Aunts, Uncles and Cousins, ...Oh MY!

On Sunday evening, we had Alfredo's abuela and all of his aunts, uncles and cousins (tios, tias, y primos) come to our house for dinner. His abuela is going to El Salvador for 3 months. (And her health isn't good so you just never know.) So this was a way for everyone to get together and visit and see her before she and her husband leave. Alfredo made his delicious carnitas tacos. Yum!

Small Moments

It is the small moments that often bring us the most happiness. I sometimes get too caught up in all of the things that I need to DO and don't take the time I should to laugh and play with my kids. Reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin reminded me that it brings happiness to laugh and to spend time doing little things with my kids. So a few days ago, when it was raining outside, I went outside with Gabby and let her splash in the puddles and we threw these little berries off a tree and had a wonderful time getting wet and laughing together. It only took 10 minutes of my time, but made me feel so happy. I need to remember to do these little things that bring us joy.

I want to remember the lyrics from the song "Little Wonders" from the movie Meet the Robinsons,sung by Rob Thomas. Here is my favorite part of the lyrics.

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we'll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain.

Tracy Aviary

As part of our Pass of All Passes, we have free admission to Tracy Aviary on Mondays. So this past Monday, I took my children to the Tracy Aviary. Michelle and Ella have been there on field trips...and I have been there before, but it's been many years. But it was Gabby's first time...and our first time going together.

Unfortunately, we missed the bird show. We got there barely on time and there were no more seats. So we made sure to be early to the next bird show which was about eggs...and only featured two birds...but was still fun. The girls were quite surprised that it took over 70 pounds of weight to crack a chicken's egg. During this "egg-cellent" bird show, a small falcon flew right over our heads twice. That was Gabby's favorite part. Michelle was pretty bummed, because the girl doing the bird show asked for several volunteers. One time she pointed briefly at Michelle and then turned and pointed at someone else and picked the other child. Michelle really wanted to be a volunteer.

Michelle's favorite part of the aviary was seeing the big birds. When I asked which big birds, she said all of them. So I guess that's the emu, the vultures, the geese and others. Ella's favorite part of the aviary was seeing the owls.

All three girls enjoyed digging in the sand and using different "beaks" to get "food" from the sand.

I enjoyed reading a bit about some of the different birds...what they eat, where they live, and so on. Like Ella, I enjoyed seeing the owls.

Hiking in the Wasatch...Waterfalls

Alfredo and I signed up for a hiking "class" through Granite Peaks Community Ed. We meet at the park and ride at 6200 Wasatch Drive on Saturday mornings and then hike to various locations, usually stopping at a waterfall or lake. It has been a lot of fun. It gives us a chance to spend time together without our kids. We've enjoyed meeting new people (and one of the former teachers at my school, Alicia, has been there~She retired 2 years ago, so it is fun to see her.) Plus, I'm hoping it will get me more familiar with the mountains so I'll take my kids up there more often and find hikes that they can enjoy.

Our first hike was to Stewart Falls. We parked at Aspen Grove and then it was a fairly easy hike to Stewart Falls. This is a hike that I'm quite sure my kids could handle. On this one, we ended up hiking alone. Most everyone else was starting at Sundance and taking the gondola up. But we had a babysitter and the gondolas don't start running until 10. We needed to be home by 11:30, so we opted to get started hiking sooner so we could get home.

Our second hike was to Shadow Lake. We drove up Big Cottonwood Canyon quite a ways until we reached Guardsman Pass. The leader had a complication and so some one else took charge and we ended up going a different way than the leader had planned for us. It was very steep going down for 3/4 of a mile. But beautiful. This hike was too hard for my kids. Maybe when they get older.

Rain, Rain Go Away... Just for One Day

I love summer rain storms. I love rain storms in general. But when we were invited to spend a weekend at our friends' cabin and it was supposed to rain, I was really hoping the rain would clear up so we could spend the day on the lake.

And it did. At least for a while. By lunch time it started raining, and so we headed off the lake and back to the cabin. But we had a nice morning out on the lake. Michelle, Ella, Asher, Oaklie and I all got turns on the tube. Asher went knee boarding. We swam for a bit.

