My dear Ella

Sweet Ella bo bella,

Have I told you today that I love you? You are turning into such a beautiful young girl. Here are some of the things I love about you at four years old.

I love your beautiful brown eyes that sparkle when you smile. Have you noticed that complete strangers will comment on them at the grocery store? They are beautiful. You are beautiful.

You love to be held and cuddled. You like to give hugs and to curl up in my arms. In fact, sometimes at church, you and Gabrielle fight over who gets to sit in my lap. Even though you are a "big girl", you still love to be held.

You are so sweet. Most days when Daddy gets home from work, you are the first one to say "Buenos dias, papi" and to give him a hug and kiss.


I love that you are trying to keep up with Michelle. You want to do what she does. You want to read the books she reads (even though I have to help you with all the words still) and you are always saying, "Let's do homework. I want to do homework too." (If only Michelle were always that excited about doing homework! Although she is usually pretty good about doing it.) You are so excited to start kindergarten next year.



I love how sweet you are with babies. You always want to hold Gabrielle, although now she is too busy to let you most of the time. You always ask to hold other friends' babies too.

I love your silly pouty faces (but I could do without your tantrums! At least you are not throwing tantrums as often as you used to!)



I love how close you are to Michelle and Gabrielle. You adore your sisters and usually you get along very well with them.

I love your burgeoning testimony of the gospel and your sweet faith.

But most of all, I love you! I am sorry that you are sick today, although I have enjoyed being home with you and getting time to cuddle. Get better my sweet girl. I love you!

Vacation Memory

The topic for this week's family history journal, sponsored by Evette is earliest vacation memory.

I have two. When I was young, we traveled from Phoenix to Salt Lake nearly every summer to visit my grandparents (mom's parents). I remember one summer we traveled with our neighbor, Linda (who moved away when I was in about 2nd grade but later moved into our stake after she remarried while I was in high school...) and her children. We drove in their station wagon. I don't remember much about the actual time in Utah. I'm sure we went swimming and went to the library near my grandma's house and picked raspberries and apricots and did stuff with my aunt Elaine and uncle Brent who were both still single young adults. What I remember the most was this long ride with 4 or 5 kids in the back of a station wagon. I remember singing lots of songs to the tapes that Linda had brought. "Sing, sing a song. Sing out loud, sing out strong. Don't worry that you're not good enough for anyone else to hear..." Janene Brady songs. Safety Kids. Favorite Things. We sang and sang. And while it was a long drive, it was fun.

My second memory is not actually my earliest vacation memory, but I still need to record it. As I mentioned, my family always went to Utah in the summer... nearly every year. But these were basically our only vacations. But the summer after I was in fourth grade, we took a vacation to California. My family went with my grandparents. They drove down from Utah, and then we drove from Arizona to CA in their motor home. We went to Disneyland which was so fun, of course. Then we went to San Diego. We got to walk on the beach and wade in the ocean a little bit. We also went to Sea World. This was so exciting for me and so much fun for all of us.

Interesting side note... When I was a senior in high school, Linda and her husband were taking a trip to Disneyland. I believe that combined they had 7 children, although they left the baby home with a family member. So they asked me to come along and help with their kids. In exchange they paid for me to get into Disneyland. I had such a great time. Their kids were so fun and they playfully argued over who would get to go with me on each ride. It was another great vacation.

Complicated

Teaching is so complicated. Some years feel harder than others. This year is going to be challenging. My class is very nice, but they are very low academically. Most of my students are reading below grade level, 1/3 of them are more than 2 years behind. They also struggle with writing, spelling and math. It is easy to get discouraged...for myself, but especially for them. Many of their lives are hard and education is their ticket to hopefully improve their lives, to get out of the poverty and abuse and other difficulties they face. But with one teacher to 24 students, and so much curriculum to cover, it is discouraging at times. How can I help them achieve? How can I help them learn to read and write in English (a second language for most of them) and help them achieve proficiency in math? And if I don't, what will happen? Of course, I know what will happen for me/for my school. We won't make AYP (adequate yearly progress under No Child Left Behind) and the sanctions begin... we get to hear regularly how we aren't doing enough, how we need to work harder, try harder, teach more, assess more, intervene more, etc. But more importantly, if I don't succeed what will happen to them? It feels as if I see the answer when I meet with many of their parents... they will live on welfare or take drugs or abuse their children or end up in prison, and repeat what has been done to them. As a teacher in a poorer neighborhood, I feel somewhat like a trapeze artist, walking this tightrope between hope and despair. Hope that I can and will change lives. That what I'm doing matters and means something. That for at least some of these children, I will be the one to give them a brighter future or to help them see that they are loved and valuable. Despair that I can't do more than I am (given my physical limitations and time constraints and imperfections as a teacher and a human being) and that for many of them, the future will be bleak. I believe in education and it's power to change lives. I believe in public education and that over all we are doing a good job. But I also know that it isn't enough...more needs to be done for these children, but I don't know how, and I don't have any more time. It's a dilemma, an invigorating one at times and depressing at others. I love the challenge of trying new things and seeing kids learn and get excited and grow. But I am saddened by the kids that don't make the progress they should and wish I was more successful. And that more of them had loving, supportive, educated families that could fill in the gaps that I leave. Don't get me wrong. The majority of the parents do love their kids and do want what is best for them. But many of them don't know how to provide that for them, due to their limited English or limited education or because they spend 10 or more hours a day just trying to eke out a living to provide for their kids. They are tired and overworked and don't have the time and energy to help. (And sometimes I can relate...although I don't work as many hours, it is hard to work and then come home and prepare dinner and help with homework and clean up from dinner and get kids ready for bed and so on... I have empathy for these parents... and at least I don't have constant worry about finances and I am educated and I do speak English and I came from a great home...)

