Glacier, joy, rocks

 While at Glacier, waiting for our boat ride to take us back across Two Medicine Lake, we sat next to a darling three year old girl named Emmeline.  She was very smart and really darling.  She was sitting on the pier with her mom.  Stacie and I were next to them.  Stacie, in particular, struck up a conversation with Emmeline.  Emmeline was tossing rocks into the water.  The rocks in Glacier are quite colorful and many have interesting patterns.  Emmeline found such joy in looking at the rocks, tossing them in the water, and watching the splash and ripples they created.  She cheered and commanded us to look at the splashes and she often had Stacie go and get the biggest couple of rocks after she had thrown them into the water.  She was so darling!  But what really struck me was that she was completely immersed in that moment and found SUCH joy in what she was doing.  It was a joy to watch her as she tossed rocks in and laughed and cheered.  

LESSON LEARNED:  I want to be more like her...immersed in whatever I am doing and able to find joy in simple things.

Glacier Chinook Deception

 While in Glacier National Park last weekend, we went on a boat ride on Two Medicine Lake.

One of the things that the boat driver/guide pointed out was that on one side of the lake, many of the trees were dead and the other side, very few trees were dead.  Why?

*It wasn't due to fire.

*It wasn't due to disease.

*Insects didn't cause this.

So what caused it?

In the winter, it can get down to -40 degrees Fahrenheit in Glacier.  But sometimes a chinook wind will blow in from the west coast.  These winds can raise the temperature 100 degrees in 24 hours.  This tricks the trees into thinking that spring has arrived.  They send sap and water into their trunks. Then a day or two later, the temperatures plummet again.  The water in the trunks freezes, expands and the trees explode.  Apparently it sounds like a gunshot when it happens.  One side of the lake is mostly protected from these winds by the mountains so few of the trees have died, but the other side is exposed and many trees die due to this deceptively warm chinook wind.

I have been thinking about these winds for the past week.  The deceptive wind is devastating to the trees. This year as we have been studying the Doctrine and Covenants, there have been many warnings to avoid deception.  

A few examples:

D&C 10 discusses the methods the adversary uses to destroy us.  In verse 25 it explains that he tries to get us to deceive others and try to catch them in their errors.  He gets us to justify our own lies/sins because we are using them to catch another in their mistakes.  How can we avoid this trap?  In verse 5, we read "Pray always, that you may come off conqueror; yea, that you may conquer Stan, and that you may escape the hands of the servants of Satan that do uphold his work."

D&C 43 warns of those who receive false revelations with the intent to deceive.

D&C 46 tells us to seek the best gifts, the gifts of the spirit which are given for the benefit of man, so that we won't be deceived.

D&C section 50 says:  "And also Satan hath sought to deceive you, that he might overthrow you." (verse 3) and "But wo unto them that are deceivers and hypocrites, for, thus saith the Lord, I will bring them to judgment." (verse 6)

And in D&C 52:14 we are told that "Satan is abroad in the land, and he goeth forth deceiving the nations."

Deception is clearly something we need to learn to detect.  In Real Talk Come Follow Me podcast, Ganel-lyn Condie and Scott Sorensen said that it isn't so much that we need to avoid deception--as humans there will be times when we are deceived--but that we need to learn how to recognize the deception quickly and change course when needed.  Thankfully, we aren't exactly like these trees--once they begin to respond to the deception and send water into their trunks, they are in trouble.  For us, if we begin to be deceived and we recognize it, we can make course corrections and avoid the results of the deception.  But we do need to be aware so that we don't continue to be deceived into believing something that is untrue and acting in ways that will bring harm or destruction to ourselves and our family.

So how do we avoid deception or recognize deception?  I don't have all the answers but from my study of the Doctrine and Covenants, it seems clear that we need to be praying.  We need to be living so that we have the guidance of the Holy Ghost because the Holy Ghost helps us to know the truth of all things (and therefore can help us recognize when something isn't true).  We need to develop spiritual gifts, including the gift of discernment.  I think we need to consider where information is coming from--the scriptures, the prophets and apostles, and the Spirit are sources we can trust.  Often, friends and family are also sources we can trust (but not always).  Things we read on the internet, hear in the news, view on social media posts or things discussed in the office or on the playground may be much less trustworthy.  Finally, I know that deception and half truths and falsehoods are all around and I'm going to be exposed to them.  But if I'm immersing myself in things that feed my Spirit--service, temple attendance, prayer, scripture study, studying the words of prophets and apostles--then I'm better able to discern what is true and what is not and make necessary course corrections.