At the cabin, the kids went swimming and Heather and I visited while sitting in the hot tub. Then the kids played inside and out. I got a chance to read and relax. We ate a lot of great food. It was such a nice, relaxing weekend.

Friends

I am feeling so grateful for friends. Sometimes I think about neighbors who have their immediate families nearby and feel a little sad that my family doesn't live closer. But I often feel a surge of gratitude that while most of my family and most of Alfredo's family do not live near us, we have been blessed to make some friends that feel almost like family. I am so grateful for the friends we have and the ways they support us.

We spent yesterday evening at Leo and Annette's house. They invited us for a barbecue. Leo's brother Christian and his family were there. So were Stacie and Jeremy and their family. We had an amazing dinner... hot dogs, sausages, grilled chicken, grilled beef, salad, bread, watermelon and dessert. Then we made Smore's around a little fire. The kids played happily for four hours together as we ate and talked and laughed and enjoyed each other's company. Then we even did fireworks to celebrate the 24th of July. At one point, I got a little choked up, looking around at these people who have become so important in our lives. I love them. I love their children. I look forward to seeing them and miss them if we don't see each other often. I feel so grateful that the Lord has blessed me with such wonderful people in my life...and in the lives of my children.

Gabby sat on a rocker with Jeremy as we were making Smores and talked to him for about 20 minutes straight. He listened intently and she told him all kinds of stories. I wish I'd brought my camera to capture that. Gabby, Michelle and Ella all took turns holding Drake.

I am thankful to know that if I needed something, I have several friends I could call that would be willing to help me. I'm thankful that the Lord has blessed me with friends at work, friends from Alfredo's company, and friends in my ward and neighborhood. What a blessing!

I'm also thankful for the 24th of July and the chance we have to remember our pioneer ancestors. For FHE this past week, we watched 17 Miracles. It is a beautiful film about the Martin and Willie Handcart Company. I am thankful for the faith and courage and fortitude of those early pioneers and hope that as I am faced with trials and challenges, I can also show strength and remain true and steadfast.

Short Hike

The only kind of hike I do with 3 kids. Short. After violin lessons two weeks ago, we headed up into Big Cottonwood Canyon and did a short hike. We took one trail that was a trail but wasn't marked and it suddenly dead ended, so then we went a little ways on another trail. That trail was 7 miles round trip, but we only went maybe a half mile. But it was nice to get out in the fresh mountain air, to see the trees, flowers, and river. Perhaps when Gabby gets a little bigger, we will do more hiking. But for now, our hikes are really more like nature walks. (Michelle wanted to go much further...but Gabby tired out quickly.)

Blessings

An online conversation with my dear friend Aly that I wanted to remember.

It all started when Aly posted this quote:

There are thousands and thousands of people out there living lives of quiet, screaming desperation who work long, hard hours at jobs they hate, to enable them to buy things they don’t need to impress people they don’t like.
~Nigel Marsh

A great quote. Very thought-provoking.

I replied: "True. An sadly there are probably millions who work long hours at jobs they dislike in order to barely provide meager shelter and food for their families. So many of us are so richly blessed. To have the necessities plus so much more. To be able to have jobs that we do enjoy, to have leisure time, to decide what our priorities are."

Aly:Jenny, Absolutely! I found it to be a very interesting quote. And you are very right, so many work very hard to barely get by. And so many work too many hours never seeing their families to attempt to keep up with the neighbors. I actually feel like the area we live in has (for most part) a very healthy balance when it comes to spending, work, family, and quality of life.

Me: I think so too. I think we are very blessed ... We have enough to meet our basic needs plus more which makes us wealthier than the vast majority of the world's population but I don't feel like there is (for the most part) a lot of external pressure to "keep up with the Joneses". Not that individuals don't ever get their priorities mixed up... Sometimes I do in my head... From time to time I have read that blog you shared of the family that travels all the time. It truly is not what I would want to do ...I like traveling but I absolutely love coming home after a week or so. But I think a lot about what they said about opportunity cost and working...spending our time in the way we want to...not working to attain some one else's goal of happiness. Sometimes when I am trying to figure out for dinner and I feel frustrated because nothing sounds good, I think about all the people who know what is for dinner tonight...rice and beans (or something similar) because that is what they eat every day and they spend all day just working to have that, and I remember that it really is a blessing to have to try to figure out what is for dinner because it is a sign of our abundance. (I am not always that filled with gratitude or aware of what others lack that I have and I don't always have that kind of attitude about cooking dinner, but often.). I also think about that sometimes when I am running. Throughout history there have been relatively few people who had to seek out exercise.... Most people got exercise just through the tasks of daily living/survival.

Aly: I get things mixed up in my head too at times, that's why I love quotes that make me think through what I really feel and believe (whether it is a quote that I agree with or not...as long as it makes me stop and think). And, what I really love about you is your capability to express those thoughts and engage in conversation about all sorts of topics. There are times that I look at the home we choose to live in and I think how humble it is and that I wouldn't ever want to live in anything fancier (it's just not a priority to me), but then I think about people who this house would be a mansion to, and I wonder if my view on necessities is a bit off, haha. When you mentioned that there isn't an external pressure, I got thinking how it really is a personal choice in the way that we choose to have those pressures or not. We can choose to feel like we need something because someone else owns it (give into the pressure), or we can choose to decide for ourselves what is best for us and whether or not we need or want it, which is very empowering. At times, it is easy to get caught up in purchasing things because we see so many around us with those items, but ultimately it is our own choice. I love your thoughts on dinner :O), and exercise is a very interesting subject indeed. Life is so different now than it used to be with physical activity. You are a very balanced person, Jenny! I love having you as a friend and example.

Me: Thanks. I love having you as a friend and an example! I don't know that I always feel balanced. There are things I would like to give my kids that I don't feel like I can due mostly to time constraints and sometimes money constraints...and when I say things I don't really mean possessions...but I'd love them to be able to participate in a sport or dance...but I can't commit to any thing else, at least during the school year. I know I've told you before, but I worry about whether I spend enough time with them, especially one on one, and whether my working will have some negative consequences for them. But I do try to be protective of my time with them. I do go to book club once a month, but try hard to avoid most other evening activities. Some day I would really like to get a master's degree, but I don't want to spend so much time away from them now. Anyway, I think for all of us it can be a struggle at times to decide what is most important for our own families. And to try hard to avoid judging others' choices since we rarely, if ever, know their whole story. My dear, sweet sister wrote a beautiful blog post recently about jealousy and how crazy jealousy is. It seems like jealousy and envy and judging were huge themes in the last conference and I have thought a lot about it. I rarely get jealous of people's things...but do find that I sometimes get jealous of people's circumstances. I don't know if that makes sense, but when I'm having a bad day or feeling discouraged about my trials (which I know to be small compared to so many others!) it is easy to wish my life were more like so-and-so's life. Anyway, I think a major cure for judging, jealousy, etc. is to really seek to be grateful. So I try to consciously think about my blessings and recognize what I do have. I think I've veered way off topic of the original quote, but any way. I also try to remember that the trials we're given are to strengthen us and that the Lord is aware of us. I'm trying hard to be more aware of the times I feel the spirit and to be aware of the promptings I'm given. I know I still have a long way to go, though.

Aly: See, I think you have your kids in SO many wonderful enriching activities! And, from my point of view you spend rich quality time with them. Alfredo is also very concsious of their needs and is so involved with teaching them. You have always been a mother that I look up to and admire very much. I hope that the original quote did not come across as judgmental, because that's not the feeling I had when I posted it. It was from a video that I watched last night and got me thinking about things in my own life...you know, like replacing my front room floor because I thought the carpet was embarrassing, haha! That is typically the reason for all of the quotes that I post, they are good little reminders to myself, without much thought at all to others - quite selfish really.

Me: No I didn't think your quote came across as judgmental but just a good reminder to keep priorities in order. The whole judging stuff was aimed at me and just me thinking aloud.

***
I am so blessed! I do have trials, but really I am so richly blessed that I shouldn't complain.

Alzheimers/dementia

I just read a wonderful book called Still Alice by Lisa Genova. It was about a woman named Alice, a Harvard professor of cognitive psychology, who has early onset Alzheimers. She is only fifty. This book was so touching and I felt such empathy for Alice (and for all those who suffer from this debilitating disease...particularly those with early onset Alzheimers).

