A few weeks ago was Senior Gala (similar to Prom and in place of senior ball...Hunter High held a dance and dinner for the seniors at Hunter High). Michelle is a senior class officer and so she was involved in planning and preparing for the gala. Michelle has worked incredibly hard in student government this year and there have been parts she has enjoyed and parts she has hated. (The parts she has hated have all related to drama and gossip and people treating one another unkindly.) A few days before senior gala, Michelle had a math final. She wasn't allowed to have a phone while taking her final, so she didn't have her phone with her. When she finished her test, there were a bunch of texts from the senior class officers and they were clearly upset that she hadn't responded. She explained that she had been in a final. They had planned to meet after school to work on something for the gala. She explained that she couldn't come because she had to work (which she had already told them previously several times...her schedule is nearly ALWAYS the same...Monday, Wednesday and Saturday from 3:30-7 and ocassionally Thursday at the same time). She got a call from the senior class president that was not nice.
A couple of weeks later the student government banquet was held. It was for everyone in student government...but not parents. Michelle couldn't attend--she had to work. Afterward, I would be so grateful that was the case. A few days after the banquet, just a few days before graduation, Michelle went to a student government meeting in preparation for graduation. She was given her student government "award" at the meeting. She came home and threw it away and cried. Her award was the Lochness Award...because she is nowhere to be found. It was all a very mean and unfair response to her missing that meeting for the gala. It was especially unfair because there have been a number of times when the senior class met to work on things and Michelle was the only one there for a good portion of the time or where the senior class president and vice president didn't come for one reason or another. Michelle worked as hard or perhaps harder than any of the class officers. I'm sure the class president thought she was being funny or at least she would have said that it was a joke. But it was an insult, a slap in the face, and it hurt Michelle quite deeply. Michelle has been gossiped about several times (likely more) and intentionally left out several times and I have encouraged her to continue to be kind and to forgive. But this was uncalled for and completely inappropriate.
It hurt because the award was handed to her and signed by the student body president who is in our ward and is a friend. And frankly it made me beyond angry. It's been almost a week and I still feel angry. The student government advisors should have been more involved in the awards. Apparently they were all "funny" awards and the student body president didn't know what they meant but assumed they were jokes when she signed them all. And the student government advisor was there when they were being signed, but I feel like maybe explanations should have been given or there should have been some more oversight because "funny" awards should not be demeaning and both sides of the "joke" should think they are funny. I hope that all of the rest of the awards really did feel funny to the recipients as well as the givers because I hope no one felt like Michelle did. But I'm angry that it happened and that it put a definite negative feeling on Michelle's last week of high school. I emailed the student government advisor but received no response. And Michelle never received any kind of apology from anyone.
Typically, when things happen that hurt my girls or that seem unfair, I coach them at home how I suggest they handle it but then I let them be the one to approach the teacher or the friend or the classmate and handle the situation. I think they are old enough to learn to deal with hurt feelings and difficulties without a lot of direct intervention on my part. I am not a "helicopter parent"--partly because as a parent with a full time job it isn't possible, but also because I really try to help them learn to be responsible and independent (though I fail at that in many ways). I rarely have what many people describe as a "mama bear" mentality or response to situations. I can typically assume that other people are trying their best and that they made a mistake and I think I'm usually pretty good at forgiving. But I wanted to drive to the senior class president's house and punch her in the face. I wanted to storm over to the high school and tell the student government advisors off. Mostly I wanted people to see the good that I see in Michelle and treat her with the respect that I think she --and really all of us!!!--deserves. This was unfair, unkind and unwarranted. And it should never have been allowed to happen. And frankly those girls should know better. I'm glad Michelle doesn't have to deal with them anymore but I'm also disappointed that they acted that way and that none of them had the decency to apologize. Michelle tried her best to make graduation a fun and happy event and to forgive those bratty teenagers and from what I can tell she is handling it better than I am. I will get over it, but I am really disappointed that no one even tried to make things better. I think I could get past it more easily if #1 they hadn't been planning to give that award publicly and humiliate her in front of a bunch of peers, #2 it hadn't been graduation week, #3 there hadn't been several other slights and what I'm fairly confident (especially now) were intentional efforts to exclude her, #4 the student government advisor would have responded in some way, #5 someone had apologized, #6 one of "my" young women hadn't been involved at least on the periphery.
I will get over it. Michelle will get over it. It will be okay in the long run. I know the importance of forgiveness and I will get there. And hopefully, this will make Michelle (and me) even more determined to include others, be kind and respectful to others and be careful when using humor to never hurt or humiliate or offend.
LESSONS LEARNED:
*In the words of Elder Renlund (Infuriating Unfairness): "Some individuals make injurious mistakes even when they are trying to do good. Some choose not to alleviate unfairness when they could. Distressingly, some individuals use their God-given agency to hurt others when they never should.
...My heart aches for those who face such unfairness, but I declare with all my aching heart that Jesus Christ both understands unfairness and has the power to provide a remedy. Nothing compares to the unfairness He endured. It was not fair that He experienced all the pains and afflictions of mankind. It was not fair that He suffered for my sins and mistakes and for yours. But He chose to do so because of His love for us and for Heavenly Father. He understands perfectly what we are experiencing.4"
*So many experience this type of treatment over and over and over. I can do more to try to prevent it and repair it when it happens.
*It's absolutely critical to forgive. Primarily because those dumb, mean teenage girls are probably already over this but I'm still suffering because of it. Thomas S. Monson said: “Blame keeps wounds open, only forgiveness heals.”
*We should be kind. All of us. All of the time. Our words and our jokes have the power to create peace and happiness or hurt and sorrow. I want to "speak with the tongues of angels" and never use my words to harm or destroy.
*Everyone deserves respect.
*Awards should be just that-- a reflection of the talents, achievements and accomplishments of an individual and not something that demeans.
*When you do wrong, even if it was unintentional, please apologize!
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