LESSONS LEARNED:

It's important to avoid and detect deception as it can lead to harm and even destruction.

Forgiveness Ice Cream

 I wrote a week ago about how upset I was about Michelle's treatment by some others in student government, especially the class president.  I am still disappointed that it happened and disappointed that no one ever apologized to her and that I got no response from the student government advisor.  But I don't feel the anger that I felt just a few days ago.  Some of that, I am sure, is a response to prayer.

But I also found a trip for ice cream really healing.  I had invited all 3 seniors who just graduated to go out for ice cream with me.  Kate has been hard to contact for the past year, so I wasn't sure she would respond or go.  But she did!  It ended up that Michelle couldn't go on the day and time that we went, so I went with Liv and Kate.  We met at Leatherby's and enjoyed ice cream and a visit.  It only lasted a short time, but it felt very healing for me.  First, to see Kate and hear how she is doing and what her plans are was healing.  And while Liv had only limited involvement in what happened to Michelle, still I found it very healing to spend a bit of time with her and feel love for her fill my heart again and replace the hurt and anger I'd been feeling.  I'm not sure exactly how or why eating ice cream with two young women was able to heal the anger and hurt I'd been feeling, but it did.  I'm so grateful.

LESSONS LEARNED:

Ministering to others can help heal so many of our own struggles.

The Lord can help us forgive and forgiveness is REQUIRED of us.

Unkind Award Michelle

 A few weeks ago was Senior Gala (similar to Prom and in place of senior ball...Hunter High held a dance and dinner for the seniors at Hunter High).  Michelle is a senior class officer and so she was involved in planning and preparing for the gala.  Michelle has worked incredibly hard in student government this year and there have been parts she has enjoyed and parts she has hated.  (The parts she has hated have all related to drama and gossip and people treating one another unkindly.)  A few days before senior gala, Michelle had a math final.  She wasn't allowed to have a phone while taking her final, so she didn't have her phone with her.  When she finished her test, there were a bunch of texts from the senior class officers and they were clearly upset that she hadn't responded.  She explained that she had been in a final.  They had planned to meet after school to work on something for the gala.  She explained that she couldn't come because she had to work (which she had already told them previously several times...her schedule is nearly ALWAYS the same...Monday, Wednesday and Saturday from 3:30-7 and ocassionally Thursday at the same time).  She got a call from the senior class president that was not nice.  

A couple of weeks later the student government banquet was held.  It was for everyone in student government...but not parents.  Michelle couldn't attend--she had to work.  Afterward, I would be so grateful that was the case.  A few days after the banquet, just a few days before graduation, Michelle went to a student government meeting in preparation for graduation.  She was given her student government "award" at the meeting.  She came home and threw it away and cried.  Her award was the Lochness Award...because she is nowhere to be found.  It was all a very mean and unfair response to her missing that meeting for the gala.  It was especially unfair because there have been a number of times when the senior class met to work on things and Michelle was the only one there for a good portion of the time or where the senior class president and vice president didn't come for one reason or another.  Michelle worked as hard or perhaps harder than any of the class officers.  I'm sure the class president thought she was being funny or at least she would have said that it was a joke.  But it was an insult, a slap in the face, and it hurt Michelle quite deeply.  Michelle has been gossiped about several times (likely more) and intentionally left out several times and I have encouraged her to continue to be kind and to forgive.  But this was uncalled for and completely inappropriate.

It hurt because the award was handed to her and signed by the student body president who is in our ward and is a friend.  And frankly it made me beyond angry.  It's been almost a week and I still feel angry.  The student government advisors should have been more involved in the awards.  Apparently they were all "funny" awards and the student body president didn't know what they meant but assumed they were jokes when she signed them all.   And the student government advisor was there when they were being signed, but I feel like maybe explanations should have been given or there should have been some more oversight because "funny" awards should not be demeaning and both sides of the "joke" should think they are funny.  I hope that all of the rest of the awards really did feel funny to the recipients as well as the givers because I hope no one felt like Michelle did.  But I'm angry that it happened and that it put a definite negative feeling on Michelle's last week of high school.  I emailed the student government advisor but received no response.  And Michelle never received any kind of apology from anyone.  

