Just a couple of weeks before my 14th birthday, my dad came for a visit. (I've likely written about this elsewhere on my blog and definitely wrote a lot about it in my journal back then.) He'd moved to Texas "for a job" and as far as we kids knew, we would be moving to Texas that summer to join him. Over the weekend we went and got family pictures taken. We spent time together. It was great. Then Monday morning when we woke up, our parents weren't home. I asked my grandparents where they were and they just said they would be back in a while. They got home and said they were taking us out for lunch. We almost never went out to eat back then so that felt special. After lunch, they took us to a park, sat us down and told us they had gotten divorced that morning. I don't remember most of what they said...they said they still loved each other and maybe things would work out for them to get back together and none of it was our fault and I don't even know what else. I felt numb.
When we got back to my paternal grandparents' home (where my mom and my sisters and I were living), my cousins Amy and Laura were there. Their parents had divorced so I think it was meant to comfort and help us. And of my paternal cousins, they were my only older cousins and I looked up to them. But I don't think it was much comfort to have them there.
Eighth grade was a hard year...before and after the divorce. My best friend had moved and didn't live nearby anymore. (To my mom's credit, she drove me to Peoria fairly often to see Tacia.) There was a lot of peer pressure and that is a hard age any way. And now, completely unexpectedly, my parents were divorced.
I struggled. I remember crying a lot. I remember having a lot of questions. You see, it suddenly hurt like crazy to sing "I have a family here on Earth. They are so good to me. I want to share my life with them thru all eternity. Families can be together forever, through Heavenly Father's plan. I always want to be with my own family and the Lord has showed me how I can." Was that true for me anymore? If my parents were divorced, then how could my family be eternal? My questions and fears intensified when my mom decided to remarry Mike about a year and a half later. She applied to have her sealing to my dad broken and I didn't know what that meant for me. Who was I sealed to? Would I have to choose between my parents? What did that mean for my dad? And by then, I knew a lot more about the reasons behind my parents' divorce and the big mistakes my dad had made. So I also had questions about why he would do the things he did. And did I want to be with him? And how could I ever consider getting married when it could turn out so awfully and cause me and especially my future children so much pain? I had a lot of questions. I didn't get all the answers right away. I'm not sure that I 100% understand know and understand exactly what eternity will be like. But over time I got many answers and most importantly, I gained peace. I came to understand that families can be eternal and that God is good and that though my family was imperfect and I was imperfect, there was still hope. And our family situations will be sorted out and we will get more than we deserve.
LESSONS LEARNED:
Mortality is messy and complicated and sometimes heart-breaking. And yet, peace can be found even in the midst of the mess and the heart-break. Sometimes it takes time for the peace to come, but if we are on the covenant path, it will come.
Families CAN be together forever. And if your family isn't the "ideal" (most families aren't!!) you can trust that God will work things out and it will be for your good.
God is good.
It's okay to ask questions. In fact, it is good! But try to approach them with an eye of faith.
Maintain hope.
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