But I must admit, I feel a little ashamed this weekend. I was talking to Brenda, my friend and the other 3rd grade teacher at my school. Our classes are very similar, although mine is a little easier and a little higher. I was telling her how very worried I am for these kids. She agreed. I said I didn't know what to do to help them... and we talked about a few ideas. Then as we were leaving, she said that she had asked friends to pray for her class. She believes in God, but isn't religious. But she said she's considered going to different prayer sites on the computer and asking for prayers for her class. I was a little ashamed that here she was the one talking to me about prayer. I have prayed for students before, and this is obviously not a new concept for me, but I have not been praying for this class this year. I am going to start, and especially praying for the children I am most concerned about. As much as I love the students in my class and worry about them, the Lord knows and loves them more. They are His children. If anyone else would like to pray for my class, I would certainly welcome that.

One happy note. I got a new student this week. I had been told she may be difficult. She was removed from her home for abuse/neglect and put in foster care. Then she was removed from that foster care home for abuse/neglect and just put in a new foster home a week ago. She is darling and sweet. On Friday she told me that she was sad it was a half day. I asked why. She said that she loves school. She said she has always hated school, but that she loved it now. I don't know if it is because she is finally in a safe home with a caring, attentive foster mom or because I have tried to make her feel welcome and the other students have welcomed her or because she is in a class where many of her peers are struggling students like her and she is finally not the very lowest in the class (maybe there is 1 advantage to having a low class and that is that struggling learners don't stick out so much!) or a combination of all these things, but this little girl who has had a very rough life is happy. Let's hope and pray that this continues!

Silly girls

May:
Michelle has started saying and writing that things are her "migas" for "mi amigas" (my friends.)

7/21: At dinner tonight, Michelle said, "This dinner is boring." She hadn't eaten anything so I told her she would like the food. She said, "I don't mean the food. I mean it's boring without cousins Evan and Sarah. It's too quiet."

7/21: Oh, the faith of children! While watching Land Before Time, Michelle said, "I wish I was a dinosaur. Then I'd be living with Jesus, because all the dinosaurs are dead." "Hey, are there sharp tooth dinosaurs with Jesus?" I said I didn't know for sure. Michelle: "I don't think so. They could eat Jesus." (I then explained a little more about how things will be after the Resurrection.)

8/3: Michelle asked, "Mommy, is today Daddy's congratulation too?" (meaning is it Daddy's anniversary.) She kept referring to it as my congratulation.

8/19: I've been sick. Ella while praying, "Please don't let Mommy be six any more."

9/24: Michelle to a friend: "My principal is Miss Buendia. She talks English and Spanish. That's why we learn English and Spanish at my school. She is the best because of that. And because she dresses so pretty. And, she wears high heels. Then she looks so beautiful!"

9/26: Ella: "Mommy, Michelle and I don't want to marry hot guys." Me: "Why?" Ella: "Because." Me: "What is a hot guy?" Ella: "You know, a guy who is hot. One who is burning himself up." Michelle: "No, it's a guy that you love and want to kiss."