Typically, when things happen that hurt my girls or that seem unfair, I coach them at home how I suggest they handle it but then I let them be the one to approach the teacher or the friend or the classmate and handle the situation.  I think they are old enough to learn to deal with hurt feelings and difficulties without a lot of direct intervention on my part.  I am not a "helicopter parent"--partly because as a parent with a full time job it isn't possible, but also because I really try to help them learn to be responsible and independent (though I fail at that in many ways).  I rarely have what many people describe as a "mama bear" mentality or response to situations.  I can typically assume that other people are trying their best and that they made a mistake and I think I'm usually pretty good at forgiving.  But I wanted to drive to the senior class president's house and punch her in the face.  I wanted to storm over to the high school and tell the student government advisors off.  Mostly I wanted people to see the good that I see in Michelle and treat her with the respect that I think she --and really all of us!!!--deserves.  This was unfair, unkind and unwarranted.  And it should never have been allowed to happen.  And frankly those girls should know better.  I'm glad Michelle doesn't have to deal with them anymore but I'm also disappointed that they acted that way and that none of them had the decency to apologize.  Michelle tried her best to make graduation a fun and happy event and to forgive those bratty teenagers and from what I can tell she is handling it better than I am.  I will get over it, but I am really disappointed that no one even tried to make things better.   I think I could get past it more easily if #1 they hadn't been planning to give that award publicly and humiliate her in front of a bunch of peers, #2 it hadn't been graduation week, #3 there hadn't been several other slights and what I'm fairly confident (especially now) were intentional efforts to exclude her, #4 the student government advisor would have responded in some way, #5 someone had apologized, #6 one of "my" young women hadn't been involved at least on the periphery.  

I will get over it.  Michelle will get over it.  It will be okay in the long run.  I know the importance of forgiveness and I will get there.  And hopefully, this will make Michelle (and me) even more determined to include others, be kind and respectful to others and be careful when using humor to never hurt or humiliate or offend.  

LESSONS LEARNED:
*In the words of Elder Renlund (Infuriating Unfairness):  "Some individuals make injurious mistakes even when they are trying to do good. Some choose not to alleviate unfairness when they could. Distressingly, some individuals use their God-given agency to hurt others when they never should.

...My heart aches for those who face such unfairness, but I declare with all my aching heart that Jesus Christ both understands unfairness and has the power to provide a remedy. Nothing compares to the unfairness He endured. It was not fair that He experienced all the pains and afflictions of mankind. It was not fair that He suffered for my sins and mistakes and for yours. But He chose to do so because of His love for us and for Heavenly Father. He understands perfectly what we are experiencing.⁴"

*So many experience this type of treatment over and over and over.  I can do more to try to prevent it and repair it when it happens.

*It's absolutely critical to forgive.  Primarily because those dumb, mean teenage girls are probably already over this but I'm still suffering because of it.   Thomas S. Monson said: “Blame keeps wounds open, only forgiveness heals.”

*We should be kind.  All of us.  All of the time.  Our words and our jokes have the power to create peace and happiness or hurt and sorrow.  I want to "speak with the tongues of angels" and never use my words to harm or destroy.

*Everyone deserves respect.

*Awards should be just that-- a reflection of the talents, achievements and accomplishments of an individual and not something that demeans.

*When you do wrong, even if it was unintentional, please apologize!

Birthday Heartache Attitude

 Friday was Michelle's 18th birthday.  18!!!  How is that even possible?  And I think she had a good day.  A friend took her out to lunch.  She visited with a couple of friends.  She got gifts that she really loved.  I had cookies delivered to her as a surprise in the middle of the day.  On Saturday, we went out to dinner as a family.  I think she felt loved.  

