President Nelson has asked us to study faith and to watch for miracles. I've been diligently studying faith and trying to increase my faith though it has felt a lot like I take 3 steps backward and then 1 step forward. But this month in August, in Inklings, Emily Freeman is focusing on miracles...big ones, little ones, any divine manifestation of love. And I need to see and feel the miracles in my life. I need that right now. So I decided that for the rest of August (and hopefully into September), I am going to watch carefully for the miracles I'm experiencing or seeing and record them.
On Thursday, August 12, Sara, Jackie and I went to the temple. That in itself is a miracle! Temples are open!! I'm so incredibly thankful for that! Also, I have this picture in my home of a sunset in Africa. It was taken by my friend Natalie Grange (she's so talented!). I love this picture. It's beautiful and it is soothing and it also reminds me of goals I have for the future. And in the endowment, the creation is represented and there is one scene that looks remarkably similar to my photograph. And it's such a simple thing. But whenever I see it, it feels like Heavenly Father is giving me a hug and saying "I see you. I know you. I'm in the "details of the details of the details of [your] lives."" (Chi Hong Sam Wong) And that happened Thursday.
On Saturday, August 14, I had a hard day. Very emotional. Lots of anxiety and lots of feelings of inadequacy. But when I was feeling really low, the thought came to reach out to my sister Rebecca and see if she could talk on Sunday. She said she would love to. So on Sunday, I called her and it really brought a feeling of peace to talk to her.
On Sunday, August 15, I was feeling discouraged and worried. I'm anxious about returning to school and sending my girls back to school and sending Michelle off to Utah State. And I feel a lot of uncertainty and concern about a variety of things. The world feels heavy. Shortly after I awoke a strong prompting came to begin to study discernment. So I will...in fact I started this afternoon. And I went to church and prayed that I could feel the spirit and feel some peace. And the first speaker, Chris Lloyd, spoke about anxiety and getting caught ruminating on mistakes of the past or worries about the future and what we need to do to fear not. It was exactly what I needed to hear! Exactly! And then Brother Gardner spoke about how Joseph Smith experienced hardship and turmoil and despair, but the Lord comforted him and blessed him. And the Savior experienced the greatest suffering imaginable. Or rather His suffering isn't even imaginable! He knows exactly what we're experiencing because He has walked that lonely road. And I knew that I need to recenter my thoughts and life on Christ. And there will still be challenges, but I will be okay. It seriously felt like the Lord wrote those talks directly for me. They were definitely a message I needed.
More than a month ago, we decided to do worth week again this year. We will be doing it next week, August 22-29. I can tell my spirit needs it. I hope with all my heart that it touches some of the YW, but I am already certain that it is going to be a miracle in my life. Even just preparing for it is helping me.
Wednesday, August 18: I went to Walmart for a few groceries and a bunch of school supplies. I was standing in line and began talking to the woman in front of me. (Even that is unusual...I don't typically talk to strangers, but she was very friendly.) After a minute or two of talking, she looked at my cart and saw that I had a lot of school supplies. She asked if I was a teacher or I had a lot of kids or I just loved school supplies. I said I was a teacher. She said how grateful she was for teachers and we chatted for a couple more minutes. Then she said something to the family in front of her, and they talked for a minute and she said something about me being a teacher and buying all these supplies for my students. The family turned to me and asked if I was a teacher and what grade I teach. Then they thanked me and said they know the last year and a half has been really challenging for teachers and for students and they are so grateful for all that teachers do. They said they wanted to help pay for my supplies. I said they didn't need to, but they insisted and so I thanked them. They put money on a gift card and gave it to me and the woman in front of me pulled a $20 bill out of her pocket and handed it to me. I teared up completely. I don't know these people and I'll probably never see them again. But their kindness and generosity meant so much.
Thursday, August 19: We had district training. I've been feeling a bit concerned about finances or maybe concerned is too strong...but wishing there were a way for me to make just a little bit extra money. We're fine, but with Michelle starting college, we have a few more expenditures now. And I'm not as good at budgeting as I should be. So I went to district training and they are implementing a new reading program and training. I don't think it's going to be anything earth shattering or significantly change the way I teach, and it is going to be work to do all the training. So most experienced teachers are frustrated to have one more thing to add to their plates. But it will be $1800 if you complete the state provided training. And the district is doing some additional trainings in which we will be paid $30/hour for attendance. So there's potential for me to earn over $2,000 extra dollars this year. Not a ton extra, but still a little miracle.
