Classic Fun Center

Michelle and her friend from school hatched a plan that I should take them to Classic Fun Center.  They asked on Tuesday if we could go on Friday.  After looking over my calendar, I decided we could go, and they were thrilled.  So after I finished work on Friday, I picked the girls and Michelle's cute friend up from school. 

The girls all had so much fun.  They did a little bit of skating/scooter-ing.  Then they played in the jungle. 

 

Then they went in the bouncy houses.  There is a new one (since the last time we went there about 2 years ago) that has a big jump.  I was surprised, because I thought Gabby would get to the top, see the big jump and come right back down.  But no, she jumped right off and wanted to go again.  All of the kids had a great time.  They played a few arcade games and got a small snack. They laughed and played and I loved watching them and playing arcade games with them.  I also got some time to read while they were climbing through the jungle and bouncing in the bouncy house.  It was such a fun evening.

 

 

 

 I am feeling much better than a few days ago.  I've tried to get a bit more sleep.  I've studied and prayed.  I've had chances to talk with a couple of dear friends and go out to dinner with great friends.  I've found some time to read.  I got some Relief Society work done that helped me feel a bit better about things there.  And perhaps most importantly, I made time this weekend to play and have fun with my children and my family. 

 

On Saturday, we got family pictures taken.   And we finally took the kids to see Frozen.  We almost never go to movies as a family until they are in the dollar theater, but the girls all really wanted to see it.  So we made an exception and went to the theater.  I loved Olaf.  He is my favorite.  And in fact, my favorite part was his song In Summer.  Just seeing images of summer and contemplating the warmer weather, the time off, and all that summer entails made me feel happier.   Soon it will be spring, and the tulips and daffodils will bloom.  Rain will fall instead of snow (there's already been some rain, including on my birthday...what a nice present!).  The sun will shine more.  The days will be a bit longer.  The air will be a lot cleaner.  Just thinking about all of that brightens my spirits. 

 

Today, my sister came to visit and practiced violin with Michelle because she will be accompanying her in a violin concert later this week.  My aunt also came to visit, and our home teachers came over.  Being surrounded by great people makes me feel better.  Attending church and feeling the spirit there also makes me feel better.  Life is good.  Not perfect.  Still challenging.  I still haven't found a magic solution to help all my students to learn and be on grade level....because none exists.  But I feel a bit more renewed like I can give it my best, focus on what's most important in my life, remember my blessings, and trust in my Father and I'll be okay.  Most of the time, I'm more than okay.  I am very blessed.    And when things are hard, I can remember what Elder Holland said in his October 2013 talk "Like a Broken Vessel" which we studied in Relief Society today:  "Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee. Though we may feel we are “like a broken vessel,” as the Psalmist says,¹⁰ we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. "   While I do not suffer from depression, when struggles come for any of us, this is good advice... God can heal our hearts, our minds, and our bodies.  We are as clay in the potter's hands, and he can make out of our lives something much more beautiful than we could alone.  I know He loves me.  I feel His love regularly.  I am so thankful.

silliness

Sometimes it cracks me up the silly things my kids find or do to keep themselves entertained.  A few days ago, they pulled out plastic bags and made their own fat suit costumes.  (I sincerely hope this isn't offensive to anyone.  No harm or insult was meant to anyone of any weight or size.  It was just my kids being silly.)

Ella used the bags to make herself look pregnant, and Gabby made herself look kind of pear shaped.  Michelle, on the other hand, added bags to her legs, backside, stomach, back...pretty much everywhere.  Then they danced and did a little play.  Such silly, silly girls.

Me...feeling a bit down

While at the zoo, my friend said off-handedly that I do so many things and do them all well.  I appreciate the compliment, especially from someone that I love and admire so much.  And I want to be clear that I am not beating myself up.  But I am feeling a bit run down.  I have so much to be grateful for, and I know that, and I am grateful.  But...and there shouldn't be a but... but I am feeling a bit discouraged lately.

I know that much of it stems from parent teacher conferences last week.  I had all but one parent come, which is great.  Except that of course, the parent who didn't come is a parent I really need to speak with.  That parent's child has missed 30/110 days of school.  He's struggling.  He's so far behind.  And it is going to hurt his future if he doesn't catch up...but he's not going to with such poor attendance.  (And he has NO medical problems...the parents just don't make him go to school.)    He does not read as well as my own Gabby who is in kindergarten.  It's discouraging. My job is often heart breaking.  Knowing that many of these children face such difficult circumstances, and knowing that there IS hope for their future, but that it is going to be an uphill battle for them.  And in the great scheme of things, my power to change their lives is so very limited.

