Jenny Desire Love

 I am grateful for the words in D&C 137: 9 For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts.

I also love the words of D&C 11:8:  "Verily, verily, I say unto you, even as you desire of me so it shall be done unto you; and, if you desire, you shall be the means of doing much good in this generation."

So often my desires are better than my actual actions.  

I see this often in my relationships with my family (and others as well).  I want to be patient and kind and loving.  I want to respond with love when my children make mistakes or when they say or do hurtful things.  I want to put my marriage and family first.  But, especially when I am tired or stressed, I often respond in less than ideal ways.    I get pouty or become silent when I'm hurt.  I respond angrily to mistakes or to less than perfect behavior.  I take offense when none was meant.  

In 2017, I was struck by Sister Neill F. Marriott's words:  "It is now, with our mortal limitations, that the Father asks us to love when loving is most difficult, to serve when serving is inconvenient, to forgive when forgiving is soul stretching."

I was struck by this experience she shared:

One memorable night a relative and I disagreed about a political issue. She briskly and thoroughly took my comments apart, proving me wrong within earshot of family members. I felt foolish and uninformed—and I probably was. That night as I knelt to pray, I hurried to explain to Heavenly Father how difficult this relative was! I talked on and on. Perhaps I paused in my complaining and the Holy Ghost had a chance to get my attention, because, to my surprise, I next heard myself say, “You probably want me to love her.” Love her? I prayed on, saying something like, “How can I love her? I don’t think I even like her. My heart is hard; my feelings are hurt. I can’t do it.”

Then, surely with help from the Spirit, I had a new thought as I said, “But You love her, Heavenly Father. Would You give me a portion of Your love for her—so I can love her too?” My hard feelings softened, my heart started to change, and I began to see this person differently. I began to sense her real value that Heavenly Father saw. Isaiah writes, “The Lord bindeth up the breach of his people, and healeth the stroke of their wound.”¹⁰

Over time the gap between us sweetly closed. But even if she had not accepted my changed heart, I had learned that Heavenly Father will help us love even those we may think are unlovable, if we plead for His aid. The Savior’s Atonement is a conduit for the constant flow of charity from our Father in Heaven. We must choose to abide in this love in order to have charity for all.

I recognized a relationship of mine that was in need of some healing.  I recognized the ways that I had contributed to that breach.  I began to pray daily for healing and forgiveness.  I pray OFTEN to respond to others with love even when my feelings are hurt or when it feels "soul-stretching" to do so.  And I have made progress.  Sometimes when something hurtful is said, I am able to almost immediately stop what I'm doing, pray and respond calmly and politely.  But far too often I respond by saying something snarky or by drawing away from the person or ocassionally by gossiping about the experience.  My desires are good...but my actions often aren't!  I will keep trying and I believe that over time my actions can become better aligned with my desires.  And I will continue to try to refine my desires as well.

I love these quotes by Elder Maxwell: 

"Desire denotes a real longing or craving. Hence righteous desires are much more than passive preferences or fleeting feelings....Therefore, what we insistently desire, over time, is what we will eventually become and what we will receive in eternity."

"Whenever spiritually significant things are under way, righteous desires are present."

Lessons Learned:
The Savior will judge us based on our actions AND desires.

Our desires can lead us to be the means of doing much good.

We can become more loving and forgiving and Christlike IF we desire to do so and seek the Lord's help.

Becoming truly charitable and developing love for others is an ongoing process and requires time and repentance and growth and learning and becoming.