Wednesday, August 25: I got a text this morning with some worrisome news. It was a friend/member of my ward, Stefanie. I appreciated that she sent the text and shared the information, but even more so that she expressed love and concern and no judgment.
Tonight, Jackie stopped by with some lemon cake and to see how I was doing and how my first week of school was going. My girls had gone out with my sister for a couple of hours, so Jackie came in and visited and listened to me share some of the worries I was having.
Also, a teacher came into the work room while I was making copies. When I finished, she made a few quick copies and also asked me to tell her about our trip to El Salvador this summer. Then she asked a question and soon I was telling her about the worrisome news I had received that morning. She listened and then told me about a dear friend who had some expertise in that area and sent me her friend's Instagram contact information and sent so much love and concern. Then later that night, Crumbl cookies were delivered to my house from this coworker with a humorous note (she'd joked about me needing Calgon to come and take me away...but how it really doesn't transport you anywhere).
Thursday, August 26: I got a text today from my friend Lilia just to see how I was doing. After sharing a bit about how much I'm worried about an issue, she sent so much love and also a resource that might be helpful.
And at Ella's tennis match, I sat with Melissa Tye, our stake YW president. Her daughter was Ella's double partner today. And Melissa and I had the best conversation and I was reminded that I don't ever have to go through this life alone.
Friday, August 27:
Annie Smith was married and sealed today. She invited me to be at her sealing, which meant a lot to me. I took a personal day to attend. I had an appointment to do an endowment session in the morning. Despite all the love shown to me over the past couple of days, I was still feeling very worried. I haven't been sleeping well. And Alfredo is out of town. And Michelle moves to college tomorrow. And it's the first week of a new school year. And I'm a bit of a mess. I guess, more than a bit. Anyway, I went to the temple. And the things I am worried about are still there. But I felt peace envelop me. It felt almost like a blanket of comfort was being wrapped around me. I feel like everything will be okay. I don't know exactly what that means, but I know that I'm a daughter of God. I know that He loves me and He is aware of me. And I feel peace.
After the endowment session, I met Michelle for lunch. We talked and laughed and got a bit teary and oh how I love that girl! She's such a blessing to me. All 3 of my girls are. I adore them.
Then I went to Annie's sealing. And it was so beautiful. There are such incredible promises in the sealing. How grateful I am for the temple and all that it means to me. And how grateful I am to have been able to watch Annie grow and to be a small part of her life and her learning of the gospel. My girls and I also went to her reception.
Saturday, September 4:
Today, Gabby and I went to the Jordan River Temple to do baptisms with my friend Annette, her two oldest kids, her niece and nephew-in-law, and another family that are good friends of Annette's. I love being in the temple, so I was happy to be there. In order for the youth to get to do 5 baptisms each, I offered to just do confirmations. So I went into the font area and handed out towels to everyone in our group. Annette's nephew-in-law was the last one to get baptized. Just as he was finishing, a temple worker walked in and said that a patron had brought a name and asked if it was possible to complete the baptism and asked if he would be able to do it. She said she thought it was in Japanese. He was willing and then he looked at the card and said, Oh this is in Korean. I read Korean. He asked if they would like him to perform the baptism and the temple worker who was baptizing him could be baptized for this man. So that is what they did. I was so incredibly touched. A patron came at just the right time, right when someone was there that could read Korean and perform the ordinance and pronounce the name correctly. Now I know that had that not been the case, the workers would have done their best and the ordinance would have been just as valid. But this felt like such a small but beautiful miracle. He was there, he had skills and knowledge that allowed him to do this work, and the Lord used his gifts and talents to bless this life and show his love to this individual. And as I stood there, I thought about how I want to try to be in the right place at the right time with a willing heart, so the Lord can use ME to bless others. I want to develop as many talents as possible and gain as much knowledge as possible so I can be a better tool or better instrument in the Lord's work.
I don't know if this is a miracle or not...but for several days I had been thinking about Michelle's best friend. She is Ella's age, so she is still in high school and she recently broke up with her boyfriend and Michelle moved up to Logan for college. And I just thought that maybe this was a bit of a hard week. And even if not, I felt like I wanted her to know how much we love her. So I bought flowers and dropped them off with a card. And I got the sweetest text from her. I don't know if she needed the flowers or not, but I'm so glad I was able to do something small to express love for her.
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