July -September 09 Reads

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins (sequel to Hunger Games... I can't WAIT for the third one to come out!)
Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult
Don't Tell a Soul by David Rosefelt
Full Tilt by Neal Shusterman
The Gardner Heist:The True Story of the World’s Largest Unsolved Art Theft by Ulrich Boser
Graceling by Kristin Cashore
Hot Lunch by Alex Bradley
Pursued by Lynn Gardner
Schooled by Gordon Korman (VERY interesting book! Quick read.)
The Daily Coyote by Shreve Stockton
The Gardner Heist by Ulrich Boser
Stalking Susan by Julie Kramer
The Stepsister Scheme by Jim Hines
Vanishing Act by Jodi Picoult


Our Favorite Kid's Books Right Now
Mary Had a Little Lamp by Jack Lechner
On the First Day of Grade School by Emily Brenner
The Chicken of the Family by Mary Amato

Women's Meeting

I just returned home from the General Women's Meeting. Alfredo took the girls somewhere and the house is quiet. I, of course, have lots of things to do (such as fold the rest of the 8 loads of laundry I did today or finish vacuuming downstairs or grade 4 days worth of math homework), but I wanted to take a few minutes to record my thoughts. It is a wonderful thing to belong to Relief Society. President Eyring talked about the history and heritage of Relief Society. It is an amazing organization we belong to, one based on love and serving others. When I was in the Relief Society Presidency a few years ago, I learned a lot about charity and felt like I came to somewhat understand what it really means. I feel like I still understand, but don't always live it as well as I should. I truly do love my neighbors and the women in my ward, but I know I don't always show it as well as I could. I am an introverted extrovert. Is there such a thing? I love to talk and be surrounded by people. And yet, I also have a shy side. I often want to start talking to others, but unless I know them really well, I often can literally not think of a thing to say. But as our stake relief society president talked about, I need to take my hand out of my pocket (or step outside my comfort zone) and be friendly and kind to others. I need to be more diligent in visiting teaching. I know it is inspired and I always mean and want to do my visiting teaching, but I don't always follow through. And really I have no excuse. Our ward is very small... only a few streets wide. I can walk to any ward member's house within 5 minutes or so...so I should be much better about visiting.

I really loved Sister Smith's talk. She started by talking about the warnings in the London tube (subway) to "Mind the Gap". She spoke about 3 gaps we need to mind. The first is that between believing we are daughters of God and knowing that we are precious and beloved by Him. This really was powerful. I have recited the Young Women's theme countless times, and I often get teary eyed as I say, "I am a daughter of Heavenly Father who loves me and I love Him." I know it is true. But sometimes as life gets busy and I make mistakes and I yell at my kids or argue with my spouse or I forget to pray or do other things, I begin to not feel that I am loved or worth loving. It is so easy to be hard on myself and see the ways that I need to improve. So this was a good reminder.
Her second gap was the gap between graduating from Young Women's and entering Relief Society as a participating member. They talked quite a bit tonight about Relief Society not being a class on Sunday, but being an organization that we are all members of--whether or not we attend on Sunday. I was reminded of quotes I've heard before that say that it is up to us to determine how much we will get out of church each week... if we are prepared spiritually to be edified, then we will be. Same with Relief Society, we will get about as much as we give.
Her third gap was the gap between believing in Jesus Christ and living in such a way as to qualify for his Atonement and return to live with Him. Her talk was very powerful.

I was so grateful to feel the spirit so strongly tonight.

Asking & Answering Questions...

Today, when we arrived at Michelle's school, someone (almost certainly gang member) had spray painted graffiti on the wall of her school. Michelle was upset by it. By the time I picked her up after school, the graffiti was gone, painted over. The whole way home she talked about it and asked questions. She wanted to know why people would do that, and what it meant and why people do bad things and what happens if the people got caught spray painting. She saw them taking photos of the graffiti and asked why they did that. She asked why there are bad people and what gangs are and who made bad people. She really needed to process what had happened...it made her sad and worried and maybe a little scared. So I listened to and answered her questions the best I could, including a discussion about making choices and about choosing to do what is right. Which led to a discussion about the Savior and about Satan. She told her friend who came over to play about it and her dad about it. Then at bedtime, she was worried that she might have bad dreams because of it, and asked me to pray with her that she could forget and sleep.

I am not perfect at it, but I try to honestly listen when Michelle asks questions (and she asks a lot!) and to answer them if I can. If I can't, I try to remember the question and find out the answer. Of course, I don't always follow through when I don't know the answer, but I do try. I also try to answer Ella's questions and when Gabrielle gets bigger, I will do my best to answer her questions as well. Sometimes it can get annoying when kids ask "Why? Why? Why?" But I can remember my grandpa always telling me when I was a child that asking questions and being inquisitive helped you to learn and showed your intelligence. So I try to encourage their question asking and to answer as often as I can.

That is my Proud Mommy Moment for this Monday. If you'd like to share something that you have done right as a mom, hop on over to Shannon'sand join in the fun!

Also, if you're looking for ideas of something to blog about, my friendEvette is starting a weekly family history journal topic. Each Tuesday, she will post a topic and you can blog about it and then link to her blog.