In addition, during parent teacher conferences, I did two parent interviews.  In one of the interviews, I learned that the mom and dad grew up in rural Mexico and mom only finished first grade.  She is illiterate.  Dad has some literacy in Spanish, but very little in English; he only finished 6th grade.  I meet these parents and I work so hard with their children, and most of them sincerely want what is best for their kids, but they don't have the skills or ability to provide it for them.  Most do the best they can.  But learning their stories is both humbling and heart wrenching.

My job is HARD, wonderful, fun, exhausting, overwhelming, rewarding, and discouraging.  It is both wonderful, because I know that what I do is important.  I would have a very, very hard time leaving my children to go to work if I didn't feel like I was doing something important.  (And I already have a hard time and feel plenty of guilt.)  Something I feel is an important part of my mission here on Earth.  But it is exhausting, because I don't ever leave it...except in the summer (for the most part.)  I bring work home with me virtually every night, and even if I don't bring work home, I think about it regularly.  I rarely stop thinking about my students and what I could try to maybe reach them better.  I agonize over those who aren't making progress...both because of the current testing frenzy and because of my genuine concern for them.  I feel so tired lately...physically tired, sometimes, but more emotionally tired.  I feel like I am giving as much as I can, but it just doesn't feel like enough lately.  I've considered switching schools, though I am not sure if it will help.  I've considered even switching districts or looking into charter schools or private schools, though I would take a big pay cut.  I am unsure.  I know that there are harder jobs out there.  I don't have to work 70  hours a week.  I have the summer off.  I recognize there are benefits to my job, and I recognize that I am fortunate to have a job...and to have a job that I often love.  But yet, I am feeling very burned out right now. More than I think I have ever felt.

In addition, I worry about my own children.  Nothing terrible is wrong with them.  Over all, they are doing well.  But Gabby does not love school.  She had a hard time adjusting at the beginning of the year, and it has gotten better.  But she does not like Spanish.  She has told me a few times that her teacher thinks she is the dumbest one in the Spanish class.  I am certain that her teacher hasn't said that, but I am heartbroken that is how Gabby feels.  She is a shy kiddo, and her teacher has pulled me aside a few times to tell me to practice this or that with Gabby at home because she doesn't know ____.   Nearly every time, I have assured the teacher I will practice with her at home, but that she does know ____.   I think she is so nervous and shy that  she isn't showing her Spanish teacher what she knows.  She shines in her English class, and loves her English teacher, thankfully.  But I am really questioning whether this dual immersion program is best for her.  We feel like it is important for our children to be bilingual for many reasons, but particularly since most of Alfredo's family speak limited or no English.  But I also want her to feel successful and happy.

Michelle and Ella have been very happy at their school--other than the long drive.  (But we try to fill it with fun chats and listening to great books on CD.  So as long as the weather isn't bad, it usually is mostly pleasant.)  But math is not Michelle's strong area, and I suspect that having 50% of her math in Spanish all along hasn't helped.  I have the skills to work with her at home, but not much time.  I mean, I absolutely make sure that homework is completed.  But by the time we are home from school/work, eat dinner, do homework and reading, and practice music, it is time to get ready for bed most nights.  So I am considering what to do for next year.  She will attend the local junior high, so I am considering sending her to the local elementary next year.  There are significant pros and cons to either choice.

I know that as I do my best, I am blessed.  I also know that like Jenkin Llloyd Jones said (and President Hinckley quoted), "Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed.  The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just like people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are often dull than otherwise. (Not mine!!  Sometimes dull would be nice. :)) Life is just like an old time rail journey...delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.  The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

I know that compared to most, my challenges are small.  I know that I won't feel this way forever.  I know that I am so very blessed.  And all of that helps.  But does not completely get rid of the concern and worry nor the feeling that I could be doing so much better as a mom and a teacher.  I know I am blessed more than I deserve and I know that when I forget myself and get busy serving, I do feel lighter and better.  I try hard not to let myself feel this way for long, and usually when I do the things I need to do to take care of myself and do what matters most, I don't feel like this at all.  So now, I am going to go put myself to bed and hope that I am feeling all better soon.

Zoo Trip

We spent President's Day at the zoo with friends.  We hadn't been in quite awhile, so it was especially fun to go.  It was a bit chilly, but not bad. The weather has warmed up a lot in the past week.

Gabby decided almost as soon as we got there that she wanted to see the wolves...and it took us quite some time to make our way to them...in fact they were the last animal we got to see.  But see them, we did!  (Thank goodness.  I think she may have cried the whole way home if we hadn't seen them.)