But there was also at least a little bit of heartbreak.  At least on my end.  Maybe it didn't bother her as much as it did me, though I suspect it did.  She wanted to celebrate her birthday by having several friends come over.  She wanted her best friend to sleep over but several others to come over and hang out and watch a movie.  A couple of the people she invited said they couldn't make it, but there were supposed to be 5 coming.  One of them did go to lunch with her earlier in the day.  And a couple of them said they would be a bit late.  They were supposed to come around 7.  I bought pizzas, chips, and sodas.  And her best friend, Morgan, showed up and they began talking and laughing and having a good time.  Around 9, another friend came and dropped off a gift and said she couldn't stay but happy birthday.  And she literally only stayed like 1-2 minutes.  Two other friends texted to say they weren't going to make it after all.  And maybe they all had legitimate reasons, I don't know. And Michelle, Ella, Gabby and Morgan seemed to have a good time.  Michelle seemed to stay happy.  But I felt crushed inside...and honestly, pretty angry.  I don't understand not showing up to a friend's on an important event.  And it just seems that this year, some of her friends haven't been very good friends at all.  It's been a hard year, and I guess I don't know what each of them is going through.  But I felt so sad.  I think my kids are pretty incredible--imperfect and human and flawed as we all are--but kind and funny and good.  And so I don't understand why it seems like she has struggled in the friendship department.  I hope and pray that she will have truly great friends when she heads to Utah State.  I wish I knew or understood why some people seem to find it so easy to make and keep friends and others struggle.  But I know some people that are genuinely kind and good that struggle.  I'm proud of her for seeming to focus her mind and thoughts on the positive parts of her day. 

Childhood Traditions Remembered

 What were some of the family traditions that you remember?

I don't remember having a lot of traditions when I was a child, but here are a few I do remember:

*Going to church each week.  This was important to my mom, and even in the years when my dad wasn't very active, she always got us ready and took us to church.  Now that I've had similar experiences, I appreciate this even more than I did before.  It's hard to go to church by yourself with 3 young children, though for most of my childhood we lived in the same ward as my grandparents. So we sat with them and I can remember often crawling on my paternal grandpa's lap, turning toward him and falling asleep with my face against his scruffy cheek during sacrament meeting.  So I guess my mom wasn't completely on her own with 3 young kids.  Nevertheless, it still required much effort and sacrifice on her part and probably plenty of heartache, so I am forever grateful that this is a tradition that she established and maintained.

*At Christmastime we would go to Sajuaro Ranch Park and have a big family party.  It would be potluck. Grandma Marj always made her delicious potato salad.  (I wish I had the recipe!  Store bought potato salad isn't very good, but I loved her potato salad when I was a kid.)   My aunts and uncles and cousins would be there, and we would play. (Though as I got older, I liked that less because there weren't cousins my age.  Amy and Laura were several years older and then there were cousins that were four years younger and even younger than that.)  My favorite part was always the White Elephant Gift Exchange and the good natured arguments that would break out over the silly gifts.  I couldn't wait to be a grown up and be able to be a part of the white elephant gift exchanges.  

*At Christmas, when I was little, my dad would buy a number of gifts and wrap them and put them in pillow cases.  I can't remember if we'd open them on Christmas Eve (it seems like that was the case, but I'm really not sure) or Christmas morning.  But he'd pull gift after gift out of the pillow cases and it always felt a bit like he was Santa reaching into his sack.  We didn't have much money, but he always made Christmas special.  (As an adult, I realize this probably required a lot of sacrifice for my parents to pull off.)

*Every summer (or nearly every summer) my sisters and I would come up to Utah in the summer and spend about a month at my maternal grandparents' house.  They lived in Holladay.  We would ride bikes around the neighborhood.  We would go to the Holladay branch of the library and check out stacks of books.  I remember going to Activity Days in the summertime and YW activities when I was old enough to attend YW.  My aunt Elaine and uncle Brent would usually take us to Lagoon or to Raging Waters.  Brent got married to Diane, and I absolutely loved her.  And they would take us to Diane's parents' home where we would jump on the trampoline with Diane's younger sisters who were close to my age, and drink soda and eat chips.  Before Brent got married, when I was elementary age, he had a motorcycle and would take us on short rides around my grandparents' neighborhood.  My grandparents had wealthy neighbors, including the owner of the Macey's grocery stores and one of the local weathermen.  There would be a fun ward party in the summer.  And I made friends, especially I remember, a boy named Mark Skinner.  Mark and I watched The Last Unicorn probably 50 or more times one summer.  I loved spending the summer at my grandparents.

