Ryan First Concert

 When I was a sophomore in college, my roommate Mel had an older brother named Ryan.  I thought he was so cute.  And he was in a band.  And he was so nice.  I had a crush on him.  One day, Ryan was over and he invited Mel and Cyndie (Mel's best friend--they'd gone to high school together and both were my roommates) to go see an Oingo Boingo concert.  I had never even heard of Oingo Boingo.  But Mel and Cyndie were excited to go and Ryan was going and so I invited myself along.  I hoped it would give me a chance to talk to Ryan and get to know him better.  But Ryan was pretty shy--and definitely not interested in me.  I ended up sitting next to one of Ryan's friends and band members, Karl.  It turned out that I knew two Oingo Boingo songs (only two--but at least a couple of songs were familiar) and it also turned out that Karl was funny and pretty easy to talk to.  Even though things didn't go as I planned at the concert, it still ended up being a fun night.  And it wasn't long before Karl and I started dating and dated off and on for the next two years.  

LESSONS LEARNED:

When things don't go as expected, you can get angry or you can mope or you can decide to have fun anyway.

Sometimes doing something out of your comfort zone ends up being really a positive experience.  

I didn't marry Karl, but I learned a great deal about myself and about relationships from dating him.  I'm glad that I met him and had the experience of dating him because it helped me learn and grow in many ways.

Mrs. Tipton wrong welcome

 In the summer before I started first grade, I received a postcard from Mrs. Tipton.  She was one of the first grade teachers at my school.  The postcard welcomed me to her class.  I was so excited for school to start and to be in her class.

On the first day, I was dropped off at school.  I went and lined up with Mrs. Tipton's class.  When school started, I went inside her class.  But almost immediately she checked roll and I wasn't on her list.  She told me I was in the wrong place.  I told her that I got a postcard.  She told me that I wasn't on her list.  She told me to go to the office to find out which class I was in.  I was a very, very shy child.  Walking to the office was terrifying--I wasn't really sure where the office was (though it was right by the first grade classrooms).  Finding out that I wasn't in Mrs. Tipton's class felt heartbreaking.  And having to then walk to my real first grade classroom by myself, LATE!, on the first day of school felt so scary and sad.

I found out I was in Mrs. Grigg's class and I loved her and it was a good year.  And as an adult now, and a teacher, I recognize that the first day of class is a hectic one.  I don't think Mrs. Tipton was mean and it was a simple mistake.  And yet, I still remember the fear and the sting from that experience.

What did I learn from this?

I try to be very kind to students at school.  I try to be helpful and look out for students, including those who aren't in my class.  

We all make mistakes and are in need of forgiveness.

At the time, it felt really frightening to have to walk to the office and then find my classroom on my own.  But Mrs. Tipton's class, Mrs. Grigg's class and the office were all very close together.  I was never in any actual danger.  There were people that would have helped me if I needed it.  Sometimes when we feel fear, it is unfounded and we are often capable of doing more than we think or realize!  (This is a lesson I think I have to keep learning and relearning.)

Even though it didn't quite work out the way I expected or hoped, it made an impression that my teacher sent a postcard.  For years--most of my career, I have sent a postcard to students the week before school starts to introduce myself and welcome them back to school.

Michelle disappointment to help

 On Saturday, Michelle came home from work feeling a bit disappointed.  A friend had cancelled plans.  It was a Saturday evening and (again) she was just going to be at home.  It's been a weird year and there have been too many cancelled events and cancelled plans.  Michelle took Ella to her friend Liv's house and decided to go to Target to get a couple of things she needed.  