 It was fun to have friends with us for the girls to talk to.  I enjoyed talking to my friend's oldest son as he told me all about a movie he is making and then quoted from a couple of movies he likes.  He is a great kid.  I also loved watching Ella.  They have a playground area at the zoo, and there is a big slide.  One of the little girls climbed up to go down the slide.  But then she just kind of stood there smiling and looking around, but not going down the slide. When Ella got up there, she took her by the hand and slid down the slide with her.  She slid with her several more times after that.  She has such a sweet, compassionate heart.  Her heart is so tender that sometimes she gets easily upset.  And it can be challenging. But then there are moments when I watch her help others and I see her great potential to touch lives.  That was definitely a favorite moment for me.

Another fun thing was watching Gabby and one of her best friends pore over the map of the zoo together.  Then on the way home, Gabby asked her friend, "Do you know what a compound word is?"  Her friend said no, so she proceeded to teach her what a compound word is and tell her a bunch of examples.  So cute and fun to see her learning.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day we had school. Which was fine, because it was fun. I found this darling craft on Deep Space Sparkle to make mosaic hearts. I didn't have sparkly tape, but I had lots of plain and decorative paper, so I modeled for the students and they got to work. Some did a great job:

Some totally missed the point, but still they had decorated hearts, practiced making geometric shapes, and had fun. We glued these onto big construction paper stapled together to make envelopes for them to put their valentine's in. Most of them turned out pretty good.

It was a big enough hit, that I decided to try it at home with my daughters. But I cut out the geometric shapes for them. Michelle could have done it, but she was busy doing something else at first, so I decided it would be less time and less mess if I cut out the shapes and then they could glue them on in whatever design they wanted. Ella gave up pretty quickly ...she wanted to do something else. But Michelle's, Gabby's and mine (pictured in that order) turned out cute.


I  made a nice dinner to celebrate Valentine's.  I made ribs, our favorite rice, asparagus, salad and (purchased) french bread.   Alfredo and I watched a movie.  Ella and Michelle went to play with friends, and Gabby watched part of the movie with us, but she wasn't feeling well and quickly fell asleep.  She slept for nearly 14 hours that night.

It was nice to spend time together throughout the weekend, although Alfredo did have to work today.

38 years young

I have been spoiled on my birthday. So many calls, well wishes and posts on Facebook. My children have sung every version of Happy Birthday they know...in English or Spanish. The girls have been so sweet. And Alfredo spoiled me rotten. I had two meetings today, so when I got home from my second meeting there were roses, balloons and a gift. And lunch was ready, with the table set beautifully. We had delicious pasta and soup. And the most delicious chocolate cheesecake.


After we ate, the girls couldn't wait for me to open my present. They had helped Alfredo pick it out. I got the warmest, softest sweatshirt that feels like having a blanket wrapped around me. I've been wearing it all day. I also got soft, cozy pajama bottoms. And Alfredo's cousin's husband went to Paris a couple of weeks ago for work. Alfredo gave him money to buy me a Hard Rock Cafe shirt from Paris. So very thoughtful.


The girls have done the dishes all day long. They planned and prepared Family Home Evening so I don't have to. They have been kind and lovely. Not perfect, but good kids.

My sweet sister came up last night to watch my girls so Alfredo and I could go to dinner and a movie. At dinner, my former roommate was waitressing, so we were seated almost immediately and had great service and wonderful time visiting with her. My aunt came to visit this evening and my dad and my mom and stepdad all called. I have been so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. I am touched on a regular basis by the expressions of love and appreciation I receive. It is hard to believe I am 38...I don't feel that old yet... but I have been blessed beyond measure for these past 38 years.

Name Signs

Alfredo had a business associate make these beautiful name plates for the girls. They turned out really well. They will be hung in the girls' bedrooms.

Gung Hay Fat Choy

Happy New Year...in Chinese! Friday was Chinese New Year. We were able to study Chinese New Year a little bit in my class last week, and Ella learned a little bit about it at school as well. So over the weekend, we talked a bit about their celebrations and made an art project...Chinese dragons. The idea came from Deep Space Sparkle...but after looking at her sample, I just freehand drew the dragon and taught my students and my own children how to draw it. Hers are much better because I am no artist. But they turned out cute. So I drew a picture for Gabby, and she painted it. I showed Ella how to draw a picture...I drew one step by step as she drew her own. Michelle said she wasn't interested in doing a Chinese dragon. But later, she changed her mind and asked if she could paint my dragon picture. So she did.

Here they are:
Gabby's:

Ella's:

Michelle's: