoughts
and words to others during this life.
Elder Holland said, “Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and
charity, the three great Christian imperatives so desperately needed in the
world today. With such words, spoken under the influence of the Spirit, tears
can be dried, hearts can be healed, lives can be elevated, hope can return,
confidence can prevail.”
I challenged them to look for ways to use their language to build others up and to bear testimony and to strengthen and bless others.