While at Target, her friend called and asked if Michelle could come over.  Her cute friend was going on her first date that night and she was nervous and wanted Michelle to come give her a "pep talk".  So Michelle headed over.  Not long after Michelle got there, her friend's date called and cancelled.  Her friend was pretty disappointed, so Michelle stayed and they talked and then they headed to the store to do a little shopping together and ended up having a fun time together.  I'm sure her friend was still disappointed that the date was cancelled.  I'm sure not all of the hurt and sad feelings were gone.  But I am so glad that Michelle was available to cheer her friend and be there for her.  And I'm glad that a night that started off so sad for Michelle was able to be turned around.  I have seen over and over that the best thing to do when I am sad or disappointed or lonely is to find someone else to help or to cheer up.  It's hard when you are feeling lonely to reach out to someone else...but it really is such a blessing to do so.

Sheep Goats Temple

 Matthew 25:31-33  shares the parable of the sheep and goats:

When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory:

32 And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats:

33 And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left.

One day a couple of years ago, after work, I went to the Salt Lake Temple.  I work just a few minutes away, so I would try to go after work at least once or twice a month in 2018 and 2019.   One day I parked at the conference center and was crossing the street.  A woman crossed the street with me and began talking to me.  She was so happy I was going to the temple and had an obvious love for the temple.  As we talked for a few minutes, she referred to the parable of the sheep and goats and told me that most of her family were goats. That despite being taught the gospel, most had rejected it and didn't want to visit her or have anything to do with the church.   I listened and gave the woman a hug as I entered the temple.  She said she hoped some day we would meet in heaven again.  It was only a five minute conversation.  But I have thought about it often.  

 

I have such conflicting feelings about it.  Here are some of my thoughts/lessons learned:

First and foremost, I'm so glad that it is not up to ME to determine who are sheep and goats but only to try my best to love all people.  I know the Savior can judge much better than me.  (Though I am guilty of making judgments at times.)  

Second, I feel grateful that for whatever reason that sweet woman felt like she could talk to me.  I was a stranger, but she must have needed a listening ear and I am glad I could provide that listening ear.

Third, I want to be very careful about how I think and speak about my children or loved ones.  It does seem that many of my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) have turned away and I guess could be categorized as goats.  But I believe in the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and that people can change.  I feel a deep sadness that so many turn from the gospel I love.  But who knows whether they will return.  I don't want to make a final declaration that they are goats...goats may not change, but people do all the time.  And sometimes our words and attitudes about others help shape what they become.  I want to be careful to assume that my children and loved ones will become like Christ.  Their path to that destination may not always be as straight as I would hope but I have hope that Christ will keep reaching out to them and guiding them toward Him.  If there is truth in the idea of self-fulfilling prophecies, then I want to see myself, my children, my young women and all others as capable of and destined to become like God.

Text Natalie Post

 I had thought earlier that I should text my friend Natalie and see how she is doing.  But it was a busy day and I likely wouldn’t have responded.  But I read an IG post about grief and thought “Text her now.”  So I did.  She replied almost immediately and said:

“ You know the cool thingabout the holy ghost... is that he can go directly to you and you respond.  ;) I’m just listening to a come follow me podcast, being rather sad today.. thinking about being lonely and holding the book you sent me... and there you are.  I hope you are well today too!“

I didn’t know she was having a sad day but God did.  And the Holy Ghost not only gave me the thought to text her but inspired someone else to write a post that would be just the nudge I needed to reach out.  I wish I was so much better at responding to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.  I am not as good as I want to be.  But I am grateful that I am learning to listen better and that the Holy Ghost is a patient teacher.  How I want the Lord and the Holy Ghost to know that Jenny Panameno is someone who will respond, someone who will hear and hearken to the whispering of the Spirit.

Lesson learned:

When the thought comes to reach out to someone, do it!

Even when I don’t know others’ struggles, God does!

One Truth Selah

 Today was the first day of a new Multiply Goodness Study.  I'd decided not to participate because I have several things I'm trying to study right now and I just didn't feel like I had time to participate.  But I'd had this prompting in January to study the Psalms.  And I hadn't started that because--again--I was involved in several other studies.  So when I heard that the next Multiply Goodness study was focusing on the Psalms, I knew I should do it.  The study guide is called "Selah", a word found often in the Psalms.  This word is understood to mean "Pause and reflect"  but also "lift up and exalt."