At one point, Alice goes to a conference about Alzheimers and speaks. What she says is so powerful, I think, that it had me in tears as I read it.

"We, in the early stages of Alzheimer's, are not yet utterly incompetent. We are not without language or opinions that matter or extended periods of lucidity. Yet we are not competent enough to be trusted with many of the demadnds and responsibilities of our former lives. We feel like we are neither here nor there, like some crazy Dr. Seuss character in a bizarre land. It's a very lonely and frustrating place to be."

"...I'm losing my yesterdays. If you ask me what I did yesteday, what happened, what I saw and felt and heard, I'd be hard-pressed to give you details. I might guess a few things correctly. I'm an excellent guesser. ...I don't remember yesterday or the yesterday before that. And I have no control over which yesterdays I keep and which ones get deleted. This disease will not be bargained with. I can't offer it the names of the United States presidents in exchange for the names of my children. I can't give it the names of the state capitals and keep the memories of my husband.

I often fear tomorrow. What if I wake up and don't know who my husband is? What if I don't know where I am or recognize myself in the mirror? When will I no longer be me? Is the part of my brain that's responsible for my unique 'me-ness' vulnerable to this disease? Or is my identity something that transcends neurons, proteins and defective molecules of DNA? Is my soul and spirit immune to the ravages of Alzheimers? I believe it is." (pages 251-252)

I think this is so powerful and beautifully written. I truly can't imagine many things worse than losing my ability to read, write, speak and think.... and to be aware, at least at first, that this is happening and not be able to stop it. This disease seems so cruel. To lose all that seems most dear. I, personally, would much rather lose the ability to walk than to lose the ability to read or to think and learn and remember.

And yet, it also makes me grateful (as do so many things), that I have the perspective of the gospel of Jesus Christ. To be certain that the things that make me uniquely me will transcend whatever infirmities my body may someday suffer. To know that ultimately our souls will overcome the calamities of the flesh.

The speech goes on to talk about our responsibility as those who don't have Alzheimers.

"Being diagnosed with Alzheimer's is like being branded with a scarlet A. This is now who I am, someone with dementia. This was how I would, for a time, define myself and how others continue to define me. But I am not what I say or what I do or what I remember. I am fundamentally more than that. I am a wife, mother and friend, and soon to be grandmother. I still feel, understand, and am worthy of the love and joy in those relationships. I am still an active participant in society. My brain no longer works well, but I use my ears for unconditional listening, my shoulders for crying on, and my arms for hugging others with dementia....I am someone living with Alzheimer's. I want to do that as well as I possibly can." (page 252)

"Please don't look at our scarlet A's and write us off. Look us in the eye, talk directly to us. Don't panic or take it personally if we make mistakes, because we will.... I encourage you to empower us, not limit us.... Work with us. ... We can help each other, both people with dementia and their caregivers, navigate through this Dr. Seuss land of neither here nor there." (page 253)

I love this. The speech continues on and is so powerful. I'd love to quote all of it...but I'm sure I've probably quoted more than I should already. I have a good friend whose mother died from early onset Alzheimers. My grandparents have suffered from dementia.

It is uncomfortable and saddening to have someone you love change and forget due to dementia of any kind. It is easy to talk about them but harder to talk directly to them. I have been guilty of this, and I have watched as others have been as well. I am going to try harder in the future to remember this and if I have the chance to interact with those suffering from dementia to treat them with more respect and love. To treat them as I would hope to be treated if I suffered from dementia. Some day I might.
*****
This book touched me deeply. And it reminded me of an online conversation (on Facebook) I had with a high school friend Ben.

Ben asked this question: "An idea: We all know what fiction is; namely, that even though it may touch on universal themes or true-seeming concepts, it is not real. Yet somehow we still connect to it. Whether we are enthralled by the cleverness of Odysseus or the pain of Valjean or the sheer gumption of Harry Potter, we identify with certain characters and come to see them as more real than people that we live and work around. Why is this? What is it about a well crafted creation that makes it more able to be empathized with than a living, breathing human being?"

