Sunday, April 20, 2014

Family History Journal: What Scares You?

Question 39:  What scares you?  from 52 Questions, 52 Weeks.

I am a bit of a scaredy cat.  There are lots of things that scare me.

I am scared of heights.  I really, really don't like being up in high places where I feel like I could fall.  There are a few exceptions, but generally, I really don't like heights.

I don't like spiders.  Logically, I know that most of them are helpful.  Yet seeing a spider in my home still creates an illogical fear inside me.

I am scared of and don't like most roller coasters.  I don't like the sensation of dropping or flipping upside down.  It both scares me and makes me feel sick.  When we go to amusement parks, I am very happy to stay in the kid area with my younger girls while Alfredo and Michelle (and ocassionally Ella) ride the scarier rides.

I am a tiny bit claustrophobic.  I can be in small spaces as long as nothing is covering my face.  I can't stand having a blanket on top of my face...it makes me feel a bit panicky.  But I can go in caves with no problem.  In college, there were some caves in Spanish Fork (I think?) that we would sometimes go to.  There was one place where you had to lie down and slither through and it was pretty tight.  That didn't bother me at all, but one of my roommates couldn't go.  She was very claustrophobic.  But if my kids and I play hide n seek inside the house, the worst place for me to hide is under covers on a bed...it really does make me start to feel panicky.

I don't really enjoy most risky things.  I have no desire to sky dive or bungee jump or dive off cliffs into a lake.  Things like that don't appeal to me.

I have become a little bit braver as I have become older.  When I was younger, I really didn't like to try things that I might not be successful at.  I am pretty clumsy and uncoordinated, and I have never been good at sports.  But a couple of years ago, I ran a half marathon.  That was a big accomplishment for me.  I gave birth to two of my children naturally.  I had wisdom teeth pulled without being put under or getting laughing gas...they just numbed the area and pulled them out.  Small things, but still brave for me.  I am more willing to  try things as I get older, probably because I realize that even if I fail, it won't be that big of a deal and because I have realized that I am stronger than I used to think.

But still, I am more on the timid side of the spectrum than the brave side.  I am not very outgoing but I'm working on that.  On the other hand, public speaking makes me a tiny bit nervous but doesn't fill me with dread.  In fact, I would much rather have to speak in church or give a presentation at work than mingle with strangers at a party.  I feel like I am better at speaking when I have a clear focus and a chance to prepare my thoughts than when I just need to engage in a conversation, particularly with strangers.

I am not scared of dying, but I am scared of suffering.  I don't know how well I would cope with extreme and/or ongoing pain.  I hope I would  be brave and maintain a good attitude and retain hope, but I don't know if I would.

Sometimes I feel scared about the future and what will happen to my children and someday grandchildren.   I worry about the choices they will make and whether I have taught them well enough.  But when I study the scriptures and listen to conference messages, I feel there is much more reason to rejoice and hope and trust than to be afraid.

So all in all, quite a few things I am scared of!  :)