contradictions

Last night was Michelle's back to school night. We went even though we'd already seen her classroom and met her teacher, because I know that it's a good way to show that you support the teacher/school. I learned that Jackson has adopted a new reading program, which looks okay, but I loved the program they were using (CELL/ExLL...same as my school...hopefully they'll still use some of the teaching methods with the new basal.) We also met Michelle's second teacher, but I don't recall her name. She will be teaching Michelle Spanish. She was just hired at Jackson, but used to teach at Escalante and then Washington. She seems nice.

I heard two other parents tell Michelle's teacher that they don't live in the Jackson area, so we're obviously not the only ones driving a distance to take Michelle to Jackson.

And then I heard what should have been no big deal but has bothered me since. One parent said that her son is beginning to read some words on his own. The teacher said that one student is already reading books. Honestly, that's great. It shouldn't be a big deal, and yet it bothered me, because Michelle isn't. Let me explain. I am a teacher. My specialty, my area of training, my passion is literacy. I love to read; I love teaching kids to read; I know a lot about the process of reading. This is both a good and bad thing as a parent. It's mostly good because I understand the developmental process of learning to read and I know the types of things that teachers/parents can do to help children learn to read. But it's bad because it increases my internal desire/drive to have my children be good readers, read early, etc.

I know that reading is a developmental process and that kids develop at their own speed. I know that learning to read early isn't that big of a deal; kids who read at four are rarely much ahead of their peers by the time they reach their middle elementary years. And getting kids to memorize words can backfire... if it leads them to dislike the reading process or if the emphasis is on memorization or gaining skills rather than loving books. I know that the best things parents can do to prepare their child to be a good reader are 1) read themselves and let their child see them reading, 2) read often to their child, 3) talk to their child about books, 4) have books in the home and 5) talk to their children/use a lot of language in the home. I also know that kids develop at different speeds and that Michelle is where she should be at her age. I don't need to worry. In fact, I'm proud of her skills and how she is doing. So why did this comment upset me? I don't want to be a mom who compares her kids to others; but sometimes I do, especially in my head. I don't want to pressure my kids to do better; I just want them to do their best. But sometimes, internally, I feel pressure to have my kids be the best, the smartest, etc. I think maybe that in some way I feel like since I'm so highly trained in literacy I feel like my girls' success reflects on my knowledge and ability. Yet, in some ways at least, I know that I've tried to separate my "teacher" self and "mom" self. Not that I don't teach them; but I haven't formally tried to teach them to read.

Maybe, just maybe, I'm a little bit of a snob. I find myself sometimes thinking that I'm more educated than most of the parents at this school. Driving Michelle across town to school isn't easy (esp. with a newborn) but I'm making that effort to give her the best education I can. Don't get me wrong. I am certain that most of the parents in that neighborhood want their children to get a good education too, but most haven't had the opportunities I've had. I've been blessed (and worked hard too). It's hard to realize that at least in my head, I have some snob-like thoughts. But I work in a very similar neighborhood. And I assumed that Michelle would be ahead of most of the kids. And she probably is ahead of many. And really, it's probably good that there are other kids who are at her level. She'll probably be challenged more that way. I'm not worried about her.... just a little disconcerted at some unrealized prejudices or opinions that I hold. So this post is really about ME, not about Michelle. It's not always pleasant to have moments of self-realization.

Added note: Thanks for your comments. I really am not worried about Michelle. She has the foundations for reading and comes from a literate home. She will learn to read. And in a few years, no one will be able to tell which children started reading at four and which at five and which at six. Also, I appreciated your comments Dawn. (And yes, we did meet at Nathan and Becky's wedding, glad you read my blog sometimes.) I agree that children need time to PLAY and be kids. This is good for their cognitive development and social development and is an important part of being a kid. Their is too much pressure put on kids and parents to do more, to be more at a young age. I don't want to be a part of that which is partly why I was bugged by my own attitude. If you parents haven't read it, I'd really recommend the book Einstein Didn't Use Flashcards by Kathy Hirsch-Pachek (spelling?). It talks about some of the mistaken beliefs we have about how to help our kids get ahead and what is really beneficial for them. Anyway, I also want to say that I'm not putting any child down who does read early (I was reading before I started kdg.) but that it shouldn't bug me that Michelle isn't. She is plenty smart and can do lots of things well. Thanks for listening to me ramble on again everyone!