Several people responded with some interesting theories. I thought this was a great question. I'm sure I don't know all the answers and that the answers vary from person to person, but here are my thoughts (which I shared with Ben and others on Facebook).

In a story, you are able to see not just what someone does, but you are able to see why they do it. So it is easier to feel compassion for their mistakes and challenges. In real life, we rarely (if ever) really know why someone is doing the things they are doing and it is easy to think that if they would just do ________, then they wouldn't have that problem. You know that old saying about needing to walk a mile in someone's mocassins before judging. Books, if well written, let you do that. I do think there is also something to the idea of the pain being a bit distant. Not that novels/movies/plays don't touch you, but because they aren't personal and you know that soon the emotion will end, it is easier to accept and experience the pain because you know that it isn't really your pain and that soon it will be gone. Different to read about someone with cancer than to watch someone you love suffer with it...or to read about a broken marriage than to have yours fall apart...and so on.

I also think that the best books affect us in ways that slowly change us and make us better humans...make us more aware of the blessings we each have, the challenges we each face, and help us to become more compassionate, less judgmental, more aware that there are two (or 20 or 100) sides to every story.

One more thought... living, breathing human beings piss us off, hurt us and annoy us. Sometimes fictional characters do too, but not as often, nor does it bother us as much. We can put the book down or turn the movie off when the emotion gets too strong. Can't always walk away from the real life pain/annoyance/anger. But I surely hope that I don't have more compassion for some fictional character with autism than I do for a real life family member with the same diagnosis. My heart aches much more for my family member. I think this is only true for our feelings towards those who are more distant from us...strangers or acquaintances, but not for those we love.
*****
I hope that this book as well as many others truly do help me to become a better human being and help me to gain more compassion for the real life people around me when they have similar struggles. Sometimes when someone is struggling, you aren't sure how to help them and I think some times reading can give you insights that can help you to be more supportive. I hope that is the case.

Grandma Marj

On Sunday, we were able to go to dinner at my Uncle Dan and Aunt Suzanne's house. My Grandma was spending the weekend with them. On Monday, she was moving to Arizona to live with my Aunt Jane. It is very possibly the last time I will see my grandma alive. Happily, she has been doing better both physically and mentally since she was moved to a different care facility after my grandpa's death. My grandpa was so frail and so sick for the last several months of his life, that he spent most of the day sleeping. I think my grandma spent most of the day in bed too. But since he is gone and she was moved to a smaller, more home-like facility, her memory has improved and she is getting around better. I hope that she will continue to do well at my Aunt Jane's. But the reality is that she will be in Arizona, and I am here, and my grandma is old. Therefore, I do believe I may never see her again in this life. What a comfort it is to know that even if that is the case, I will see her again after I depart this life. What a reunion that will be!

My grandma has been a wonderful example to me throughout my life! When I was little, we lived just about a mile or two from her house. She was our caregiver after school while my parents worked. We spent summers at her home, playing in her backyard, swimming in their pool, enjoying her wonderful home cooked meals.

Probably the thing I remember the most about my grandma was how willing she was to serve others. She was always taking people to the doctor's office or grocery shopping or tending their children for them for free. She made her home a welcome haven for any kids in the neighborhood that wanted a safe place to play and willingly fed them if they were hungry. She loved children; her own, her grandchildren and everyone else's children.

My grandma also really had a testimony of food storage. She taught numerous classes to her ward and stake about food storage. She taught us often about the importance of having a year's supply...something that I've really been trying to work on for the past several years.

As a child, I can only remember a couple of times (2 or 3) in my life when I had a babysitter other than my grandma and grandpa. She loved us and she loved my mom as much as if my mom were actually her daughter, not just a daughter in law.

Another memory I have is that my grandma loved to draw. She would often draw a paper doll on cardboard or cardstock. Then she would draw a number of different outfits for the paper doll. We would then spend hours decorating the clothing. We rarely actually played with the paper dolls as paper dolls, but we spent many hours of our childhood creating and decorating clothing.

My grandma and grandpa have been such an integral part of my life. I will miss seeing my grandma. God be with you till we meet again, whether in this life or next, Grandma!