*My grandma Marj was a good artist and would often draw us paper dolls. Or my mom would buy us paper dolls and then my grandma would spend hours with us, designing and drawing clothing and accessories and we would cut them out.  I don't actually remember spending much time playing with the paper dolls, though I'm sure we did, but I remember spending lots of time making them.  I don't know that that is considered a tradition, but it's one of my fond childhood memories.

*When my mom remarried, my mom and stepdad started a tradition of doing luminaries on Christmas Eve.  We'd place sand in the bottom of paper bags and put a lit candle in each one and line our driveway and sidewalk with them.  This is a tradition I have carried on into my family now.  

Resume Church Gratitude

 Elder Ashton once spoke of less conspicuous gifts in October 1987 conference.  He said:

From the Book of Mormon, particularly 3 Nephi, chapters 11 through 26 [3 Ne. 11–26], when the Savior Jesus Christ showed himself to the people on the American continent, many gifts are referred to as being very real and most useful. Taken at random, let me mention a few gifts that are not always evident or noteworthy but that are very important. Among these may be your gifts—gifts not so evident but nevertheless real and valuable.

Let us review some of these less-conspicuous gifts: the gift of asking; the gift of listening; the gift of hearing and using a still, small voice; the gift of being able to weep; the gift of avoiding contention; the gift of being agreeable; the gift of avoiding vain repetition; the gift of seeking that which is righteous; the gift of not passing judgment; the gift of looking to God for guidance; the gift of being a disciple; the gift of caring for others; the gift of being able to ponder; the gift of offering prayer; the gift of bearing a mighty testimony; and the gift of receiving the Holy Ghost.

We must remember that to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God. It is our right and responsibility to accept our gifts and to share them. God’s gifts and powers are available to all of us.

I have the gift of being able to weep.  It has always been a gift I've had, but it seems like it has become even more prominent lately.   And today, my tears flowed pretty freely.  It was our first week back for 2 hours of church in over a year.  The first Sunday in months that I didn't open a zoom meeting for Sunday School or Relief Society or Young Women's.  (We're still having zoom meetings for our classes for those unable to attend in person, but I didn't have to run it today since it was Sunday School.)  Our beloved President Carlson (our former Bishop and now a member of our stake presidency gave the most beautiful talk about the sacrament.  His wife Julie talked about "sparking joy" and how we can find joy in simple things even during hard times.  It was such a beautiful meeting.  Seriously so wonderful. And our discussion in Sunday School was great too.  But mostly it made me feel so happy to look around and see so many of my beloved ward members there today.  I have missed that.  I have missed them.  Still many of my ward members weren't there.  I hope they will be soon!

But oh how grateful I am for the blessing of being able to gather.  For the opportunity to join with other believers to worship Christ.  For the opportunity to watch young men bless and pass the sacrament--and to have enough young men to bless and pass the sacrament!  

I am so grateful for this gospel.  It means everything to me.  I hope to never have to close churches again.

In related but not the same news, the CDC released new guidelines about mask wearing:

“Anyone who is fully vaccinated can participate in indoor and outdoor activities, large or small, without wearing a mask or physical distancing,” Walensky said. “If you are fully vaccinated, you can start doing the things that you had stopped doing because of the pandemic. We have all longed for this moment, when we can get back to some sense of normalcy.”

Walensky said unvaccinated people should still continue to wear masks, adding they remain at risk of mild or severe illness, death, and risk of spreading the disease to others. People with compromised immune systems should speak with their doctor before giving up their masks, she said.

Those who aren't vaccinated are still supposed to wear masks but I don't know how they will enforce that, and I hope they won't.  Not because I don't think you shouldn't wear a mask if you're unvaccinated but because I don't want anything that will create more division.  And for the meantime, I still plan to wear mine in public most of the time until the pandemic is closer to ending.  Alfredo and I are fully vaccinated, and Michelle and Ella have received their first dose.  And the FDA just approved it for children from age 12 and up, so Gabby will likely receive it soon.  I am grateful that it is nearing an end here in the US, but my heart aches for countries (such as India) that are still suffering mightily from this pandemic.