Today's section was Psalm 117 and the devotional focused on one truth we would like those we love to know about God.  If we could only teach them one thing, what would it be?

I loved this comment shared under the devotional.  It was shared by a woman named Vickie.  She wrote that the past year has been difficult for her husband.  He had had major pain in his right shoulder when the pandemic hit last March.  One night the pain was so bad, he became suicidal.  Vickie asked her husband if he would like a blessing.  He said no and said it wouldn't help anyway.  She said the right words to say just came to her.  She sat down beside him and said, "Let me tell you about MY God."  Then she spent an hour sharing personal experiences with of the times HER God showed up when she reached out to Him.  And that that particular evening was no different.  As she talked, the Spirit came and her husband became calm.  It was a turning point for her husband.  He still had to wait four months for surgery and has had a long recovery, but he is progressing.  And, she writes, "through it all, my God was there."

LESSONS LEARNED:  Sometimes in times of trouble, telling of or remembering the times our God has been with us will help.

Listen to the Spirit and the Spirit can often guide you to know what to say or do when someone is in trouble or in need of help or comfort.

We worship a God of miracles, a God who loves, a God who is always there!

Emily Orton Heart

I bought tickets for my mom and I to attend TOFW this year...but thanks to Covid it was transferred to a virtual event.  You got access to the videos to watch at home at your convenience (as well as some other items.)  I've been watching them and was really touched by Emily Orton's message (among others).  Her message was all about "How's your heart?"  She compared our hearts to play dough...they can be soft and pliable and easy to mold into whatever the Lord needs it to be or hardened and unable to be molded. 

She told a couple of stories about keeping  our hearts soft.  I was really touched by these three stories:

A friend of hers named Ally got married and soon her husband began to be sarcastic and demeaning.  Time passed and things became worse and worse.  He was dismissive, demeaning and abusive.  She didn't like how he treated her, but she also didn't like who she was becoming.  She left and brought her 3 kids with her.  She turned to Christ and He showed her what was possible--who she could become.  So she got divorced and despite the pain and difficulties, she is whole and strong.  (I'm sure there is a lot more to this story, but I still love it.)

Her friend Erin had 2 miscarriages and was heartbroken.  She was pregnant and worried but hopeful.  She went in for an appointment and her regular OB/GYN wasn't there.  The woman who saw her looked and announced there was no heartbeat and she would need to come back for a procedure to take care of the miscarriage.  She returned for the procedure and in both encounters felt like the woman was lacking compassion.  She felt deeply hurt and she was mourning.  She never wanted to see this woman again.  That morning of the follow up appointment, she poured out her heart to God.  And God told her to write a letter of gratitude for this doctor's expertise and help.  She didn't want to but as she began to write, her heart healed and she actually felt gratitude.  She took the note and set it on the doctor's desk and the whole appointment went better and she felt healed.

Her friend Gabby was a department head.  She was in conflict with another department head.  She went to her boss for advice.  Her boss said she needed to be direct...go straight to this other dept. head and confront her...be touch and fight for herself.  Her boss said she would never get ahead in life--she was too nice.  But Gabby was a survivor of abuse and had decided who she wanted to be.  She knew that real strength comes from being true to your values.  She said to her boss that he might see it as weakness but she knew it takes courage to be kind.  She said, "I will give kindness for contention, forgiveness for foul and I'm strong enough to pass through pain without passing it on."

Emily Orton said the lessons we can/should learn are:
1.  Your heart matters.  Take time.

2.  You choose your heart.  Take ownership.

3.  A soft heart takes courage.  Take care.

*I can choose how to respond to situations.  

*I can forgive even when it is soul-stretching to do so.

*If I pray to want to want to do something then God can change the desires of my heart.

*Gratitude melts feelings of hurt and anger.